Blood Bowl 2: Tin Cup - Channel H-News
Oct 6, 2015 23:08:48 GMT
Kaiser, Insidious, and 5 more like this
Post by hdawg on Oct 6, 2015 23:08:48 GMT
Week 1/2
Hello and welcome, sports fans! This is Channel H-News reporting to you direct from Spike TV in collaboration with Cabal Vision!
It's the moment we've all been waiting for... The sports the same and the injuries no less bloody, but now we get to view all the action in High Definition!
The Iron Phoenix: Tin Cup has kicked off in earnest and week one results are coming in now! While we don't have a direct video feed to ...well... any of the matches, we'll give you the details as they come to us on the ground.
Furthermore if you're a head coach of one of the twelve participating teams and want a more detailed account of your matches, post on forums the time of your match and we'll see if we can't get our cameras there to take footage and watch the live action!
Either way, all this talk of new leagues makes me want to strap on a lance and shield and get out there on the pitch to skewer some Greenskins!
So let's get to our first round of matches!
Tin League is where our 'newbie' action is. Not that the coaches are inexperienced, per say, but rather that this gives all coaches an opportunity to field rookie players and try and find potential star power amongst the dregs of the IP League. For many of our young players this will be their first time ever stepping foot on a pitch! Sure, many might be descendants of great houses or former Blood Bowl legends, but more likely than not they're going to end up as little more than a stain on some Minotaur's boot. As you all know, many of these organizations will become feeder teams for Bronze, Iron, and Immortal league play so all of these young players are out to make a name for themselves.
Let's take a look at the breakdown here for our tournament entries!
Can you say, holy Brettonians? I feel like there must be an unprecedented level of boredom and peace in the realm to have this many houses and noblemen coming down south to Iron-Phoenix Blood Bowl. The human to non-human ratio is staggering! While there's only one human team who have joined up from the Empire we have FOUR Brettonian teams here, vying for dominance. Each one eager to prove they are the best representative of their homeland. There's bound to be some bad blood and rivalry amongst such proud and pompous men. We have two Chaos teams in the mix, fielding Beastmen, Chaos Warriors and a lone Minotaur to keep things extra spicy for our viewers. The Saurus have one team to root for as do the insufferable Greenskins, but every League needs a Villain! The pointy-eared folk are well represented, much to the dismay of long-time viewer and co-analyst Bob Bifford. With one team from each race; Wood Elf, Dark Elf, and High Elf, we stand a good chance of seeing a non-human team crowned as champion. But where are all the dwarf and Skaven teams you might ask? Rumors are abound that Dwarves have been strictly forbidden from this first round of play, though all Cup Organizers have vehemently denied any and all such allegations. From what we've gathered from our source in the Skaven camps, is that they have no interest in coming to a League where the cup isn't filled with year-old smelly Camembert cheese. Maybe next time for all you Stuntie and Ratty fans!
Round one had:
Head Coach Apolloswill and his Wood Elf team The Phoenix Gladiators was first to face the Brettonian ‘scourge’ as we’ve taken to calling them here at the desk; in the form of The House of Eagles lead by Head Coach Cerumol. He chose to field a pair of wardancers and a treeman along with a bench heavy with lineman! When we asked Bob what he made of it, a team not fielding any throwers or catchers on a team historically fond of doing so, he simply replied ‘smashin’ pointy-eared gits is all the same, who cares what position dey play at?’ An excellent point, Bob! Meanwhile Cerumol was content to field a typical array of Blockers and Blitzers, escorted by a deep bench of peasants? The match was a pitched affair, with a final score of 0-1 in favor of the Bretonnians. The turning point being a death inflicted on one of Apolloswill’s linemen. When asked to comment on the tragic loss of a teammate, the Head Coach replied ‘no one liked him anyways, and now we have an apothecary on roster.’ Well there you have it, folks. No time to mourn the dead! MVPs for the game were Titus Crestseeker and Timothy Devries, though I feel that honorable mentions should be given to Grub, the peasant for inflicting the kill. Showing us that even the little guys down in the mud can make the difference!
Head Coach Michaels brought his Beastmen, a pair of Chaos Warriors and, of course, a Minotaur to bear in last weeks match with his team, The Suk Monkeys. He faced off against Head Coach Nails and The Dominant Dragons. You guessed it sports fans, Lizardmen. Gives you the chills just thinking of those Cold-Blooded killers charging down the pitch at you. Though, Nails opted not to field a Kroxikar. Some might view that as an odd choice, but he had confidence in his team and it showed through on the score board. With a dominant display his team lived up to its name, scoring a 2-0 victory against the Chaos. This was a block heavy game, with 41 blocks thrown to 51. Both sides suffered injuries, with one player from Michaels bench being ejected for fouling while he thought the ref wasn’t watching. Black and White drake scored the two touchdowns, not surprising since they’re pretty much the only lizards out on the pitch capable of understanding that the ball is meant to be picked up instead of eaten. People like to talk about how un-agile these Saurus really are, but I say, never underestimate their stupidity either! MVPs however of course went to Diamond Dragon and Ulgor.
Head Coach Insidious has turned his attention from his more experienced teams in various other leagues around the world and chosen to focus in on his newest prospect, House Zauvirr. A group of Dark Elves blacker than the most wretched of nights! He faced off against our villians of the competition The Bad Land Suns, despicable Greenskins led by Head Coach Blamn. Despite their confident laughter and stylishly good-looking armor, the Dark Elves never had a chance. In what some Tin Cup organizers have been quoted as saying was a ‘most brutish and foul affair’ the House Zauvirr proceeded to get smashed and quite literally broken across the field. They tried to give as good as they got, but were outnumbered on blocks at a very telling ratio of 3 to 1 and suffered 5 casualties, four of which were serious enough to have the players fired from the roster. Some say there are lies, damned lies, and statistics, but this is one number that can’t lie. The Greenskins were SO monstrous they never allowed House Zauvirr to pick up the ball once during the course of the match. It was either in their grubby green paws or on the ground, along with their fallen Elven comrades. Bob Bifford, no fan of pointy ears, was heard mumbling beneath his breath ‘Even I’m starting to feel bad...’ He of course denies having said any such thing. The Bad Land Suns carried the day, 2-0 with Suhk earning MVP for his team and an injured Hasbro was awarded MVP for House Zauvirr for his heroic efforts to stay on his feet. Fear not friends, we have it from a good source, that a House Zauvirr assassin may or may not have been spotted leaving the Bad Land Suns’ locker room after the match.
Head Coach Mercy Flush had the difficult task of bringing Lord Pompington to the pitch last week, a 'noble’ High Elf who has never played Blood Bowl prior, yet insisted on calling his team by his own name and on bringing his entire staff with him. When asked why he wouldn’t accept actual players, he snootily replied 'What if I get hungry and Horthien isn’t present to fetch me something to dine upon? Or what if somehow I tripped and got my uniform dirty? I’d require Belsathion to wash it for me.’ Squaring off against him was Head Coach: Ze Kaiser himself of The Kaiser's Seahawks. He’s a veteran coach, who gives an unusual preference to any teams who have Seahawks in the name. We spoke briefly with him, and he was quoted as saying ‘I’ve been a fan since, the 1980’s’ While we here at Channel H-News have no idea what that means, perhaps someone out there will! He’s chosen a human team this cup, a race he has a real soft spot for we hear, and it showed on the field. The Seahawks smashed into Lord Pompington’s staff and scored an impressive 3-0 victory. Though the blocking was a little one-sided there managed to be two major injuries on both sides, one of which was team MVP Horthien! Lord Pompington of course claimed the title of MVP for himself, insisting he wasn’t people, just ‘the help.’ Tarvaris Jackson won the team MVP for the Seahawks and is quickly gathering a name for himself in the league as being a thrower with an exceptionally strong arm!
On a Blood Bowl pitch across from that game we had Head Coach Jordinoboy with his Brettonian team The Shire Reeves locked in a grudge match against a rival Brettonian contender The Gorland Monarchs led by Head Coach Gorbag. Both teams brought plenty of nobles with them, Blitzers and Blockers abound. In a match of armored humans, barely able to see out of tiny visors while running around bashing each other blindly, it’s a wonder that any scoring was done at all! With a staggering 53 blocks to 26, it also becomes clear why it can be argued that The Gorland Monarchs got the worse of the exchange. Though the game ended in a draw, it quickly became apparant that it was a match of attrition. With 6 KO’s and a fatality, it was no small feat for Head Coach Gorbag to have held of his opponent in the 2nd half! MVPs were Corpral H. Richards, a Blocker and surprisingly a peasant by the name of Tall Sniffer. Curious, we interviewed the Gorland Monarch player after the match and asked him how he felt being named MVP for the match. His response was ‘Hurrr hurrrr, mud in me’ear!’ We felt it was best to clear out, as it seemed his team mate Guy d’Artois had just heard the news and was on his way to make the poor fellow’s face even uglier. But don’t think The Shire Reeves are going to let this one go easy, they were denied a victory here, and they’ll be out to prove that doesn’t make the two teams equals!
Our last match of the week was Head Coach ThreeofClubs with his Chaos team Food For Thought facing off against....sigh, YES, another Brettonian team. This one has a rather odd smell to it, as they’re called- I can’t believe this is actually correct. The Fish Knights. Head Coach Shaunuthun was asked to comment on the name, and to our displeasure he seemed more than happy to answer. He informed us the name came from the odd pregame ritual the ‘eccentric’ nobles like to do. They have their peasants dumps vats of dead fish into a communal bath and soak themselves in fish oils. They’re convinced that the smell, combined with the slippery sheen it gives to their bodies, makes it nigh impossible to want to block them. The peasants have been also quoted as sayin’ ‘Daahhhhh, welikey smell fish!’ Incredible...Well, I know who i was rooting for this match, though i was dismayed to see that ThreeofClubs chose not to go with a Minotaur on his starting roster. An option more and more Chaos teams are championing due to the large beasts’ propensity to rip your head off while attempting to teach them the rules of the game. I wasn’t, however, disappointed with his team’s results. In a 2-0 victory over their fishy foes, it was still a much closer match than the score lets on. With a very close 42 blocks thrown to 39 and an injury apiece this could have been anyone’s game. Hungry Longfellow really was the force behind their win, with two touchdowns he was an obvious choice for Food For Thought’s MVP. Norbert Fish, the Fish Knights’ team MVP shares a name with a familiar sports analyst. I wonder if there’s any relation? We’ll have to keep our eyes on this new up and coming Brettonian nobleman!
That’s all we have time for today, sports fans! But tune in next week for more-
Wait...This just in! I'm being told now by HR that many of our viewers might, in fact, be Greenskins and are twerping in to tell channel H-News that they find my earlier comments that I enjoy running them down with lances both offensive and/or threatening.
To such viewers, I say...You've been warned! Stay off our &$(*#@ pitch!
Read more: iron-phoenix.freeforums.net/thread/2145/tin-cup-match-day-2
For details on the upcoming match schedule and pregame Shenanigans from Lead Sports Desk Analyst Mr. In!
See you all next time!
Hello and welcome, sports fans! This is Channel H-News reporting to you direct from Spike TV in collaboration with Cabal Vision!
It's the moment we've all been waiting for... The sports the same and the injuries no less bloody, but now we get to view all the action in High Definition!
The Iron Phoenix: Tin Cup has kicked off in earnest and week one results are coming in now! While we don't have a direct video feed to ...well... any of the matches, we'll give you the details as they come to us on the ground.
Furthermore if you're a head coach of one of the twelve participating teams and want a more detailed account of your matches, post on forums the time of your match and we'll see if we can't get our cameras there to take footage and watch the live action!
Either way, all this talk of new leagues makes me want to strap on a lance and shield and get out there on the pitch to skewer some Greenskins!
So let's get to our first round of matches!
Tin League is where our 'newbie' action is. Not that the coaches are inexperienced, per say, but rather that this gives all coaches an opportunity to field rookie players and try and find potential star power amongst the dregs of the IP League. For many of our young players this will be their first time ever stepping foot on a pitch! Sure, many might be descendants of great houses or former Blood Bowl legends, but more likely than not they're going to end up as little more than a stain on some Minotaur's boot. As you all know, many of these organizations will become feeder teams for Bronze, Iron, and Immortal league play so all of these young players are out to make a name for themselves.
Let's take a look at the breakdown here for our tournament entries!
Can you say, holy Brettonians? I feel like there must be an unprecedented level of boredom and peace in the realm to have this many houses and noblemen coming down south to Iron-Phoenix Blood Bowl. The human to non-human ratio is staggering! While there's only one human team who have joined up from the Empire we have FOUR Brettonian teams here, vying for dominance. Each one eager to prove they are the best representative of their homeland. There's bound to be some bad blood and rivalry amongst such proud and pompous men. We have two Chaos teams in the mix, fielding Beastmen, Chaos Warriors and a lone Minotaur to keep things extra spicy for our viewers. The Saurus have one team to root for as do the insufferable Greenskins, but every League needs a Villain! The pointy-eared folk are well represented, much to the dismay of long-time viewer and co-analyst Bob Bifford. With one team from each race; Wood Elf, Dark Elf, and High Elf, we stand a good chance of seeing a non-human team crowned as champion. But where are all the dwarf and Skaven teams you might ask? Rumors are abound that Dwarves have been strictly forbidden from this first round of play, though all Cup Organizers have vehemently denied any and all such allegations. From what we've gathered from our source in the Skaven camps, is that they have no interest in coming to a League where the cup isn't filled with year-old smelly Camembert cheese. Maybe next time for all you Stuntie and Ratty fans!
Round one had:
Head Coach Apolloswill and his Wood Elf team The Phoenix Gladiators was first to face the Brettonian ‘scourge’ as we’ve taken to calling them here at the desk; in the form of The House of Eagles lead by Head Coach Cerumol. He chose to field a pair of wardancers and a treeman along with a bench heavy with lineman! When we asked Bob what he made of it, a team not fielding any throwers or catchers on a team historically fond of doing so, he simply replied ‘smashin’ pointy-eared gits is all the same, who cares what position dey play at?’ An excellent point, Bob! Meanwhile Cerumol was content to field a typical array of Blockers and Blitzers, escorted by a deep bench of peasants? The match was a pitched affair, with a final score of 0-1 in favor of the Bretonnians. The turning point being a death inflicted on one of Apolloswill’s linemen. When asked to comment on the tragic loss of a teammate, the Head Coach replied ‘no one liked him anyways, and now we have an apothecary on roster.’ Well there you have it, folks. No time to mourn the dead! MVPs for the game were Titus Crestseeker and Timothy Devries, though I feel that honorable mentions should be given to Grub, the peasant for inflicting the kill. Showing us that even the little guys down in the mud can make the difference!
Head Coach Michaels brought his Beastmen, a pair of Chaos Warriors and, of course, a Minotaur to bear in last weeks match with his team, The Suk Monkeys. He faced off against Head Coach Nails and The Dominant Dragons. You guessed it sports fans, Lizardmen. Gives you the chills just thinking of those Cold-Blooded killers charging down the pitch at you. Though, Nails opted not to field a Kroxikar. Some might view that as an odd choice, but he had confidence in his team and it showed through on the score board. With a dominant display his team lived up to its name, scoring a 2-0 victory against the Chaos. This was a block heavy game, with 41 blocks thrown to 51. Both sides suffered injuries, with one player from Michaels bench being ejected for fouling while he thought the ref wasn’t watching. Black and White drake scored the two touchdowns, not surprising since they’re pretty much the only lizards out on the pitch capable of understanding that the ball is meant to be picked up instead of eaten. People like to talk about how un-agile these Saurus really are, but I say, never underestimate their stupidity either! MVPs however of course went to Diamond Dragon and Ulgor.
Head Coach Insidious has turned his attention from his more experienced teams in various other leagues around the world and chosen to focus in on his newest prospect, House Zauvirr. A group of Dark Elves blacker than the most wretched of nights! He faced off against our villians of the competition The Bad Land Suns, despicable Greenskins led by Head Coach Blamn. Despite their confident laughter and stylishly good-looking armor, the Dark Elves never had a chance. In what some Tin Cup organizers have been quoted as saying was a ‘most brutish and foul affair’ the House Zauvirr proceeded to get smashed and quite literally broken across the field. They tried to give as good as they got, but were outnumbered on blocks at a very telling ratio of 3 to 1 and suffered 5 casualties, four of which were serious enough to have the players fired from the roster. Some say there are lies, damned lies, and statistics, but this is one number that can’t lie. The Greenskins were SO monstrous they never allowed House Zauvirr to pick up the ball once during the course of the match. It was either in their grubby green paws or on the ground, along with their fallen Elven comrades. Bob Bifford, no fan of pointy ears, was heard mumbling beneath his breath ‘Even I’m starting to feel bad...’ He of course denies having said any such thing. The Bad Land Suns carried the day, 2-0 with Suhk earning MVP for his team and an injured Hasbro was awarded MVP for House Zauvirr for his heroic efforts to stay on his feet. Fear not friends, we have it from a good source, that a House Zauvirr assassin may or may not have been spotted leaving the Bad Land Suns’ locker room after the match.
Head Coach Mercy Flush had the difficult task of bringing Lord Pompington to the pitch last week, a 'noble’ High Elf who has never played Blood Bowl prior, yet insisted on calling his team by his own name and on bringing his entire staff with him. When asked why he wouldn’t accept actual players, he snootily replied 'What if I get hungry and Horthien isn’t present to fetch me something to dine upon? Or what if somehow I tripped and got my uniform dirty? I’d require Belsathion to wash it for me.’ Squaring off against him was Head Coach: Ze Kaiser himself of The Kaiser's Seahawks. He’s a veteran coach, who gives an unusual preference to any teams who have Seahawks in the name. We spoke briefly with him, and he was quoted as saying ‘I’ve been a fan since, the 1980’s’ While we here at Channel H-News have no idea what that means, perhaps someone out there will! He’s chosen a human team this cup, a race he has a real soft spot for we hear, and it showed on the field. The Seahawks smashed into Lord Pompington’s staff and scored an impressive 3-0 victory. Though the blocking was a little one-sided there managed to be two major injuries on both sides, one of which was team MVP Horthien! Lord Pompington of course claimed the title of MVP for himself, insisting he wasn’t people, just ‘the help.’ Tarvaris Jackson won the team MVP for the Seahawks and is quickly gathering a name for himself in the league as being a thrower with an exceptionally strong arm!
On a Blood Bowl pitch across from that game we had Head Coach Jordinoboy with his Brettonian team The Shire Reeves locked in a grudge match against a rival Brettonian contender The Gorland Monarchs led by Head Coach Gorbag. Both teams brought plenty of nobles with them, Blitzers and Blockers abound. In a match of armored humans, barely able to see out of tiny visors while running around bashing each other blindly, it’s a wonder that any scoring was done at all! With a staggering 53 blocks to 26, it also becomes clear why it can be argued that The Gorland Monarchs got the worse of the exchange. Though the game ended in a draw, it quickly became apparant that it was a match of attrition. With 6 KO’s and a fatality, it was no small feat for Head Coach Gorbag to have held of his opponent in the 2nd half! MVPs were Corpral H. Richards, a Blocker and surprisingly a peasant by the name of Tall Sniffer. Curious, we interviewed the Gorland Monarch player after the match and asked him how he felt being named MVP for the match. His response was ‘Hurrr hurrrr, mud in me’ear!’ We felt it was best to clear out, as it seemed his team mate Guy d’Artois had just heard the news and was on his way to make the poor fellow’s face even uglier. But don’t think The Shire Reeves are going to let this one go easy, they were denied a victory here, and they’ll be out to prove that doesn’t make the two teams equals!
Our last match of the week was Head Coach ThreeofClubs with his Chaos team Food For Thought facing off against....sigh, YES, another Brettonian team. This one has a rather odd smell to it, as they’re called- I can’t believe this is actually correct. The Fish Knights. Head Coach Shaunuthun was asked to comment on the name, and to our displeasure he seemed more than happy to answer. He informed us the name came from the odd pregame ritual the ‘eccentric’ nobles like to do. They have their peasants dumps vats of dead fish into a communal bath and soak themselves in fish oils. They’re convinced that the smell, combined with the slippery sheen it gives to their bodies, makes it nigh impossible to want to block them. The peasants have been also quoted as sayin’ ‘Daahhhhh, welikey smell fish!’ Incredible...Well, I know who i was rooting for this match, though i was dismayed to see that ThreeofClubs chose not to go with a Minotaur on his starting roster. An option more and more Chaos teams are championing due to the large beasts’ propensity to rip your head off while attempting to teach them the rules of the game. I wasn’t, however, disappointed with his team’s results. In a 2-0 victory over their fishy foes, it was still a much closer match than the score lets on. With a very close 42 blocks thrown to 39 and an injury apiece this could have been anyone’s game. Hungry Longfellow really was the force behind their win, with two touchdowns he was an obvious choice for Food For Thought’s MVP. Norbert Fish, the Fish Knights’ team MVP shares a name with a familiar sports analyst. I wonder if there’s any relation? We’ll have to keep our eyes on this new up and coming Brettonian nobleman!
That’s all we have time for today, sports fans! But tune in next week for more-
Wait...This just in! I'm being told now by HR that many of our viewers might, in fact, be Greenskins and are twerping in to tell channel H-News that they find my earlier comments that I enjoy running them down with lances both offensive and/or threatening.
To such viewers, I say...You've been warned! Stay off our &$(*#@ pitch!
Read more: iron-phoenix.freeforums.net/thread/2145/tin-cup-match-day-2
For details on the upcoming match schedule and pregame Shenanigans from Lead Sports Desk Analyst Mr. In!
See you all next time!