Post by jordionboy on Sept 1, 2015 9:06:02 GMT
" 'Ey, I coul' coach be'ter tha' any o' these louts! w'at you tr'n to say?!" A voice rang out clearly though the damp pub, drawing a slight glance from the barkeep, but he knew better than to acknowledge others problems unless they spilled into the bar, then his club did the talking.
The source of the voice turned out to be a 6 foot tall human, a strong guy, judging by his shoulder pads he was a star player once in his life and was watching a skaven team playing some orcs on the crystal ball set on the bar. The skavens were getting crushed and it was annoying the drinkers with the retired player.
"If you fink so Bert w'y don't 'chu proove it? Make a Goblin team and win a championship."
The smartest one there asked his friend, this would be a laugh to see his friend try to put his money where his mouth was.
"O'wite, I will, I bet 100,000 Gold I can train a championship winning team! of g'bl'ns!" he declared, slamming down the money for his bet, paying for his drink and stumbling off to try and start this venture, leaving his friends feeling a bit guilty. he hadn't been serious had he?
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The next time Bert woke up was with the worst hangover he had had in years, how long had he been drinking? the blitzer lifted his arm and looked at the bottle, "Rummy Jack's Troll Spit" the most powerful whiskey on the Old Worlde, how long had he been out?
"Sir?" Another voice asked from behind the blitzer, as Bert looked up he saw a pretty woman and smiled softly, a wonky grin of someone who felt like they had nothing to smile about but felt they had to.
The woman didn't look impressed and wore a bloodbowl league uniform. So he had to go through with it? this news stuck at Bert Bloodbowl harder than even the whiskey had.
"Your league sign ups are today, I ask that you not drink today until the paperwork is done." she told him, before walking away to open the gate and let the goblin hopefuls in.
A week, he'd been out for nearly 7 days, just drinking and fixing this up, what had been wrong with him? Bert sighed sitting up, he better get this over with and go home, to drown his sorrows.
The poor hungover blitzer was given no reprieve though as the first player hopeful stepped up to the desk with a grin.
It was a tall, slimmer troll, with a wide smile and a very effeminate way of standing. "oh, you wouldn't believe this but i'm here to join up, me the fabulous Urgg Wan, fashionista!" It said happily, sticking a modeling pose.
Bert stared for a moment, mouth agape, wondering if he was still out, drinking and imagining things. "So why did you choose bloodbowl?" he asked still in semi-shock.
"Well, my father was Urgg Grenning, one of the best trolls in the game in his hay-day he insisted I join! And I can make cute uniforms, we'll look fabulous!~" he trilled.
Bert sat up, Urgg Grenning? he was a great player, played on an underworld team once. Bert was a huge fan back in the day, adding the trolls name onto the list Bert smiled, this was looking good so far. "We'll be in touch!" He told Urgg, who left with a smile. as the ex-blitzer grinned to himself happily, this could turn into a good team, even if Wan was a little weird.
The next person to step forward was a goblin in a suit, however before he could talk a second goblin popped up with a pogostick from beneath the table.
"I am batgoblin" he growled, throatily as if trying to be threatening. Though his small size meant he really wasn't.
"Ah, a pogoer? Are you wanting into the team?" Bert asked trying to soldier through the weirdness, he had to train these guys after all.
"I am batgoblin, I am the light in the dark, a beacon of hope!" he said in that face gravely voice before turning away, cape billowing as he set off running, jumping on his pogostick as he escaped. Bert shook his head and jotted down the name, this would be a long day.
"The name's O, double O . . .Oh" he siad, with a rehearsed practice, the disappointment being almost visible it was so strong as he said "oh" though he seemed oblivious to it, as if he really thought that was his code name.
The blitzer blinked. "Strange name" he admitted.
"I'm here to learn some skills, and maybe get some action~" the goblin smiled, straightening his bow tie.
Bert sighed. "We'll let you know" he told the goblin as he jotted the name down, indicating for the next player to step forward.
"I am the. Bomber that. You need!" The new goblin said, trying to look excited.
Bert looked surprised. "Don't I know you from somewhere?" he asked softly.
"I am. Willbomb. Shatsplosion!" the Goblin announced, striking a pose. "You may know. Me from. Such shows as! Aimless in Albion, or Kicking Chaos and. Taking Gnomes" he told the blitzer who nodded.
"So you can throw a bomb well?" Bert asked.
"I. Am the. Best!" Shatsplosion Confirmed.
The coach smiled and jotted the goblin actors name down as a second goblin walked up to the desk.
Another bomber wandered up to the desk aimlessly and smiled. "Oh my, I'm here for the um, what do you call it, blood bowl tryout?"
Bert nodded at the goblin, his foot thick glasses' lenses didn't seem ideal for the job.
"Oh, that's right, i'm Landor, Landor Longnose, Oh my yes." he smiled amiably.
"Okay, i'll give you a call back." the coach said gently, putting on a smile, though he doubted the goblin could see it.
"A whaaa?" the older goblin asked, confused.
"a callback, if you get chosen we'll let you know, you'll want to hand around." Bert told him as the goblin sighed and walked away.
The next goblin was strange, dressed in a blue ballgown with a blond beehive hairstyle on her head, the most ridiculous thing though was the breasts, they were nearly the size of her head, not that this was a slim goblin anyway.
"I'm Queen Gobloon honey, don't stare, they're real, i'm here to try for the game, bring the crowd something nice to look at" she said, winking. Bert's nose crinkled, but the goblin took it in stride. "Don't sweat it honey, I get that all the time, don't worry, i can play the game too, we'll win if i have anything to do with it." she smiled, kindly, chuckling a little, she wasn't too serious at least, that was good Bert decided, what with the rest of the guys being so serious in how they believe in their madness.
Sighing Bert pinched his nose and tried to hold back his tears, he had to make a team with these loonatics.
"Oh, I see, not even going to look at me eh Mr. Man?!" A goblin yelled, Bert opened his eyes to see an angry looking, chainsaw wielding goblin.
"I'm Sigg Gilmore! I'm playing on your team, apparently I've got to play bloodbowl, they say I've got a talent, the f**king idiots!" the goblin said angrily, though now it was more just general anger than at anything in particular. Something inside The retired player told him more pople called the goblin "slashy gilmore" as he stormed off, kicking a bloodbowl ball hard in anger.
After this much crazy Bert stood up "taking a break for five, go grab something to eat and come back then" he told the crowd, taking his wiskey and taking another drink, he couldn't go on dry.
The break didn't last long though as a goblin and troll walked up, both using posh canes and with black, thin, greasy hair. they walk with a light hobble and looked generally weasily.
the Troll approached the bloodbowler and flicked his hair out of his face cockily and smiled the smile of someone who wants to think he's better than you but can't quite master it. "I think you'll zee uz." he said, there was a sharp edge to it, like a threat.
"Ah, I am Herr troll" the Troll said, flicking it's hair away again, as the squeaky voiced goblin added "and I'm Herr Goblin!"
"Hush you verm!" Herr Troll told the goblin who lowered his head is shame. "sorvy"
"now, ve vill get in Corrrrvect?" The Troll told Bert and left, hobling away quickly, which ruined the illision even more as Bert shook his head, what had he gotten into?
The break had almost finished and people were beginning to file back in as a goblin in a trench coat ran up to Bert and grinned happily "aah~" he said as he opened his coat, revealing his naked body, after "jiggling" for serveral seconds he closed the coat and ran off again. Bert was almost sick but held his food down and made a note to let that guy do that to the other team.
As Bert sat at the table again for the group a goblin dragging a huge ball walked up. "And who are you?" Bert asked.
The goblin grimiced. "I am Goblinface see, I'm a Khorne deamon, I was reincarnated as a goblin by mistake. You're going to give me a place on the team so I can earn my master's attention to get back into the ranks of his army." It explained angrily. Bert just nodded in acceptance by this point, there wasn't any reason to argue, it didn't seem to matter to these crazy goblins.
"Ah, my good man, are you the coach of this ... fine team?" a curiously sophisticated goblin asked, leaning on his chainsaw as if it were a walking stick. Bert nodded, curious about this new goblin.
"Good, good, I would like to join your fine body of goblins, I am a skilled chainsawist, and you'll need someone to lop off a few heads i wager. I'm Montague Capitate" the goblin said, before bert could say anything he corrected him. "Montague, not Monty thank you very much."
Bert nodded. "You don't seem that violent, why a chainsaw?" he asked
"Why, what else can stop a man charging you with such effective strikes, as deadly as an oger yet hand held this baby is. The proper force delivered behind it will end a fight before it has chance to occur." Montague continued.
Bert nodded, he liked the logic and let monty go, waiting for the next guy to approach, which took longer than it should, but eventually the troll stepped forward.
"H-hi, i'm K-kugg, k-ugg c-custard" It told the coach to be.
Bert frowned, was this troll shy? As he did though the troll lept back defensively wincing in fear. nope it was just a coward.
"Please let me in, I promise I'll try hard" it protested after calming down. Bert agreed to give one chance and the troll smiled thankfully, walking away quickly to go hide under it's covers again, It felt like it had something, probably deadly, he wondered if it was Arabin Death Pox.
After that troll another, much older looking troll walked up, with thick grey tufts of hair sprouting from his head and nose, but with no teeth at all.
"Oy, pay attention, good lord, i'm missing my nap for this, you could give some focus to your task. Back in my day w had to work 30 hours a day and had to focus for hundreds of hours at a time!" it scolded, like a grouchy old man.
Bert was somehow still shocked, and just dropped his jaw, was this old troll scolding him?
"good lord, we don't need a coach, back in my day we didn't have coaches, we had sticks." the troll lent in menecingly. "and we didn't have these new-fangled balls, we had sticks. Good sticks, not like the rubbish you have now, good, strong sticks. Can't get a good stick for love nor money anymore. I'm Kranky, now iI'm going to go nap you young whipper snapper. Just don't let any of these filthy goblins touch me." The Troll said leaving again as Bert took another big drink from his whiskey.
The next goblin walked up bold as brass and stood watching Bert for a few seconds, grinning widely.
"So why did you come today?" Bert asked, feeling he had to start.
"I didn't, I'm not here." the goblin said brazenly
"But I can see you." Bert responded quickly.
"No you can't, it's someone else" He responded.
"okay, did you come to play bloodbowl?"
"No, I'm here for the dance classes."
"But there aren't any dance classes" Bert found himself protesting.
"they're for the Reikland Rivertrot, they happen every week, I think they might be charging extra today though, what with the dead halfings in the water." The goblin lied through it's teeth, that same oblivious smile as it turned and left again.
"Sorry about Adam, he's a bit of a liar." the next goblin explained as Bert looked at him through the double faceplam.
"I'm Jimmy Twoface, and this is Flib Bandersnatch" the goblin explained, pointing to his shoulder. Then jimmy looked at his shoulder and snorted.
"good one" he giggled stupidly. "sorry about Flib, he's a bit rude." The goblin explained. "second heads sometimes are, separate brains you know.
Bert continued to watch the goblin's shoulder, searching for any sign of the second head, was he dreaming, surely goblins couldn't be this mad right? Regardless the blitzer continued to soldier on and dismissed Jimmy, jotting his and "flib" down on the list.
The next guy to stumble up to the table smiled dencely, his ball and chain dragging behind him.
"ah, another fanatic, who are you?" Bert asked
"I am beings Manny, am a gobins. I am wantings to be helper with the team. And to maybe meat somes goblin ladi parts~" It uttered drunkenly, barely understandable through the slur.
Bert nodded as the goblin smiled lewdly and made air groping gestures to himself. The goblin stank of booze and gave off an aura of stickiness, Bert could feel it on his table, every time he moved his arm. Wanting to get away from the goblin Bert shooed the fanatic away as jotted the name down.
The blitzer desperately wanted another break, but before he could take it another goblin walked up, or more specificly two. once they stepped forward they kissed passionately then looked back over to the coach.
"We're here to sign up" They said in unison, it was kind of creepy. the two giggled and the left one indicated for the right to go first, and turned back to Bert, making sure to give his partner a quick grope as he did. "I'm Bill and this is Ted, We're lovers, we want to play for your team and show gay goblins can play too!" The first one explained.
Ted smiled and nodded. "And if they don't like it they can build a bridge and cross it, We're here and also queer, deal with it."
The two smiled as their names were jotted and walked away embracing each other. Bert grimaced, more out of agitation than anything, those two were annoying, and could give gays a bad name.
A goblin with a big helmet and even bigger swirl patterned glasses walked forward and set the lenses of his glasses spinning as the helmet beeped. "you will put me on this team." he said in what sounded like he was trying to do hypno-voice, but came across more as creepy.
Bert rolled his eyes and copied the voice "What is your name, I should add you too the list"
"oh" the goblin said with disappointment taking the hat off. "I'm Dabbrane, I'm going to take over the world!" it explained, throwing aside the hypno-helmet and walking away in disappointment
The next goblin to walk up grunted and put a hand on the table, putting down a piece of paper which had "Iame are am Iun lgnnug Lungg! am trul tral Troll!" written on it, the goblin smiled doply, as bert red the paper, with it's big block capitals.
The goblin continued to watch dumbly as Bert jotted down the name then walked away, scratching his head in confusion.
Kurgiss, a goblin who was closer to a snotling in size stormed forward and glared his hardest as Bert. "i'm applying for your team, and if you make any quips about my size if break yer F***ing nose." he let out angrily, looking ready to murder just at the mention of a size difference. "Put Kurgiss for my name, i'm going to get something to eat, and you aren't stopping me." It continued before storming of again, not letting Bert get a word in.
A Pogoer was the next over as he hummed jovially, bouncing away. "I'm bounder, and I'm your friend, can I play?" it asked chirpily, Bert smiled, this was almost refreshing, a happy goblin, but then it happened, and bounder began singing a song about fun. "F is for friends who bloodbowl together, U is for ultimate funtimes and N is for n-ee-where at all, playing bloodbowl with me" he started, going on for another four verses of different things fun can be an anogram for, all so "sweet" Bert could feel the heart attack.
Once the pogoer left bert was almost sobbing to himself as he downed the last of his bottle, he wasn't drunk enough for this.
That was it though, the last goblin, or at least so he'd thought, that was before one of the streamers was cut and the Blood bowl official screamed from the other side of the feild as another goblin ran over, and looked a Bert quizzically, tilting his head to the side "oou?" it asked, holding a pink pair of panties. Bert looked up to the Official who had stormed over and quickly snached her panties back, bright red and glaring at Bert.
"You're in, I'll put you down as Turgzam" he whispered to the goblin, who did an excited backflip, ooking to himself.
That was it, the last of the goblins, finally, it was a blissful relief that only seemed to last a few minutes, now he had to choose which ones to keep and who to send home, that wouldn't be an easy choice, they were all crazy.
The source of the voice turned out to be a 6 foot tall human, a strong guy, judging by his shoulder pads he was a star player once in his life and was watching a skaven team playing some orcs on the crystal ball set on the bar. The skavens were getting crushed and it was annoying the drinkers with the retired player.
"If you fink so Bert w'y don't 'chu proove it? Make a Goblin team and win a championship."
The smartest one there asked his friend, this would be a laugh to see his friend try to put his money where his mouth was.
"O'wite, I will, I bet 100,000 Gold I can train a championship winning team! of g'bl'ns!" he declared, slamming down the money for his bet, paying for his drink and stumbling off to try and start this venture, leaving his friends feeling a bit guilty. he hadn't been serious had he?
__________________________________________________
The next time Bert woke up was with the worst hangover he had had in years, how long had he been drinking? the blitzer lifted his arm and looked at the bottle, "Rummy Jack's Troll Spit" the most powerful whiskey on the Old Worlde, how long had he been out?
"Sir?" Another voice asked from behind the blitzer, as Bert looked up he saw a pretty woman and smiled softly, a wonky grin of someone who felt like they had nothing to smile about but felt they had to.
The woman didn't look impressed and wore a bloodbowl league uniform. So he had to go through with it? this news stuck at Bert Bloodbowl harder than even the whiskey had.
"Your league sign ups are today, I ask that you not drink today until the paperwork is done." she told him, before walking away to open the gate and let the goblin hopefuls in.
A week, he'd been out for nearly 7 days, just drinking and fixing this up, what had been wrong with him? Bert sighed sitting up, he better get this over with and go home, to drown his sorrows.
The poor hungover blitzer was given no reprieve though as the first player hopeful stepped up to the desk with a grin.
It was a tall, slimmer troll, with a wide smile and a very effeminate way of standing. "oh, you wouldn't believe this but i'm here to join up, me the fabulous Urgg Wan, fashionista!" It said happily, sticking a modeling pose.
Bert stared for a moment, mouth agape, wondering if he was still out, drinking and imagining things. "So why did you choose bloodbowl?" he asked still in semi-shock.
"Well, my father was Urgg Grenning, one of the best trolls in the game in his hay-day he insisted I join! And I can make cute uniforms, we'll look fabulous!~" he trilled.
Bert sat up, Urgg Grenning? he was a great player, played on an underworld team once. Bert was a huge fan back in the day, adding the trolls name onto the list Bert smiled, this was looking good so far. "We'll be in touch!" He told Urgg, who left with a smile. as the ex-blitzer grinned to himself happily, this could turn into a good team, even if Wan was a little weird.
The next person to step forward was a goblin in a suit, however before he could talk a second goblin popped up with a pogostick from beneath the table.
"I am batgoblin" he growled, throatily as if trying to be threatening. Though his small size meant he really wasn't.
"Ah, a pogoer? Are you wanting into the team?" Bert asked trying to soldier through the weirdness, he had to train these guys after all.
"I am batgoblin, I am the light in the dark, a beacon of hope!" he said in that face gravely voice before turning away, cape billowing as he set off running, jumping on his pogostick as he escaped. Bert shook his head and jotted down the name, this would be a long day.
"The name's O, double O . . .Oh" he siad, with a rehearsed practice, the disappointment being almost visible it was so strong as he said "oh" though he seemed oblivious to it, as if he really thought that was his code name.
The blitzer blinked. "Strange name" he admitted.
"I'm here to learn some skills, and maybe get some action~" the goblin smiled, straightening his bow tie.
Bert sighed. "We'll let you know" he told the goblin as he jotted the name down, indicating for the next player to step forward.
"I am the. Bomber that. You need!" The new goblin said, trying to look excited.
Bert looked surprised. "Don't I know you from somewhere?" he asked softly.
"I am. Willbomb. Shatsplosion!" the Goblin announced, striking a pose. "You may know. Me from. Such shows as! Aimless in Albion, or Kicking Chaos and. Taking Gnomes" he told the blitzer who nodded.
"So you can throw a bomb well?" Bert asked.
"I. Am the. Best!" Shatsplosion Confirmed.
The coach smiled and jotted the goblin actors name down as a second goblin walked up to the desk.
Another bomber wandered up to the desk aimlessly and smiled. "Oh my, I'm here for the um, what do you call it, blood bowl tryout?"
Bert nodded at the goblin, his foot thick glasses' lenses didn't seem ideal for the job.
"Oh, that's right, i'm Landor, Landor Longnose, Oh my yes." he smiled amiably.
"Okay, i'll give you a call back." the coach said gently, putting on a smile, though he doubted the goblin could see it.
"A whaaa?" the older goblin asked, confused.
"a callback, if you get chosen we'll let you know, you'll want to hand around." Bert told him as the goblin sighed and walked away.
The next goblin was strange, dressed in a blue ballgown with a blond beehive hairstyle on her head, the most ridiculous thing though was the breasts, they were nearly the size of her head, not that this was a slim goblin anyway.
"I'm Queen Gobloon honey, don't stare, they're real, i'm here to try for the game, bring the crowd something nice to look at" she said, winking. Bert's nose crinkled, but the goblin took it in stride. "Don't sweat it honey, I get that all the time, don't worry, i can play the game too, we'll win if i have anything to do with it." she smiled, kindly, chuckling a little, she wasn't too serious at least, that was good Bert decided, what with the rest of the guys being so serious in how they believe in their madness.
Sighing Bert pinched his nose and tried to hold back his tears, he had to make a team with these loonatics.
"Oh, I see, not even going to look at me eh Mr. Man?!" A goblin yelled, Bert opened his eyes to see an angry looking, chainsaw wielding goblin.
"I'm Sigg Gilmore! I'm playing on your team, apparently I've got to play bloodbowl, they say I've got a talent, the f**king idiots!" the goblin said angrily, though now it was more just general anger than at anything in particular. Something inside The retired player told him more pople called the goblin "slashy gilmore" as he stormed off, kicking a bloodbowl ball hard in anger.
After this much crazy Bert stood up "taking a break for five, go grab something to eat and come back then" he told the crowd, taking his wiskey and taking another drink, he couldn't go on dry.
The break didn't last long though as a goblin and troll walked up, both using posh canes and with black, thin, greasy hair. they walk with a light hobble and looked generally weasily.
the Troll approached the bloodbowler and flicked his hair out of his face cockily and smiled the smile of someone who wants to think he's better than you but can't quite master it. "I think you'll zee uz." he said, there was a sharp edge to it, like a threat.
"Ah, I am Herr troll" the Troll said, flicking it's hair away again, as the squeaky voiced goblin added "and I'm Herr Goblin!"
"Hush you verm!" Herr Troll told the goblin who lowered his head is shame. "sorvy"
"now, ve vill get in Corrrrvect?" The Troll told Bert and left, hobling away quickly, which ruined the illision even more as Bert shook his head, what had he gotten into?
The break had almost finished and people were beginning to file back in as a goblin in a trench coat ran up to Bert and grinned happily "aah~" he said as he opened his coat, revealing his naked body, after "jiggling" for serveral seconds he closed the coat and ran off again. Bert was almost sick but held his food down and made a note to let that guy do that to the other team.
As Bert sat at the table again for the group a goblin dragging a huge ball walked up. "And who are you?" Bert asked.
The goblin grimiced. "I am Goblinface see, I'm a Khorne deamon, I was reincarnated as a goblin by mistake. You're going to give me a place on the team so I can earn my master's attention to get back into the ranks of his army." It explained angrily. Bert just nodded in acceptance by this point, there wasn't any reason to argue, it didn't seem to matter to these crazy goblins.
"Ah, my good man, are you the coach of this ... fine team?" a curiously sophisticated goblin asked, leaning on his chainsaw as if it were a walking stick. Bert nodded, curious about this new goblin.
"Good, good, I would like to join your fine body of goblins, I am a skilled chainsawist, and you'll need someone to lop off a few heads i wager. I'm Montague Capitate" the goblin said, before bert could say anything he corrected him. "Montague, not Monty thank you very much."
Bert nodded. "You don't seem that violent, why a chainsaw?" he asked
"Why, what else can stop a man charging you with such effective strikes, as deadly as an oger yet hand held this baby is. The proper force delivered behind it will end a fight before it has chance to occur." Montague continued.
Bert nodded, he liked the logic and let monty go, waiting for the next guy to approach, which took longer than it should, but eventually the troll stepped forward.
"H-hi, i'm K-kugg, k-ugg c-custard" It told the coach to be.
Bert frowned, was this troll shy? As he did though the troll lept back defensively wincing in fear. nope it was just a coward.
"Please let me in, I promise I'll try hard" it protested after calming down. Bert agreed to give one chance and the troll smiled thankfully, walking away quickly to go hide under it's covers again, It felt like it had something, probably deadly, he wondered if it was Arabin Death Pox.
After that troll another, much older looking troll walked up, with thick grey tufts of hair sprouting from his head and nose, but with no teeth at all.
"Oy, pay attention, good lord, i'm missing my nap for this, you could give some focus to your task. Back in my day w had to work 30 hours a day and had to focus for hundreds of hours at a time!" it scolded, like a grouchy old man.
Bert was somehow still shocked, and just dropped his jaw, was this old troll scolding him?
"good lord, we don't need a coach, back in my day we didn't have coaches, we had sticks." the troll lent in menecingly. "and we didn't have these new-fangled balls, we had sticks. Good sticks, not like the rubbish you have now, good, strong sticks. Can't get a good stick for love nor money anymore. I'm Kranky, now iI'm going to go nap you young whipper snapper. Just don't let any of these filthy goblins touch me." The Troll said leaving again as Bert took another big drink from his whiskey.
The next goblin walked up bold as brass and stood watching Bert for a few seconds, grinning widely.
"So why did you come today?" Bert asked, feeling he had to start.
"I didn't, I'm not here." the goblin said brazenly
"But I can see you." Bert responded quickly.
"No you can't, it's someone else" He responded.
"okay, did you come to play bloodbowl?"
"No, I'm here for the dance classes."
"But there aren't any dance classes" Bert found himself protesting.
"they're for the Reikland Rivertrot, they happen every week, I think they might be charging extra today though, what with the dead halfings in the water." The goblin lied through it's teeth, that same oblivious smile as it turned and left again.
"Sorry about Adam, he's a bit of a liar." the next goblin explained as Bert looked at him through the double faceplam.
"I'm Jimmy Twoface, and this is Flib Bandersnatch" the goblin explained, pointing to his shoulder. Then jimmy looked at his shoulder and snorted.
"good one" he giggled stupidly. "sorry about Flib, he's a bit rude." The goblin explained. "second heads sometimes are, separate brains you know.
Bert continued to watch the goblin's shoulder, searching for any sign of the second head, was he dreaming, surely goblins couldn't be this mad right? Regardless the blitzer continued to soldier on and dismissed Jimmy, jotting his and "flib" down on the list.
The next guy to stumble up to the table smiled dencely, his ball and chain dragging behind him.
"ah, another fanatic, who are you?" Bert asked
"I am beings Manny, am a gobins. I am wantings to be helper with the team. And to maybe meat somes goblin ladi parts~" It uttered drunkenly, barely understandable through the slur.
Bert nodded as the goblin smiled lewdly and made air groping gestures to himself. The goblin stank of booze and gave off an aura of stickiness, Bert could feel it on his table, every time he moved his arm. Wanting to get away from the goblin Bert shooed the fanatic away as jotted the name down.
The blitzer desperately wanted another break, but before he could take it another goblin walked up, or more specificly two. once they stepped forward they kissed passionately then looked back over to the coach.
"We're here to sign up" They said in unison, it was kind of creepy. the two giggled and the left one indicated for the right to go first, and turned back to Bert, making sure to give his partner a quick grope as he did. "I'm Bill and this is Ted, We're lovers, we want to play for your team and show gay goblins can play too!" The first one explained.
Ted smiled and nodded. "And if they don't like it they can build a bridge and cross it, We're here and also queer, deal with it."
The two smiled as their names were jotted and walked away embracing each other. Bert grimaced, more out of agitation than anything, those two were annoying, and could give gays a bad name.
A goblin with a big helmet and even bigger swirl patterned glasses walked forward and set the lenses of his glasses spinning as the helmet beeped. "you will put me on this team." he said in what sounded like he was trying to do hypno-voice, but came across more as creepy.
Bert rolled his eyes and copied the voice "What is your name, I should add you too the list"
"oh" the goblin said with disappointment taking the hat off. "I'm Dabbrane, I'm going to take over the world!" it explained, throwing aside the hypno-helmet and walking away in disappointment
The next goblin to walk up grunted and put a hand on the table, putting down a piece of paper which had "I
The goblin continued to watch dumbly as Bert jotted down the name then walked away, scratching his head in confusion.
Kurgiss, a goblin who was closer to a snotling in size stormed forward and glared his hardest as Bert. "i'm applying for your team, and if you make any quips about my size if break yer F***ing nose." he let out angrily, looking ready to murder just at the mention of a size difference. "Put Kurgiss for my name, i'm going to get something to eat, and you aren't stopping me." It continued before storming of again, not letting Bert get a word in.
A Pogoer was the next over as he hummed jovially, bouncing away. "I'm bounder, and I'm your friend, can I play?" it asked chirpily, Bert smiled, this was almost refreshing, a happy goblin, but then it happened, and bounder began singing a song about fun. "F is for friends who bloodbowl together, U is for ultimate funtimes and N is for n-ee-where at all, playing bloodbowl with me" he started, going on for another four verses of different things fun can be an anogram for, all so "sweet" Bert could feel the heart attack.
Once the pogoer left bert was almost sobbing to himself as he downed the last of his bottle, he wasn't drunk enough for this.
That was it though, the last goblin, or at least so he'd thought, that was before one of the streamers was cut and the Blood bowl official screamed from the other side of the feild as another goblin ran over, and looked a Bert quizzically, tilting his head to the side "oou?" it asked, holding a pink pair of panties. Bert looked up to the Official who had stormed over and quickly snached her panties back, bright red and glaring at Bert.
"You're in, I'll put you down as Turgzam" he whispered to the goblin, who did an excited backflip, ooking to himself.
That was it, the last of the goblins, finally, it was a blissful relief that only seemed to last a few minutes, now he had to choose which ones to keep and who to send home, that wouldn't be an easy choice, they were all crazy.