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Post by parrigan on Jul 14, 2015 21:23:31 GMT
Part the 13th: Dog Days of Bronze
Purple Doom Skull Chronicler Grumpy reporting.
Final Record: 3-4-2
This season just kept going and going... I'll tell you, I don't think anyone even noticed that I took a little break there. I just pretended to be writing when the other orcs came around, but none of them can read, so I was able to get away with just scribbling for a few seconds until they went away, then kicking back with some Elf Blood Brew.
The back half of this season has been much easier on your old pal Grumpy. They hired a couple new orcs to stand on the line, and they've already trained one of the idiots in the fine art of stomping heads. They've been trying to get me to learn that for months now, but I've been...resistant. Anyway, I don't see much of the pitch anymore, and nothing could make me happier. And now this Bronze things is over, and joy of joys, we didn't make the playoffs. So Grumpy is going to get some much deserved time off.
But they insist we'll have to play 3 more exhibition matches, then move into Iron league, where the teams are even meaner.
This will never end.
P.S. In case you're interested in that stuff, we had a loss, then a bunch of draws, and won our last match.
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Post by comfort_eagle on Jul 15, 2015 5:22:01 GMT
Don't count yourself out yet, Grumpy... my count has you lot as the 16th team in playoffs...
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Post by parrigan on Jul 19, 2015 0:53:48 GMT
Part the 14th: Bronze Playoffs, Round 1
Extremely Angry Purple Doom Skull Chronicler Grumpy reporting
Purple Doom Skull 2 - 1 Porky Vag
Yeah, you read that right! The bastards pulled the rug right out from under poor old Grumpy. I was just waiting on my carriage to the beach when they came for me. Said there was a clerical error, and now we're in the playoffs! GaaaarrrrrrrggghhhhHHHH!!!
Of course, the rest of team is happy. Johnny Doom was seen practicing his passing before the match, but Coach P informed him that if we were going to do any passing, Harry would be in charge. Harry actually looks pretty good at it, and he grinned at Johnny when he heard Coach's statement. But the coach shot Harry down too, gesturing at the rest of the squad at practice. "Hold on there, Harry. You're pretty good throwing that thing, but which one of these idiots is gonna catch it?"
Harry shrugged.
That was the scene before the match. Everyone was all happy, Lumpy was stomping practice skulls, Murderator was murderating...bunch of fools. I swear, I think they're enjoying my misery. I wonder...is it possible someone out there is trying to get old Grumpy killed? I may have to look into this...
Anyway, back to the match. Those nurgles were disgusting, and they looked pretty mean too. One of those goat-pests looked especially scary, and early on he was doing a good job of konking heads. Sent a couple of our big idiots to the bench for some smelling salts. But in the end this match belonged to Bonegrinder and Lumpy. Bonegrinder took out a couple nurgles and scored both our TDs, and Lumpy really took his head-stomping practice to heart. Even I was impressed, until I realized we were going to win.
Which means another match. Sigh.
Da end.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2015 1:34:21 GMT
What!?!Can you hear my thunderous applause from your time zone? Excellent write up as always. I am off to check out the replay Grumpy for President!
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Post by shaunuthun on Jul 19, 2015 1:38:22 GMT
HAHA Grumpy Plays another match! Mister Fish is watching carefully also congrats man
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Post by parrigan on Jul 28, 2015 13:14:33 GMT
Part the 15th: The Beach
Purple Doom Skull Chronicler Grumpy reporting
14 Things to Do With Orcs 1 - 0 Purple Doom Skull
Finally! No one's stopping me getting to the beach now. And all you "fans" can suck it!
We lost, the rest of the team is disappointed, but not me. I'm taking a well-deserved break until they drag me back for Iron. They're talking about exhibition matches again, but we'll just see about that. And speaking of taking breaks, Knucklehead got his back messed up by that nasty minotaur and they've kicked him off the team! Why won't they kick me off the team? I swear they won't be happy until I'm dead. Now I just have to figure out exactly who "they" are... But not this week. I'm on vacation, dammit!
On to the match. This one was bloody, but my erstwhile teammates were far too stupid to be afraid of those chaos boys despite the 14's violent reputation. In fact, Eet Yoo killed one of their warriors out of the gate, and the rest of the boys handed out a few other breaks and bruises. Aside from Knucklehead (lucky bastard), the rest of us came out OK. I'm gonna have to have a talk with Lumpy, though. Idiot started with the head stomping early, got himself ejected, and put me one orc closer to the pitch. I was not happy.
So we received, fought our way downfield, but couldn't score because we had too many orcs rubbing their heads on the sidelines. And believe me, I was counting 'em, because once that magic number got to 4, I knew I was going out there.
Which I did, to start the 2nd half, and promptly got my bell rung. For a while after that I couldn't count anything. So I don't remember much of the second half, other than the minotaur hurt himself, Bonegrinder did a little more grinding, Biggan Ugly seemed really mad cause his hip was hurting, and the 14 scored. Apparently we still had a shot to tie it up, but we didn't.
All I know is, when my bell was unrung the game over and we lost. Good. Now I'm gonna get drunk. And I don't want to hear anything else about exhibition, unless it's a wet T-shirt contest.
Da end.
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Post by parrigan on Aug 21, 2015 17:44:49 GMT
Part the 16th: Iron
Purple Doom Skull Chronicler Grumpy reporting
The beach was great, and I didn't want to leave. But here I am. The boys are predictably excited, think they're gonna get to smash skulls and carry PDS to victory. Hamfist Harry has been particularly insufferable lately. Idiots, the lot of them - but I'm still stuck with 'em.
We gotta start this farce again in a few hours. Sigh.
By the way, there are rumors circulating that I'm not the original Grumpy or some such nonsense, as if being stupid enough to join a Blood Bowl team is a point of pride. If some other Grumpy wants to take my place and let me go to the beach, by all means do so. But I ain't holding my breath. Double sigh.
Da end.
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Post by parrigan on Aug 23, 2015 18:33:58 GMT
Part the 17th: Iron ain't so bad
Purple Doom Skull Chronicler Grumpy reporting
Purple Doom Skull 1 - 1 The House
I think I'm gonna like this Iron thing. Easily the best of the leagues they've dragged me into. Why, you say? Glad you asked.
We played a whole match, and aside from some confusion late in the match when Socko (the new guy) didn't realize Coach P. wanted him out there, I never stepped foot on the pitch. Just kept my spot on the bench nice and warm, and enjoyed Hamfist Harry's antics.
And let me tell you, Harry was in rare form. Eet Yoo and Lug had good days too, inspiring comments like "damn troll" and "only one good black orc" from Coach, but it was Harry who stole the show.
The first half was mostly standard stuff, the corpses receiving and grinding their way down the pitch, leaving a trail of broken zombies on the way. Toward the end of the half Harry got crazy trying all kinds of passes and dodges, while on the sideline Coach was ripping up his playbook. We failed to score and went into halftime down 1-0. Coach went on a tirade at Harry:
Coach Parrigan: Dammit, I've been through this with Johnny, now you listen Harry. Hamfist Harry: K. CP: I don't want you passing and dodging anymore! HH: K CP: You know why? HH: Um. Yuh? CP: Why? HH: Um. Nuh? CP: Cause we're orcs! ORCS! Not elves! Not even humans! ORCS! HH: K Johnny Doom: Huh, funny. Huh. CP: Shut up Johnny! He learned this crap from you! Now what are you going to stop doing, Harry? HH: Trow. CP: Right. No more throwing...
It was a fun day in the locker room for your old pal Grumpy. And it got even better in the second half, because Coach forgot to remind Harry to stop dodging. And dodge he did, like a mad orc, the entire length of the pitch. Coach was going apoplectic on the sideline, but Harry kept on dodging. Finally in turn 16 he scored to secure the draw after (of course) dodging away from a ghoul. Coach kept muttering "orcs hit, orcs don't dodge," but it didn't matter.
Harry did it his own way. Seems he learned a little too well from Johnny.
And I got to stay on the bench. A good day.
Da end.
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Post by parrigan on Sept 1, 2015 12:17:03 GMT
Part the 8th: Iron is awful
Purple Doom Skull Chronicler Grumpy reporting
Blood & Snot 2 - 0 Purple Doom Skull
Turns out I hate this Iron league after all. I spent the entire second half on the pitch, and apparently that was worth me getting an MVP award. This time, though, I'm pretty sure it was a cruel joke by the fans, laughing at me every time I got knocked over. Not cool, fans, not cool. And now Coach has insisted that me and Stumpy both take head-stomping lessons from Lumpy. Getting pretty good at it, actually, but that just means they expect to be on the pitch more. Iron stinks.
Anyway, we played those same nasty nurgles we saw in Bronze, and this time they whipped us good. I think some of our boys were popping sleeping pills before the match, because a whole bunch of them kept taking naps. By the end, we hadn't accomplished much at all(aside from Stumpy and me learning to stomp heads), and the scoreboard read 2-0.
So how many more weeks we gotta play? Five? Aw crap.
Da end.
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