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Post by hdawg on Nov 7, 2015 4:10:12 GMT
(gorbag1) Gorland Monarchs vs (Apolloswill) Phoenix Gladiators (Shaunuthun) Fish Knights vs (Kaiser) The Kaiser’s Seahawks (ThreeofClubs) Food for Thought vs (Hdawg) Hdawg’s Strikers (Jordinoboy) Shire Reeves vs (Nails) Dominant Dragons (Mery Flush) Lord Pompington [&Staff] vs (Cerumol) House of Eagles (Insidious) House Zauvirr vs (Michaels) Suk Monkeys
*A commercial clip rolls, images of Imperial soldiers, dwarves, and elves flash on screen. They wage a terrible war of attrition against seemingly endless waves of Skaven Clan Rats that surge through the tight city streets and deserted market squares. A veritable tide of vermin. As the defenders fire their rifles, unsheath their blades, and heft high their warhammers; letters begin to float across the screen. The letters form words and then the words form into sentences as the commercial draws to a close.*
The weeks roll by like endless hills alongside a twisting river. Past the wooded countryside of Altdorf that stretches on forever. Through treacherous goblin glade and corrupted skaven den. The Empire shall fall to ruin the only question left is when?
*ENLIST NOW* Is emblazoned on the bottom of the screen.
Week 7
Hello sportsfans and welcome back from our commercial break! We here at Channel-H News are happy to be casting to you live from inside our studio, which i assure you, is at present very safe. Certainly no skaven about here, no sir! Or else I doubt I would still be here. Political affairs and impending Ratpocalypse aside, let’s not focus on the possible ressurection of the Great Horned one, and instead zero in on this past round’s action and on the upcoming games to look forward to! Assuming the world doesn’t end of course...
First on the docket, Gorbag! No, that’s not a clever slogan for a giant bag full of angry minotaurs waiting to gore you. It’s the name of head coach of the Gorland Monarchs! They’ve traveled all the way up from the eastern coast of the Great Ocean to compete in this years Tin Cup, and what a unfortunate last game they were forced to suffer through! A very close, and very low scoring loss of 0-1 against the Chaos team, Food For Thought. ThreeofClubs, Head Coach for the food-obsessed beastman, was quoted as saying ‘Not the most exciting game in Blood Bowl...’ The crowd was actually close to rioting at the very end there. Rocks were getting readied, but it was a very tactical game of blocking and hoping for stuns or KO’s to secure an advantage. In the end, Star Player Silvia Pate managed to tip the scales in the Chaos’ favor and the Bretonnians were forced to accept their fourth loss of the season. Gorbag and his men are headed into a new match-up that is going to be an entirely different style of game. From bashing, caging, and sharpened horns they must now shift gears and practice avoiding antlers to the face and groin, and prepare for the impressively flashy leaping skills of the Phoenix Gladiators. Head coach Apolloswill managed to give those fishy fellows on Head Coach Shaunuthun’s Fish Knights a run for their money. With a commanding 3-0 victory we were unable to get JJ Johnson our goblin on the ground to be there ringside. Something about not getting paid enough to fight Vermin just to get to a Blood Bowl pitch; so instead we took a quote from Apolloswill to ask him about the results of the game. He was quick to say before we leapt to any conclusions that, and we’re paraphrasing here, ‘I know what you’re thinking, but the score isn’t an indication of how the game went. They had my wood elves pressed all through the first half, and we were only just able to score on turn 8. Then everything went poorly for those Brets in the second half. The peasents could dodge, but the rest of his players couldn’t. Shaun clearly had the better players, we were just the lucky ones! Oh...and Channel-H News is the most awesome channel out there, way better than Cabal Vision and all their competitors.’ Yes, that’s more or less EXACTLY what he said. *coughs* Well! What about their upcoming face off? Will the woodsy elves of the Phoenix Gladiators come up big against these Chaos? Well, they’ve got some damn scary War Dancers on their line up. Titus Crestseeker is faster than most of the Skaven running around outside, and he’s got the footwork to stay upright. Straight up, if you don’t have someone with some tackle training, he’s not going down without a lot of help from Nuffle on your side. And as for Kaeso Titanchaser, well he’s been practicing in the Rolling Stoners’ dug out on trolls they’ve borrowed from Green Skin teams. Those Troll Slayers have got him as dauntless as they come, and he’s got a mean right hook to put even the big guys on the pitch to shame. They’re still very much the backbone of this elf team, but with the freakish strength of Manius Meadowstride and the dirty playing style of Rufius Farlight this team is more dangerous than they first appear. Also, despite their middle of the pack standings of 2-1-3 they have the 2nd highest Team Value in the entire cup. If you’re listening, head coach, these are dangerous foes, Gorbag! You’re going to need to sick Team Captain, Guy d’Artois on his sidestepping fiend of a Wardancer when you’re on defense. When you’ve got the ball, cage up heavily and hope the elves’ cage breaking tactics are poor or that their leap attempts result in some shattered hip bones and knees. Good luck to both teams and may the best non-greenskins win!
Next up, the aformentioned Fish Knights under the command of Head Coach Shaunuthun. Still rattled from the death of Griswold Salt Drinker, and coping with the absolutely devastation groin strain to Nathan Bass’s groinal....region... The Fish Knights were too rattled to perform properly. They failed dodges, botched simple hand offs. All the while Norbert Fish looked to the sideline forlornly, no doubt wishing Bass was here to lay the hurt down on the opposition. They were handed a very briney salty loss 0-3 by the Phoenix Gladiators. Next up, they’ll be facing the Kaiser’s Seahawks. A switch from elves to humans, but not Brettonians like themselves for a change, this time it will be the Empire that stands across from them on the Blood Bowl pitch. But they faired very well against Hdawg’s Strikers, securing a solid 3-2 victory against them in round three. Will they be able to commit again like their past games and make the plays that count when they’re under pressure, or will they fold like they did without their full leadership back in place? After all, Emile Squid is now out with a fractured arm, and team simply doesn’t have the funds to replace their deceased team mate. They’re going to be hard pressed with just two blitzers out there, but if anyone can do it, it’s Nathan Bass and the infamous Norbert Fish. The Kaiser is still reeling after ‘alledgedly’ strangling a Shire Reeves fan who managed to crawl his way into the Seahawk dugout. This is two weeks in a row he’s been forced into a draw. This time it was the Bretonnian Shire Reeves who held him to a low scoring 1-1 match. Though they managed to throw 15 more blocks than their opponents and out-run their foes by more than 30 yards, the Seahawk’s armor just wasn’t up to snuff. Time and time again they were knocked to the ground, stunned, KO’d, and two players badly injured. Lynch, a Kaiser's Seahawks blitzer was later examined by the team’s apothecary and it was determined his hand was entirely smashed. They’ve wrapped it in a cast and said he can go out next game and wield it like a club once the mold has set. Still, they’ll be on exactly 11 players going into this match up. Will being short one blitzer make the difference? Probably not. The Russel Willson; Richard Sherman duo is what Head Coach Shaunuthun really needs to watch out for. With above average human passing and catching skills these two star players hardly need a line up of skilled blizers in front of them. Not to mention Brandon Mebane, the local town Ogre that was wrangled up and put on the team, is now skilled at guarding his ‘squishies’ as he’s taken to calling them. Perhaps Lynch’s smashed hand is actually from all the hugs the big ogre has been dishing out post game. We will never know sports fans, but we’re eager to see how this one pans out!
We’ve heard all about Food For Thought, what with their cunning coach ThreeofClubs and their Star Player, Sylvia Pate, but what of their minotaur, George Donewell? Apparantly he’s been accused of being a ‘good for nothing’ by the Head Coach and on more than one occasion he’s been threatened with being turned into a steak! We sent down Ivanna Blocku for an attempt at an exclusive interview with the furry horned beast, to see how he was coping with such abusive treatment from an authority figure. Unfortunately he got very angry as we approached the cage, having seemingly been deprived dinner as punishment for his poor play last match. He was like a wild animal! He kept trying to gore us through the bars, so for our own safety we called off the interview and may or may not have put in an anonymous call to P.E.T.A. (People Eating Tasty Animals). What were you thinking? No, we wanted to see how well done he’d have to be to make him crisp just right! Suffice to say, they’ve got great presence on the line of scrimmage while this bull remains alive and healthy. Not just in the form of their less than useful Minotaur, but also in a quadra line up of Chaos Warriors ThreeofClubs is fielding. Though none of them have trained extensively at blocking, they’ve gotten accustomed to just bashing their foes into submission through raw talent. Emlon Dickinson is the closest to ‘mastering’ this whole effective blocking thing and then before too long their entire line up will be a threat for even the strongest of Saurus or Black Orc players. That said, Hdawg’s Strikers are coming off a very comfortable win against Head Coach Mercy Flush and his high elf team, Lord Pompington [&Staff]. With a score of 4-1 they were able to get several players the much needed field time they needed. The match was tight early on, with back to back scores from both teams, but a solid pass down the center followed by a disasterous pick up on turn 8 by the high elves made it a 3-1 match going into the second half. Through the 2nd half the scoring remained fairly low, the elves seemed to have given up most of their hope at a win and spent a good deal of the time on the ground or standing around. Allowing a final TD right before the end of the half without opposition. With several new players trained in everything from tackling, to guarding, to kicking the ball, these humans are going to have a whole lot of skills to fall back on to contend with these terrifying Chaos players. If they’re going to have any hope of winning, Tiny Tim is going to have to tie up George Donewell, and maybe knock out a Chaos Warrior or two in the process. It’s going to be a tightly fought match. We don’t envy either of you Head Coaches this round!
For our fourth match up we have the Shire Reeves under Head Coach Jordinoboy who are now the 2nd team to tie the Kaiser’s Seahawks. One team putting them down a peg was a fluke, but now it’s two teams back to back. It’s qickly becoming a riot to see who will actually beat them next. Is the Kaiser’s golden team really all it’s cracked up to be? That’s the question on everyone’s minds back home in the Empire. After all, the Dominant Dragons haven’t given up a loss yet. We went for a comment from Jordinoboy on his tie, but found him surprisingly in another match with his team the Nasty Nibblers (Skaven who apparantly missed the memo that they’re supposed to be taking over all of Auld World) against the Darth Wars(a team of more or less freshly hatched Lizards) who are another farm team of Head Coach Kaiser. It seems these coaches are at it again! Perhaps trying to decide through their own methods a way to settle the last weeks draw. And honestly, what better way to settle a dispute than on the pitch while commanding other players to bash each other senseless? Whatever the reason, let’s head on over to the Shire Reeves opponents for this round. We just mentioned them a second ago, they’re the lizards you love to hate. The most dominant team around, easily living up to their reputation. That’s right, it’s Head Coach Nails’ team the Dominant Dragons. We spoke with him briefly between practices and exchanged a few words. We had noticed in his game against House Zauvirr that his new Kroxigor, Tiamat simply isn’t performing very well. After all, the Dark Elves lack of dodging skills is what sealed the match for the lizards, not his supposed star Lizard who weighs in at a whopping 1100 lbs and costs an even more staggering salary of 140,000k. He said that he was, and we quote, ‘Still putting her through her paces. She’s got a lot of training to do. The most useful thing about her that game was her tail and she failed most of the blocks she made.’ A less than glowing assessement from one’s Head Coach. It seems that many of the big guys and big gals this round are underperforming. Still, he has high hopes to add another team to his list of ‘beatens’ this coming week. We look forward to seeing who ends up on top. Will the Shire Reeves be able to pull off another tie, in back to back games against both the 2nd and 1st place team, or will they do one better and be the first to defeat the scaly dragons?
Head Coach Mercy Flush has had a rough couple of games these past few weeks. Each one with the promise of securing the High Elves their first win. Two ties and four losses was not where these noble blooded individuals expected to be. Who cares that they weren’t trained proffesionals, after all, how hard could a ‘sport’ actually be? They might have handed their last game over a little fast, but they were dead set on trying to sneak out a win against their last opponents, the Phoenix Gladiators. This week they’ll be facing off against House of Eagles, Head Coach Cermol’s 3rd place team. With the House of Eagles having only dropped a lone game against the undefeated Dragons, it’s going to be hard to get mentally geared up for this match. Especially since their strong point, the throwing game, has been deprived of them. With deaths that they’ve been unable to fill, the armored elves must rely on untrained members of the team if they want to try the throwing game. Sure, they’re agile and quick with their ball handling skills, but we’ve all seen how frequently the agile ones seem to mess up when they just go for it or dodge out of easy tackles. It seems like such a cruel fate, but they’re going to go into this match 2 players short yet again, having only earned a measly 10k for their loss last round. By comparison, Cerumol is going to be throwing everything including the kitchen sink at his opponents. He has thirteen players on roster, with a full compliment of blockers and blizters. Timothy Devries is damned fast, and dodgy to boot, having racked up all kinds of hall of fame stats. He’s the 5th most experienced, the 2nd highest in rushing yards, and in the top four scorers with four touch downs so far this season. He alone has scored more than a third of the House of Eagles’ touchdowns and is a force to be reckoned with. Perhaps Lord Pompington [&Staff] should try and hunt him down. After all, Chiltern Headground is known for his brutal pummelings, not his ball handling or scoring capacity and taking out their star player and team captain might cause Henry Freshfeet and their new team purchase, Chiltern Deepblood, to mess up and start forcing errors. It’s going to be a slugfest to get past these armored knights, but we wish Head Coach Mercy Flush all of Nuffle’s blessings! We’ll sacrifice a well done bull for you if we’re given the chance *eyes George Welldone’s portrait* Mmmmmh. <3
Last up, we have a battle of the defeateds! What...we were told we can’t call them losers on air. We’d get in trouble and people might interpret that ‘the wrong way’. Not sure what this supposed wrong way is, BUT, no matter. The facts are this. Head Coach Insidious took a harsh and hard beating last match. And not from the Dominant Dragons who they faced, but from the pitch! That’s right sports fans never underestimate the lethality of the eath beneath your feet! In all my years of sports casting i have never and mean NEVER seen a more agile team fail so horribly at dodging and running in the open field. Players from House Zauvirr who were meant to be able to dodge through all sorts of traffic, scoop up balls, and sprint to victory were reduced to bumbling buffoons that made Brettonian Linemen look nimble. They could not, for the life of them get a break. Dodge after dodge failed. Simple hand offs and picks ups, also failed. It really became so bad that Head Coach Nails from the Dominant Dragons just had to make sure the elves failed rather then force plays. Not a great showing. Nuffle must have cursed them indeed as they were unable to get anything going off of the two passes they did manage to complete. Their opponent is Michaels, Head Coach to the Suk Monkeys. This is another team that’s been struggling to recover from injuries and replacements, finally able to field 10/11 slots, they’ll only be forced to play with one unknown this coming match. Despite their short comings in having only two Chaos Warriors, they do have an exceptionally well trained minotaur when you compare him to George Donewell from Food For Thought. His name is Kongog and his name is fast becoming legend amongst Suk Monkey fans. He’s a brute, true. He’s not the sharpest one at following instructions that don’t end in ‘make it dead!’, no one would deny that. But what he lacks in cunning and language comprehention he makes up for in his unique discovered talent. He IS skilled in blocking. Through a simple test and reward system and shiney images of squashed halflings being fed to him by the wheelbarrow-load he began to understand that if he protected himself against incoming hits he’d be rewarded with more halfling-sized snacks in the post game. He’s never knocked himself out since. Next you’re going to have to work on his footwork...Good luck getting him not to stumble. If there’s a dodgy minotaur in this cup I’ll eat my hat! The shouts of KON GOG - KON GOG - KON GOG will shake the stadium in this upcoming week’s game. Will their team enthusiam earn the Suk Monkeys their first win here against the Dark Elves of House Zauvirr? Only time will tell. Tune in next week sports fans for all your Channel-H News updates!
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Post by apolloswill on Nov 9, 2015 17:39:18 GMT
The commercial clip in the start.....Genius
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Post by hdawg on Nov 13, 2015 16:56:17 GMT
The commercial clip in the start.....Genius Thanks man! I had a lot of fun with this post and everyone was playing Vermintide Thought it was very appropriate
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Post by hdawg on Nov 13, 2015 16:56:38 GMT
Phoenix Gladiators vs Hdawgs Strikers
Dominant Dragons vs Kaisers Seahawks
House of Eagles vs Gorland Monarchs
Suk Monkeys vs Fish Knights
House Zauvirr vs Food for Thought
Lord Pompington [&Staff] vs Shire Reeves
Week 8
Greetings sports fans! We’re back at Channel-H News and you’re back as well, which means you must be interested in watching yet another round of some of the best Blood Bowl this side of Auld World! We’re headed into match day 8/11 so this season of play is swiftly approaching its end. We have a few final pairings and then we’ll be in play offs. So without further adieu, let’s get right down to business!
First up we have Head Coach Apolloswill and the wood elves, the Phoenix Gladiators. Last round they tangled with the Gorland Monarchs and earned themselves a resounding 4-0 victory. Lucius Blazewood managed a TD that game, and the otherwise unskilled lineman will be receiving some extra training this week. A new star is born every week, so the saying goes, let’s just hope he doesn’t burn too bright too quickly! They’ve got a full 12 man line up that’s looking better with each game. They’re going to be a real challenge for their opponent, the Hdawg’s Strikers. Head Coach Hdawg has been in hiding since their 2-1 loss last week at the hands of Chaos team Food For Thought. To make matters worse, their ogre Tiny Tim is out this game due to a nasty leg fracture. Things aren’t looking good for this empire team, their stats are on the decline and the losses and ties have just been piling up. Can they get out of this slump and find a way to scrape out a win here? A lot is going to have to do with how well the humies can play around that treeman, Maximus Hornbeam. On how effective those wardancers, Titus Crestseeker and Kaeso Titanchaser, are on breaking through their lines. And finally if that sneaky git of a player, Rufius Farlight, can injure some of their opponent's lineup without getting sent off himself. Tune in for all the action!
The next pairing features the undefeated, unshakeable, terrifyingly powerful team the, Dominant Dragons. Head Coach Nails can seemingly do no wrong, and tramples all opposition. He triumphed over Head Coach Jordinoboy's team, the Shire Reeves 2-0 last week, and now has his sights set on The Kaiser’s Seahawks. Diamond Dragon earned himself team MVP last week and now both he and his team mate, Bronze Dragon, are almost as terrifying as a Kroxigor with their blocking skills and mighty blows they are, at the very least, more dependable than the moody she-lizard. Combine that with some truly slippery skinks in the backfield and Head Coach Kaiser is going to be struggling to find an edge to exploit. That said, Kaiser and his Seahawks are coming off their first loss of the season. They faced the might of the Fish Knights with Norbert Fish back at the helm with his trusty companion, Nathan Bass, and were edged out in a close 2-1 loss. He needs to regroup if he’s to face the #1 seat team with a hope of pulling off a win. The good news is he’s going into this match with a full 13 man roster so even if one or two players receive nasty concussions he should be able to keep fielding a team. The bad news is that, unless we’re mistaken, one of his blitzers has been retired! Perhaps due to an injury last round against the Fish Knights? But a relative newcomer, Kam Chancellor, seems to have replaced one of their more experienced Blitzters. Will the lack of tackle on the team now make them suffer or will they be able to go skink hunting where other teams have failed? A game definitely worth checking out!
Round three of match day 8 is going to be the top Brettonian team House of Eagles under the guidance of Head Coach Cerumol facing off against fellow Brettonians the Gorland Monarchs. Head Coach Gorbag is going to have his hands full if he’s going to pull off some kind of upset here because as it stands, these are the facts. Cerumol has four blitzers fielded, three of which are very well experienced by this late point in the tournament. Henry Freshfeet is absurdly agile, meaning all manner of beyond elf bullshit will become suddenly possible. He’s got two of his four blockers trained in guarding his blitzers and a five man lineman front to keep his foes at bay. On Head Coach Gorbag’s side he has only Guy d’Artios that can claim to be experienced out of his four blitzers and he’s actually short a blocker, only being able to field three at the moment. Now, it is worth pointing out that he does have funds to purchase a fourth, but that even if he does he’ll still only have 4 lineman to square off against the deeper House of Eagles bench. Tall Sniffer does have some blocking skills, but will that really give him the edge in the front lines? It’s tough to tell. The real news is that perhaps House of Eagles players might still be a bit rattled after their 1-0 loss to Sir Pompington [&Staff] last round. They were hard-pressed to get their hands on the ball for a good part of the game, and when they did they just weren’t able to execute well enough to put the ball in the endzone. They’re bound to still have that on their minds, but will it work out to be inspirational or a detriment! Head Coach Gorbag can only pray that it’s the latter. Hopefully this will give him a chance to prove to all Brettonians that he can hang with the top ranked Bret team in Tin Cup and make the boys and girls back home proud!
Ahhhh, Chaos vs Brettonia. A battle of the ages. It should be marginally less bloody than the battlefields we’re so used to seeing littered with the victims of the Chaos advance...but maybe not. Suk Monkeys under Head Coach Michaels couldn’t quite find a way to squeeze out a win last round, getting the worse of an exchange with the dark elves of House Zauvirr in a 3-1 loss. Though they weren’t the victors that week, it has allowed Michaels to scoop up his third Chaos Warrior, a big difference on any Chaos front line. It doesn’t help though that their Journeyman from last game, Sloukgy Antler, won team MVP for his heroic...well, he actually didn’t do much that game to merit the award. Oh well, I’m surprised that the goat wasn’t picked up by the Head Coach, but perhaps funding just wasn’t able to afford both a new addition and his precious Chaos Warrior. He’d no doubt been saving up to add him to the roster. His opponent, Head Coach Shaunuthun will be headed into this game ready for a scrap. His Fish Knights performed superbly last round in their victory over The Kaiser’s Seahawks and he’s got Emile Squid back from the Apothecary this week, giving him a three man blitzer front to square off against the larger Chaos Warriors and accompanying Minotaur. Vito Hammerhead also managed to make a throw last game of all things to get his final training in! Experienced in guarding, he’s going to be an invaluable asset on the front lines so expect to see the Head Coach putting him where he action is thickest. Team Kicker, Guppy is going to be instrumental on defense, getting the ball to perhaps tactically advantageous locations for the agile Squid to scoop up. Nathan Bass, as always, will head up the bashing front, but he’s been doing a lot of slide tackles our correspondents have been informing us. A new skill he’s been developing we believe. It might come in handy this round as it will limit Suk Monkey’s ball carrier, Gnarzy Hide, from being able to reliably dodge out of traffic. This match proves to be a bloody one, sports fans. I’m excited to see how this one stacks up.
Round five has two victorious teams clashing on the blood bowl pitch. House Zauvirr are the dark elf team Head Coach Insidious has chosen to back for Tin Cup and despite their very rough start to the season, what with players dying and getting crippled left and right, they’ve battled back to be a late game threat in the season. Their last win, 3-1 over the Suk Monkeys finally allowed them to pick up a new star positional. Mentos has joined the roster and she is as gorgeous as she is deadly. Anyone who has watched an dark elf girlfriend unload on their now ex-boyfriend knows they are terrifying on any day, least of all when you give them spiked boots and bladed armor! She’s not team captain yet, still bowing to the experience of Krell who appears to have been visiting some Stunties armor crafting smiths. His armor is looking decidedly beefier than earlier games and ...what’s this. No! Krell HAS been surpassed as leader of House Zauvirr, but not by the Witch! Mothrin, the teams runner has been officially been given the position of leader and will be shouting out instructions to team mates on the fly during this weeks upcoming match. Lineman Apollo is out with a gouged eye, but it shouldn’t be too much of a handicap for this now full line up team to cope with. Their opponents are Food For Thought, the Chaos team backed by Head Coach ThreeofClubs. He’s coming off a dominant showing against Hdawg’s Strikers with an absolutely stunning turn 8 play. Food For Thought’s Elizabeth Brownies, an unskilled Chaos Warrior, did the brunt of the hard work during the play, succeeding in a dodge, a pick up, two go for its, and a successful throw to fellow unskilled beastman, Shel Silversteamed, in the endzone. That TD secured them their 2-1 win in the end as it demoralized the Strikers beyond repair. They will need to bring the same kind of devil may care style this week to compete against the Dark Elves and their line up!
Lastly we’ve got a match up between the High Elves of Lord Pompington [& Staff] led by Head Coach Mercy Flush, doing battle against the Shire Reeves the Bretonnian team run by Head Coach Jordinoboy. This week was the first win for Lord Pompington [& Staff] against the House of Eagles, a well deserved triumph after a grueling season of draws and losses. It afforded them...it seems only 10k? Surely that’s impossible, not on a win, but then again they have no new players on the bench, still sitting at 10 out of 11 players. Either way, their dodgy blitzers are going to be crucial to their team strategies this week. Combined with a few well placed kicks from Horthien Augdirdar they’re going to need to rely on slipping through the lines, scooping up the ball, and throwing downfield. They still lack a thrower, but have little other choice. They won’t win an extended bashing match, not against a team like the Shire Reeves. With four blockers almost all of which are trained in guard or jumping up after they wrestle their foes to the ground, they’d be hard pressed to hang out in a scrum for long. Count on Head Coach Jordinoboy using his blitzers to good effect. Expect Corpral O. Hillsbrough to start with the ball and then dump it off backwards to one of his nearby team mates. Captain S. White will be the answer the Shire Reeves need for when they’re trying to get the ball out of the hands of their dodgy foes as he’s well versed in the art of slide tackling. The Shire Reeves yoeman on the other hand, though simply lowly lineman, are struggling against a myriad of injuries ranging from niggling ones to full on broken necks and smashed collar bones. You can expect to see PC. K. Bucket and PC. M. Write to start the game on the sideline and get subbed in only as a last resort. In fact, once this team has a little bit more funds I wouldn’t be surprised to see PC. M. Write get the boot. The lineman aren’t known for their agile footwork but if they can’t even hang in a fight against a little skink or a gutter rat then what’s the point? Who shall win this one? Will Lord Pompington [&Staff] manage their 2nd win of the tournament or will the Shire Reeves finally secure a win of their own? Tune in for this and all the other exciting matches for this week of Tin Cup!
For upcoming match arrangements check iron-phoenix.freeforums.net/thread/2275/tin-cup-match-day-8?page=1#ixzz3rOKPiHxD
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Post by shaunuthun on Nov 13, 2015 20:06:28 GMT
Awesome as usual
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Post by hdawg on Nov 13, 2015 21:46:38 GMT
Awesome as usual Thanks so much! I'll try to find more time for interviews and extra fluff again once more. <3 Maybe muddle through some games I'd semi recorded. Just tough, this month is Nanowrimo so a lot of my free writing time gets eaten up
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Post by Squiggy on Nov 13, 2015 22:27:42 GMT
Awesome as usual This. ^
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Post by Insidious on Nov 13, 2015 22:39:33 GMT
If this is you without much time, wow, just wow
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Post by hdawg on Nov 14, 2015 0:08:08 GMT
If this is you without much time, wow, just wow Yeah *blush* But I'm woefully behind on my word count. National Novel Writer Month AKA Nanowrimo is like a personal challenge to start on Nov 1st and come the end of the month you need to have written 50k words or more. I think I'm hovering near 10k and last I checked November does not have 50 days T.T I need to step it up!! But I appreciate all the love <3 I'll play my match tonight against Apollo and if folks are around throughout the weekend/Monday+tuesday+wednesday I'll hunt around for interviews for upcoming matches
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Post by hdawg on Nov 20, 2015 13:21:27 GMT
Phoenix Gladiators vs Shire Reeves
Lord Pompington [&Staff] vs Food for Thought
House of Eagles vs Kaisers Seahawks
House Zauvirr vs Fish Knights
Suk Monkeys vs Gorland Monarchs
Dominant Dragons vs Hdawgs StrikersRead more: iron-phoenix.freeforums.net/thread/2310/tin-cup-match-day-9#ixzz3s2OgVHMZWEEK 9Hello and welcome back to Channel-H News! It’s week 9 of the 2015 Iron Phoenix Tin Cup seasonal qualifiers! With the playoffs only three weeks away, things are really coming to a head here in the final matches of this tournament. We’ve seen everything this season from stunning throws, to intercepts and fumbles, along with some of the most brutal deaths ever seen in an all rookie cup. These teams might be new, but they sure know how to throw blocks! Now, lets get right to what you’ve all been waiting for and dive into last weeks results and analyse the matches yet to come. First up Phoenix Gladiators will be testing their elfy skills against the Shire Reeves. Both Head Coach Apolloswill and Head Coach Jordinoboy are coming off draws last round. The elves duked it out with the empire’s Hdawg’s Strikers, earning themselves a 3-3 result and the Bretonnians were locked in a much tighter 1-1 draw against the High Elves of Lord Pompington [&Staff]. A result that both teams were no doubt not entirely happy or dissatisfied with. It’s always nice to get the win this late in the season, but it sure-as-Khorne beats a loss! The Phoenix Gladiators, despite having their armor broken at a ratio of more than 3to1 and having a fireball dropped on their heads, continued to keep their human foes on the ropes. With end to end action and plenty of wild passing from both teams, it was one that the fans thoroughly enjoyed. With no major injuries to speak of and a 12 deep bench, The Phoenix Gladiators are poised for a strong showing here against the Shire Reeves. On their end, Jordinoboy’s Brets were frothing for their first win. They dominated control of the ball 62% to 12% and they threw twice as many blocks, resulting in 4 kos and 2 injuries, but despite their best efforts their foes were able to score on them to tie it and also restrict his team from scoring more than just the one TD. In a tight 1-1 game like this the closing turns were absolutely crucial in staving off a loss for either head coach. Coming into this game the Shire Reeves are going to already be acclimatized to the elf style of play after their last match and they also have a full bench to throw into the mix. 13 men strong! Can the Brets wrestle, bash, and blitz their way to victory or are the wood elves going to prove elusive and mobile scorers as they have in the past? Tune in for the highlights next week! Our 2nd pairing of the week is the aforementioned Lord Pompington [&Staff] led by Head Coach Mercy_Flush and he’ll be locking literal horns with the terrifying members of Head Coach ThreeofClubs’ Chaos team, Food For Thought. Last week Lord Pomington [&Staff] struggled to find much time with the ball last game, and were short manned due to the bashy nature of the Bretonnians, but they managed to cling to the 1-1 draw. Is this match going to be another case of them on the defensive, or are they going to be able to scoop up the ball and go on the offensive? They’re facing another team that’s not going to be afraid of mixing it up on the line of scrimmage, so Mercy_Flush is going to have to come up with a sure fire way to get the ball to someone open downfield, and then slow/prevent the Chaos advance. No easy task when Food For Thought is rapidly emerging as a real contender for first place in the Cup. With a 6-0-2 record, they’ve proven that despite a shaky start, any team can prevail against adversity. They’re on a 5-win streak and now have their sights set on the High Elves. Their last match, also against elves, but of the dark elf variety, was bloody and low scoring. A 1-0 slug fest that resulted in multiple KOs and injuries on both sides. They managed to edge out their opposition, forcing Krell and Mothrin of House Zauvirr to make passes instead of running the ball. Despite the best efforts of Nennaen bashing Chaos members senseless, Food For Thought emerged victorious. To make matters worse for Mercy_Flush, Elizabeth Brownies has officially taken over as the leader of the front line as the first Chaos Warrior to complete their block training. Combined with their Minotaur the line of scrimmage is going to be a world of pain for the brittle boned elves. Let’s hope their armor holds up or they can keep them at bay! Everyone from Bretonnia has their eyes glued to the high destiny cameras this week as their nation’s top team, House of Eagles, clashes with the top Empire team, The Kaiser’s Seahawks. Head Coach Cerumol has his eyes set on first place in this tournament, trailing the first place team by the difference of one loss. But this week he faces a major road block to overcome if he’s to earn the title of champion of the cup. That's right it's Head Coach, the ruler of the Empire himself, the Kaiser. The Kaiser’s Seahawks managed the unthinkable this week, defeating first place team Dominant Dragons, ending a 7 game undefeated win streak. It certainly must be playing with Head Coach Cerumol’s head as he must now begin to question if his team is going to be up to the challenge. The Kaiser hasn’t been as consistent in his games, it’s true, but he always seems to get his team focused when a big match is on the line. Cermol is coming off a win as well, but nothing quite as spectacular as what the Kaiser was able to accomplish, though with a much more comfortable of 2-0. The Brettonians proved themselves by knocking the final fellow Bret team off their list of ‘beatens’ with a tidy little win. Not to say it wasn’t costly though... After all, the Gorland Monarchs had something to prove as well; that they could hang with the best of their nation. House of Eagles suffered 2 KOs 3 Injuries and a Death. Their team’s second of the season. Though still in mourning, they’re going to need to really zero in on this match to come if they’re to find a chink in the Kaiser’s armor. Like...maybe hire an assassin to drive a pointy dagger in there or something! Historically the human team has not fared well against their Bretonnian cousins thus far, having drawn 1-1 to the Shire Reeves and losing to the Fish Knights 1-2. Something about this stocky bash composition might be unnerving the Empire’s finest and whatever the reason, Head Coach Cerumol is going to have to find a way to exploit that weakness. But don’t count out the men in white and orange just yet, those Seahawks can smell fear and know how to execute a well laid plan, something that the Kaiser never seems to be in short supply of. With both of these teams poised to be in the top 4, a win here for either team is crucial and very well might be a foreshadowing of a rematch in the finals. Best of luck to both teams! Week 9 will also give us the pleasure of seeing two coaches, Insidious and Shaunuthun lining their teams up against each other at last. With a record of 3-1-4 for House Zauvirr and 4-0-4 for the Fish Knights, coupled with similar team values, this looks to be a very evenly matched game. But look again! The main difference separating these two is the bench sizes. Despite being down a blitzer, Head Coach Shaunuthun can still manage to field a 12 man team. That said, it appears as though Lil Barnacle has suffered another injury! Not only is his armor cracked and beaten beyond all repair, but he still has that terrible broken leg that’s never fully mended from earlier in the season. He’s out for repairs on his kit before he can take part again, but at some point the coach is just going to have to consider cutting the poor fellow go. He’s just not cut out for the Blood Bowl scene and he’s easily replaced with a new eager rookie. The lineman isn’t adding anything to the Fish Knights team value for this round, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets trimmed off the roster come next game, barring any mass butchering of other yoemen. Head Coach Insidious was squeezed out of a win for House Zauvirr last game, and is cursing his bad luck. Through winnings from several hard earned wins, he was able to add the Witch Elf Mentos to he roster. Despite her earning team MVP in the last game against Food For Thought, she’s out with a nasty injury that left her armor crippled. In a surprising decision from the Head Coach we’ve now heard first hand from JJ our goblin on the ground that she’s been fired. Yes, that’s right FIRED. After a staggering 110,000 gold spent on her, and despite being on her way to earning a new skill to support the team, she’s been let go. I suppose the coach just couldn’t come to terms with her being such an easy target in the games to come, and felt what she would bring to the table wouldn’t outweigh her hefty cost. After all, think of all the inducements his remaining dark elves will be awarded without her. A tough call for any coach to ever have to make, and one that Insidious couldn't have made lightly, but we hope in the end it was the right one to make. We will remember you, Mentos, with your surprisingly long lasting minty fresh breath. Our 5th pairing is the Chaos team the Suk Monkies! They’re being led by Head Coach Michaels and he’s going to be squaring off a very grumpy foe, Head Coach Gorbag. His team, the Gorland Monarchs, were beaten by House of Eagles and he’s going to be out for blood after that game. Michaels was similarly unable to pull off a win, in a tightly contested 2-1 he was edged out by the Fish Knights. The Chaos team out blocked their fishy foes, and also covered more ground with the ball on foot, with 86 rushing yards to the Fish Knights' 76, but where they were outplayed was the passing game. A pair of successful passes for 26 years was the edge the Knights needed, and the Suk Monkies were left with yet another discouraging loss. Suk Monkies fans are trying to find the silver lining which is that none of their players were injured, despite the stagger 7 KOs inflicted upon them. So their entire roster is ready to go and looking meaner than ever. By comparison, the Gorland Monarchs are battling a host of injuries. Their blood feud with their rival team, House of Eagles, left two yoemen with pinched nerves and Young Patrick, their third lineman, with a broken neck. He was never a graceful or particularly agile player to begin with, but now he’s going to make the rest look like ballerinas out there. That is of course assuming he’s even kept by Head Coach Gorbag. He’s go some untapped skills to train up, so maybe the coach will look to see what he’s learned from this experience, but don’t be surprised if he’s given the boot. That said, with three injuries for this game he’s going to be fielding a heck of a lot of journeymen one way or another. It's not all bad news for this coach, the Gorland Monarchs’ treasury can afford a new blitzer to finally bring them back up to four. Will the coach invest and give the unfortunate Young Patrick the boot? Tune in next week to find out! Our last match of the week is the Empire’s team the Hdawg’s Strikers vs the lizards everyone has learned to fear, the Dominant Dragons. Head Coach Hdawg has got a lot riding on this match. With four teams above him in contention for playoffs and another two breathing down his neck for 5th seat, he’s got a lot riding on this game. It’s not going to be easy to crack this particular egg, but if anything the Head Coach must be feeling emboldened by seeing his rivals The Kaiser’s Seahawks pull off an upset. They’ve proven they aren’t unbeatable, and if they can bleed...well. That said, Dominant Dragons are going to be furious after their loss and Head Coach Nails is gong to be whipping them into shape for this upcoming match. The lizards not only were edged out of their first match, but it also wasn’t without casualties. In fact, they were handed what some would call a $&*$(ing beat down! 4 KOs, 5 injuries, and 2 Deaths. They barely had anyone left standing at the end of the game! It’s no small wonder the Ogre for The Kaiser’s Seahawks was awarded MVP after single-handedly incapacitating and or killing two of the Dragon’s key players. A skink and a Saurus were the casualties and both have been replaced by fresh players, but their star Saurus, Diamond Dragon is out with a gouged eye for this upcoming game. Sapphire Dragon might also be out with a niggling injury resulting in a damaged back, though our sources can’t confirm that. Which means at best the Dominant Dragons might be down to 5 Saurus and at worst down to 4 from their usual 6. If anything is certain, it’s a big help for Head Coach Hdawg who is desperate need of a win this week after his 3-3 tie to the Phoenix Gladiators. Will the Empire team be able to follow in their brother’s footsteps or are the Lizards about to rebound with a vengeance after their first loss of the season. All will be revealed, next week on Channel-H News!
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Post by Kaiser on Nov 21, 2015 0:19:06 GMT
"ENOUGH!" The Kaiser yelled as he sat back from the edge of his over sized throne, "you vizard turn it off" The wizard moved his hands and mumbled something no one in the hall could understand and with that the ten foot high crystal ball went dark, leaving only a small white dot for a few moments in its center.
"I vant to vatch dis game vith das dragons und meine battle brothers das strikers, you vill get it for me ja?"
the wizard bowed "as you vish... er wish my lord"
The Kaisers eyes narrowed at the wizard for a moment, but what ever though he had quickly left as he turned to a servant "send das strikers a fruit bowl und a a large ham, a holiday ham..."
one of the assistant coaches made the mistake to interrupt his head coach "but Coach it's not yet the holidays"
The Kaiser sprang to his feet "DUMMKOPF! IT IS DAS HOLIDAY VHEN ICH SPRECHEN IT IS A HOLIDAY!... und give das ogre a cake, a black forest cake, lots of cream, I vant das brave boys to vin for das empire, NOW ALL OF YOU GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! ich have a game to plan"
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Post by hdawg on Nov 28, 2015 1:48:37 GMT
"ENOUGH!" The Kaiser yelled as he sat back from the edge of his over sized throne, "you vizard turn it off" The wizard moved his hands and mumbled something no one in the hall could understand and with that the ten foot high crystal ball went dark, leaving only a small white dot for a few moments in its center. "I vant to vatch dis game vith das dragons und meine battle brothers das strikers, you vill get it for me ja?" the wizard bowed "as you vish... er wish my lord" The Kaisers eyes narrowed at the wizard for a moment, but what ever though he had quickly left as he turned to a servant "send das strikers a fruit bowl und a a large ham, a holiday ham..." one of the assistant coaches made the mistake to interrupt his head coach "but Coach it's not yet the holidays" The Kaiser sprang to his feet "DUMMKOPF! IT IS DAS HOLIDAY VHEN ICH SPRECHEN IT IS A HOLIDAY!... und give das ogre a cake, a black forest cake, lots of cream, I vant das brave boys to vin for das empire, NOW ALL OF YOU GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! ich have a game to plan" Ahhh the poor strikers. Sadly they were facing x6 saurus, despite the Kaiser's seahawks best efforts to maim the dragons. They only had 1 out with injury and that cunning Nails bought a 6th journeyman one. To make matters worse I think I got an injury on turn 1 and was short manned. The first half was really fun and went well 1-0 for dragons with the strikers nearly scoring on turn 8. Then I received and unfortunately something happened with my mouse. Started sending players on stupid 1 block hits or moving where I didn't want to send them. I got really frustrated because surprise surprise improvised plans based off botched moves don't work very well. Turn over as a result and 2-0 final result. Soured the game for me. But Tiny Tim didn't get hurt or anything. He'll enjoy the ham. I think the person who accidentally went somewhere astray was either meathead or sir lobbings Jr. so maybe I can write it into the fluff that they had a better idea or an idea that was something different from the team capts and they impulsively did it. Either way, made me really grumpy for the whole day. Don't mind losing to bad rolls, or a failed plan, but technical clicks are just infuriating. Spent the rest of the game brooding and grumpy because all I could think was 'I never wanted to send those guys there... bah' But we appreciate the epic fluff writing! I love the Kaiser Such a ham himself <3
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Post by hdawg on Nov 30, 2015 19:44:23 GMT
(Michaels) Suk Monkies vs Phoenix Gladiators (Apolloswill)
(Cerumol) House of Eagles vs House Zauvirr (Insidious) (Nails) Dominant Dragons vs Lord Pompington [&Staff] (Mercy Flush)
(Hdawg) Hdawg's Strikers vs Shire Reeves (Jordinoboy)
(Kaiser) The Kaiser's Seahawks vs Food For Thought (Threeofclubs)
(Gorbag) Gorland Monarchs vs Fish Knights (Shaunuthun)
WEEK 11 Matches!
Greetings everyone for your final week of Channel-H News season coverage of Tin Cup! We’ve had one hell of a season with all the action any crazed norse werewolf could ever hope for. But, alas, all things must come to an end! Round 10 results are already fully in, despite us not having a lick of pregame analysis or preamble, so we decided to say...screw it. That's right. We took the week off. What are you going to do about it? So, anyway, this week we’ve decided to do something different instead. Well...not entirely different. I mean, we’re still going to take a look at what happened last week and what’s coming up this round. Whatever....shut up and enjoy the cast!
Today we take you through nearly three months in the life of our blood bowl teams. After all, this marks round 11 for our fledgling teams and they’ve come a long way since they’ve been formed. Where did they go wrong, where did they triumph and what kind of a season have they experienced as fresh rectruits out of the drafting pool of Iron Phoenix League. Let’s get right to the action!
First up we have Suk Monkies under Head Coach Michaels and his Chaos team. Last round they had to go up against The Kaiser’s Seahawks and lost out 2-0 to the empire. It was a rather short affair. The Suk Monkies started with the ball, made 22 yards headway downfield and three blocks later they must have caused a turn over. All of a sudden they were getting the tar kicked out of them and it appears as though an early injuy caused the Head Coach to concede the match entirely. A shame to see a game go this way, but it’s sometimes a necessity. Michaels is facing off this week against Head Coach Apolloswill’s team the Phoenix Gladiators who are coming off a stirring 2-0 victory over the Dominant Dragons, making them the 2nd team all season to put these lizards in their place! But it was not without a cost. Maximus Hornbeam, their treeman, along with three other fellow team mates were injured. There was also a fatality on the team. They literally paid for their victory in the blood of their fallen comrades! This week, they’re looking to put their freshly skilled up thrower to use, and give the Chaos the run around. Michaels still has Kongog, the Minotaur with block, along with three developing Chaos Warriors, but they’re going to need to buckle down for a real match here if they’re going to have a hope of stopping these elves. The good news? There should be plenty of squishy targets for him to maim even if they do start losing. Break a few legs and the rest of the team might very well start playing dead and give their opponents the win!
Next up, House of Eagles vs House Zauvirr. The battle of houses! It’s like that HBowwwww show Game of Gnomes all over again! Noble, or ignoble, houses duking it out for superiority; only it’s not over a nation, but instead on a blood bowl pitch! Head coach Cerumol is coming into this match strong after a 2-1 showing against Hdawg’s Strikers. He’s got all his crew ready to go, minus one Dull lineman who bit the dust that game to an errant block, and he’s got several agile humans to put even elves to shame. With tackle on his list of trained skills, and several carriers that can run laps around these elves it’s going to fall to Head Coach Insidious to get inside that cage. The coach is coming off an even more impressive 3-0 triumph over the Gorland Monarchs. His dark elves have never looked in better fighting form! A full bench in the dugout ready to go against these Brettonians. It all depends on who gets the ball first and how fast they’re forced to score. This could easily be a slow stalled defense or fast highpace scoring end to end action! Hopefully House Zauvirr can keep up the momentum going into this match. He’s going to need all the luck and courage he can muster to face these heavily armored humies.
Match three of the round is a clash between Dominant Dragons under Head Coach Nails and the high elf team, Lord Pompington [&Staff] being led by Head Coach Mercy Flush. The Dragons as we already mentioned lost their last game, mainly due to being unable to get their claws on the ball for very long. They’re going to be hungry to really slam into a fresh team here and earn themselves one last match of the season. But will Lord Pompington and all his many staff choose to roll over and play dead? I don’t think so. They very nearly tied their match last week against the Fish Knights and have been eager from the tournament’s first round to show what real pure blood can do given the chance. Their loss was somewhat soured by the fact that they failed to realize there was a final turn left to play in the match and could have scored that all important equalizer! They have one player out with a fractured leg, leaving Mercy Flush with only 9 players, but these elves are no strangers to suffering a journeyman or two on the pitch. With their catcher beginning to outshine even Lord Pompington himself, this game is going to come down to whether or not they can slip him and a few others past the Dragon’s defenses and score quickly. Then a few unlucky catches from the Skinks while their receiving could result in a turn over. If not, they’re going to need to figure out a way to stay away from the Dominant Dragon’s front line of Saurus + Krox. Tiamat is a vengeful god, and she’s always on the hunt for new prey!
The fourth match of the round falls to a battle of the beatens! Hdawg’s Strikers are coming off a loss against House of Eagles and the Shire Reeves are coming off a loss against Food For Thought. Head Coaches Jordinoboy and Hdawg will be pleased in some sense to finally have a match that isn’t against a top four qualifier, but both are no doubt a little upset about how their seasons have gone. The Brettonians have been able to so far accomplish draws as their best results and the Empire’s Strikers have been outshadowed by their rival nations Seahawks and outplayed by most of their opposition. These two downtrodden teams are going to have one last bloody affair on the pitch to vent some frustration and close out the season with a bang. Neither are in contention for play offs so you might even see some fouling down there on the pitch! Jordinoboy must balance the fact that he’s got some new heavily trained players, Captain K Longreach, Corpral G Hammerhand, and Corpral H. Richards, vs the fact that several of his other players are accumulating nasty broken necks and smashed collar bones. How long are PC. M. Write and Corpral M. North going to stay on roster? One thing is for sure, the Striker’s ogre, Tiny Tim, is going to be hunting a few of those Yoeman to train up. Good luck to both Head Coaches in their final slugfest of the year!
Match 5 has two teams that have been waiting all year for a crack at each other. The Kaiser’s Seahawks must stare down Food for Thought. Head Coach Threeofclubs won his last match, as did the Kaiser. Both teams are at full fighting capacity with players like the burly Lynch and speedy Chris Mathews eager to test their luck against the agile Lamb Tolstoy and the blocking fiends Robert Frosting and Emelon Dickinson. Their styles might be different, but there’s only one thing on these coach's minds. Victory. That and an opportunity to scout out some of the potential threats in the form of players for the playoffs. Are they going to fully field their star players? Are there going to be moments where both teams are hesitant about leaving team captains in a dangerous position? Silvia Pate, Hungry Longfellow, Russel Willson, Richard Sherman. These are just some of the names that are iconic to either of these two Blood Bowl franchises. What twist of fate if any of these were maimed, or worse, killed in the last seasonal match? Tragic to even think of. I mean...are we here at Channel-H News offering a BRIBE for that to happen? .... Well, we aren't not offering it. Put it that way. The Kaiser got off relatively easy last round, forcing he concede out of the Suk Monkies, but Threeofclubs has emerged more or less unscathed from his clash with the Shire Reeves. This game is anyone’s to take and we’ll be watchin the HI-Destiny feed with great anticipation here at the studio!
Our final match of this round is another highly anticipated rivalry. It’s the last of the Brettonian-offs. Fellow rivals having one last show down to prove in front of the entire nation, who is better. Well...neither is the best, i mean House of Eagles has proved that in spades. But that’s beside the point! We want to know which of THEM is better! At what you might ask? Why, hitting things of course. Or throwing the ball. Fouling! We’re not too picky after all. Wow us with your skills, gentlemen! Head Coach Shaunuthun is coming off a narrow win 1-0 over the high elves of Lord Pompington [&Staff] and so he’s going to have his eyes set on this final match. While it seems impossible for him to now make playoffs, he is still going to want to finish this season of play off strong. He’s opted to spend every copper they’ve got, draining the team’s funds for khorne knows what. They’re STILL short a blitzer. As though the team is secretly in denial about the loss of their team mate. With six, that’s right, six lineman, it’s no small wonder the tabloids are beginning to talk about the ‘authenticity’ of these Bretonnian nobles. They seem to have a propensity to hire out of the gutter. Some even go so far as to claim these Fish Knights aren’t knights at all, or rather Empire players seeking a cheap way to obtain some heavy plate! Despite the lack of evidence on the authenticity of these rumours, we here at Channel-H News are not above gossip! Head Coach Gorbag is coming into this thing off a stinging loss last round, and are going to have to pull out all the stops if they’re going to want to stay competitive, or even alive, against these fishy fiends. With Alain the Green hitting the gym and Tancred the Pious equally skilled in throwing and catching, the Gorland Monarchs are going to have the option of bashing and passing. They’ve got a full bench, despite a slew of nasty injuries from previous games, but the team’s morale remains high. They’ve got to be hungry to put these rivals in their place on the final match of the season.
And that’s all folks. Literally. We’ll see you in the playoffs with the final fours. All of them are shoe ins with the middle ranking teams out of contention. So, in classic premature fashion, we here at Channel-H News are HAPPY to bring you the four finalists! (As we perceive them to be...any and all predictions are purely imagined, and do not reflect the overall view of the Channel-H News sports desk. Any similarities to events or actual players both living or dead are simply coincidence and unintended.)
Dominant Dragons! House of Eagles! The Kaiser’s Seahawks! and Food For Thought!
And now, for what we like to call. Our trip down memory lane! We’ll start at the bottom and work our way up For a future broadcast yet to come - NEXT TIME - on Channel-H News!
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Post by Kaiser on Dec 19, 2015 23:44:16 GMT
DOMINANT DRAGONS VS THE KAISER'S SEAHAWKS
AND
HOUSE OF EAGLES VS FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Hello and welcome to the Tin Cup (Soon to be renamed Copper Cup for better aliteration) semi finals! Here at Channel-H News we’re happy to be sacrificing a squig or three to the gods in order to wish all teams participating the very best of luck. We know however, that only two teams will make it through to the finals, and so to the losers...well, we are ALSO sacrificing more squigs in prayers to Nuffle, Khorne, and some of the other extended Chaos pantheon to bring ruind, blood, and destruction to your teams. Sorry, but alls fair in love, war, and blood bowl and we want to see ourselves some interesting games!
And what an interesting series we have planned for this week. We hope to bring you live Hi Destiny footage as well as a post game evaluation of where the teams went wrong or caught a bad break. Either one of these games is going to be as challenging, deadly, and exciting as the finals themselves with EVERYTHING on the line for these teams. It’s a winner takes all advancement platform. It doesn’t matter if you’ve won 80% or more of your season games, because this week it’s this game or nothing! Victory or bone-crushing defeat! So let’s see what the match ups are, shall we?
First is the pairing we’ve heard a lot of buzz about. The rematch. The King of Kings team, the lizards you love to hate, the terrible gnashing scaly bastards; The Dominant Dragons led by Head Coach Nails. They’re facing off against the indomitable force that has proven time and time again that they are capable of beating any team anywhere given half a chance. You guessed it, the Empire’s finest, The Kaiser’s Seahawks led by the Head Coach, the Kaiser himself! No, what you’ll be watching isn’t a replay of their season match, but it is a rematch that the Lizardmen are going to be looking to change. The Dominant Dragons were sailing on a high that few Bloodbowl teams manage, a seven game winning streak that made it seem like they had no equal in this competition. They took skilled Head Coaches and made them look like bumbling buffoons, but that’s when they hit the white and red roadblock of the Seahawks. Swooping down upon their lunch, the humans made short work of those Lizzies, polishing off several Saurus and stealing a 2-1 win. Nails only managed to drop one other game all season, and so facing off against them here in the semis has got to be less than ideal, but he’s probably also glad in the sense that if he gets this one out of the way, he should feel poised to win the entire tournament. After all, he beat both Food For Thought and House of Eagles in season play. The thorn in his side; are these humans.
So what’s the game plan? Is Tiamat is out of commision? No, but she should be! She’s earned herself a measly 2 SPP so far in season play. So other than her good looks and flashy tail, she’s not going to be contributing too much to the team’s overall strat. Not like Mebane is for the Seahawks. Of all the remaining big guys he's the best, with the ability to guard his fellow team mates on the line of scrimmage and stand his ground under withering punishment. Nails has a pair of Saurus without block that, despite their size and strength, are going to struggle to duke it out on the line of scrimmage with the Kaiser’s well oiled machine of a team. The Skinks are going to have to do a lot of ball handling when they’re on offense, well....hopefully they’re going to do ALL of the ball handling or else something horrible has happened, but more importantly they might even need to commit the Skinks to the odd block or pass coverage when they’re playing on defense. Especially if the Kaiser does a repeat of last game and goes head hunting for the bigguns. It’s also worth mentioning that there is a distinct TV advantage in favor of the Seahawks. The scores are as follows. Currently it’s 1640 for the Seahawks to the 1550 of the Dragons (before any final levels ups) so what are the Head Coaches’ options going to be in terms of inducements? They’re going to want to balance spending some cash now for this game, but also try and conserve any excess for purchasing inducements for the upcoming finals. The Kaiser has a whopping 160,000 while Nails surpasses even that with 210,000 and roughly another 60-70k coming from the disparity. That means we could easily see wizards, some extra apothecaries, or even some star players in the mix along with the usual suspects of free rerolls and blood weiser babes. Another factor is going to be reserves. Kaiser is sitting with an extra lineman, while Nails has just his core 11 players after losing what appears to be a Skink. If injuries pile up early due to the Kaiser winning the opening kick off. He’d then have to contend with playing the whole game short a player or two, an advantage the Kaiser would certainly exploit. Perhaps that will force Head Coach Nails to invest heavily in apoths and babes, freeing up Kaiser to either mirror him and do the same or go for something a little riskier for the chance of a high pay off. A lot is also going to ride on whether this is a game on Kaiser’s home turf or Nails’ as the Seahawks have their very own Squig Sandwich Kiosk to negate the crowd from hurling rocks and any attempts from the crowd to mob the referee.
We here at the studio are just as keen as you are to see the outcome of match 1. Who will win, the Dragons or the Hawks? You’re just going to have to tune in next week! Now, on to match two of the semi-finals.
This round has the 3rd place and 4th place teams squaring off in a stare down of epic proportions. They’re evenly matched on almost everything! Their TV’s are the same, their cash only a 10k difference and both barely able to purchase even babes. They both have similar ending seasonal records of 7/1/3 for the Eagles and 7/0/4 for Food For Thought. So what’s the breaker? Where are Head Coaches Cerumol and Threeofclubs going to find an advantage to apply some leverage? It’s hard to tell. Both have a full bench with an extra or two to field if things turn bloody. The Chaos have big ole George Donewell, but like Tiamat, he’s entirely unskilled! Is the four man bocking line of Chaos Warriors going to prove too much for the Bretonnian team? Who knows, it might just be a non-factor. After all, Cerumol has four blitzers built to dauntlessly deal with them! So does that mean it’s going to come down to a bash game you ask? I think that’s also far from it. Food For Thought is going to have a hard time shutting down the pair of agile blitzers unless they can get them on the turf and foul the ever living #&@* out of them!
What this match boils down to is who gets the ball first, what do they do with it, and how do the armor breaks square up? We could see a full on cage, a semi set up front line, and certainly the passing game from either team. Food for Thought might not look up to the last of those three, but don’t let their less than agile players fool you. Many have pulled out clutch pass and catch combos under pressure to secure games in season play. Now there’s definitely going to be as much a mental battle on the pitch as there is a physical one. Food for Thought came out the loser of their first match, but not due to lack of trying. Let’s look at the facts. Both teams threw out blocks in the low 40’s, but where the real disparity lies is in the number of injuries. Food For Thought inflicted 7 KO’s and an injury to the mere 2 KO’s and matching injury from the House of Eagles roster. We can’t tell for sure, but we’re fairly certain these KO’s must have started piling up in the 2nd half, once some of the Touchdowns by the House of Eagles were already secure and the game was already out of the Chaos team’s hands. So this round can the beastmen and Chaos Warriors get some of those players off the pitch earlier? Are they going to be able to mount an adequate defense? And is their Minotaur finally going to wake up and start steamrolling some squishies. There’s no shortage of lightly armored yoeman out there, george should have a field day, but he’s going to have to watch out for their fending abilities which could prove to be a good counter to his frenzy. The crafty coach might even be able to use that enemy’s skill to his advantage. We shall have to wait and let the chips fall where they may. Until match time, it’s alllll speculation. And that about wraps it up for us here at Channel-H News. Looking forward to seeing how these results go.
Weigh in! What are your predictions for both games? Final scores? The number of injuries, KO’s, and deaths? Who are you rooting for to get to the final best of three match up? We’ll look forward to your answers and join you again next time!
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Post by hdawg on Jan 2, 2016 1:59:33 GMT
Channel-H News Sportscast of the first Semi Final match between the Kaiser’s Seahawks and the Dominant Dragons. (KS) Denotes a Seahawks player. (DD) Denotes a Dominant Dragon.
The Seahawks won the coin toss and opt to receive the ball. The kick from the Dragons is short and the Lizardmen blitz the ball before the Seahawks can react. The Dominant Dragons get several skinks and Lizardmen beneath the ball, but both Green Drake and Emerald Dragon are unable to hang onto the ball as it lands behind lineman J.R. Sweezy(KS).
Seahawks leap into action as their center, Brandon Mebane(KS) the ogre with a mean right hook, KO’s Kroxigar Tiamat (DD) in the opening seconds of the game. Brock Coyle (KS) tries a risky one block attempt on the Dragon’s star player, Diamond Dragon, and is quickly made to eat the turf causing a turn over. Emerald Dragon(DD) injures J.R. Sweezy(KS), fracturing his leg. He’ll be missing the next game for sure! Deep Red Drake(DD) collects the ball on the 2nd bounce for the dragons and moves into a cage on the right hand side of the pitch.
Kaiser’s Seahawks move to the sideline to cut off their avenue to score, though Justin Britt(KS) manages to slip on a slippery patch of asstro turf and goes down hard, stunning himself. The dragons free up some space on the sideline with a blitz and Deep Red Drake(DD) runs it in to score after nearly slipping on the 1 yard line.
Tiamat(DD) revives and rejoins the team as they kick off to the Seahawks once more. This time the kick is deep in the Seahawks’ half, but there is a pitch invasion! Fans storm the field and manage to knock out a bunch of players. The Seahawks take the worst of it and three men are downed, including Russel Willson who was back to receive the ball. Chris Matthews(KS) moves to recover the ball, but he fumbles it. Emerald Dragon(DD) blitzes Lynch(KS) into the ball and he knocks it into the hands of Chris Matthews(KS) who AGAIN fumbles it.
Derek Colman(KS) blitzes White Drake(DD) and KO’s him. Richard Sherman(KS) tries to pick up the ball and fails to do so twice, bobbling the ball from hand to hand. Finally the Seahawks get a lucky break as Emerald Drake(DD) knocks a player down into the ball and this time it bounces into Richard Sherman’s(KS) waiting hands. He doesn’t get to hang onto it for long as he is knocked down, ball bouncing loose, right towards Chris Matthews(KS), who true to form is unable to hang onto it.
The ball is still on the turf with several Dominant Dragons surrounding it. Brandon Mebane(KS) blitzes Silver Dragon(DD) into the ball and it bounces back behind Justin Britt(KS) into an open patch of turf. Richard Sherman(KS) fails to pick it up and play moves to the Dragons. Tiamat(DD) gets ready to blitz in following Mebane’s example, but she boneheads and forgets to charge. The remaining Saurus surround the ball.
Brock Coyle(KS) heads downfield for the pass as Russel Wilson(KS) dodges out of a pincer between two Dragons and tries to pick up the ball in traffic, but fails. Dragons yet again opt for the safer play of surrounding the ball rather than trying to play it. Justin Britt(KS) fails a block on Diamond Dragon(DD) and for the Dragon’s last turn Silver Dragon(DD) and David King(KS) both go down on a mutually failed block. King is injured from it, just a badly hurt, but he’d be out for the remainder of the match so the Kaiser uses his apothecary to patch him up for the rest of the match.
The half ends. Seahawks are kicking now, the score 1-0 in favor of the Dragons. All KO’s have revived so it’s 11 vs 11 again.
Diamond Dragon(DD) KO’s Justin Brit(KS). Tiamat(DD) and Brandon Mebane(KS) knock one another down. Mebane(KS) Boneheads trying to stand. Chris Matthews(KS) runs downfield through a gap in the Dragon’s defense .
White Drake(DD) picks up the ball and his team mates cage him. Derek Colman(KS) blitzes the cage, but can only push one of the lizardmen back.
The Dragons move the ball up to the middle of the pitch near the line of scrimmage where a full cage forms. The Seahawks mount their assault, but not on the cage. Most of their players move to the far sideline to pick on some isolated Dragons.
The Dominant Dragons capitalize on the Seahawks focus on the one side and run down the opposite sideline, well into the Kaiser’s half. Emerald Dragon(DD) KO’s Kam Chancellor(KS). Brandon Mebane(KS) tries to throw a block, boneheads on the attempt, and the coach shouts instructions at him from the sidelines. The big lout loners and doesn’t seem to understand the orders. Russel Wilson(KS) then promptly slips and falls while trying to move to intercept the ball carrier. The Dominant Dragons are wide open to score.
The Skinks opt to freeze the ball on the 1 yard line and cage the ball carrier. Tiamat(DD) KO’s Lynch(KS). The KO’s are starting to pile up. It’s 8vs11 at the moment. Tarvis Jackson(KS) tries to follow the play moving downfield and also slips.
The Lizards reingorce their skink cage with Saurus. Russel Wilson(KS) tries some risky dodges down the sideline to get at the ball and blitz White Dragon(DD). He makes the first but fails the second.
The Dragons score and kick off. Two of the Seahawks revive making it 10vs11 again. The score is 2-0 with time running out for the Kaiser’s men. Russel Wilson(KS) picks up the ball, passes it to Richard Sherman(KS) who moves to the line of scrimmage and hands off to Chris Matthews(KS). He makes a desperate bid down the sideline to get into position for one final score on the last turn, but fails the dodge past Silver Dragon(DD). As the ball hits the turf, all hopes for a Seahawks score are extinguished.
Diamond Dragon(DD) KO’s Brock Coyle(KS) and then, in a bout of foul play that can only be called meanspirited, David King(KS) fouls Silver Dragon(DD) in the closing seconds of the game in an attempt to injure him. The attempt fails and the final whistle blows.
Ending score 2-0 Dominant Dragons who will be advancing to the finals.
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Match 2 featured House of Eagles squaring off against Food For Thought. Brettonians vs Choas. A match for the history books. (HoE) Denotes a House of Eagles player. (FFT) denotes a Food For Thought Player.
Food For Thought kick off to the Eagles. Slyvia Plate(FFT) is KO’d by a blitz from Chiltern Headground(HoE). Henry Freshfeet(HoE) collects the ball and centers it. George Donewell(FFT) blitzes through the line. Emelon Dickinson(FFT) dodges through a gap and blitzes the ball carrier to the dirt. Hungry Longfellow(FFT) collects it.
Peter Goodfellow(HoE) wrestles Hungry to the pitch. Henry Freshfeet(HoE) dodges out of coverage to pick up the ball. Shel Silversteamed(FFT) blitzes and wrestles Henry down to the pitch, allowing Hungry Longfellow(FFT) to collect the ball for a second time.
Peter Goodfellow(HoE) is unable to wrestle the other Fellow down on a blitz so other Eagles move to try and surround the ball. Emelon Dickinson(FFT) KO’s Charles Quickfeet(HoE) creating a 10vs10 match up. Hungry Longfellow(FFT) dodges out and blitzes while carrying the ball in order to reach his team mates who make an impromptu cage around him.
Chiltern Deepblood(HoE) injures Wiliam Saltshaker(FFT). He’ll be missing the next game for sure. Edward Button(HoE) blitzes the cage alone and miraculously manages to make Hungry Longfellow(FFT) stumble. The ball is caught on the bounce by fellow Food For Thought player, Maya Angelcake(FFT) who promptly runs it in for a Touchdown.
Food For Thought kicks once more, 11vs11 players again, but with one of the Eagles' positionals out they’re forced to field an extra yoeman and play with only 3 blockers. The Eagles collect the ball and make a strong push down the sideline. Henry Freshfeet(HoE) has the ball and hands off to Timothy Devries(HoE). George Donewell blitzes(FFT) Edward Button(HoE) down and moves to cut off the ball carrier when disaster strikes and he falls! Leaving the Eagles wide open to score.
Chiltern Headground(HoE) injures Charles Chickens, fracturing his arm. He’ll be missing a game for an injury like that. Timothy Devries(HoE) runs the ball in for a touchdown to tie the game 1-1.
End of the Half.
Eagles kick to Food For Thought. Robert Frosting(FFT) KO’s Zog(HoE). Dead Eye Trev(HoE) fouls George Donewell(FFT) who was wrestled to the ground when he attempted a blitz. Luckily the poor bull is just stunned.
Hungry Longfellow(FFT) hands off to Lamb Tolstoy(FFT) who runs down the right sideline. Eagles move to intercept, but leave a lane open down the sideline for the Chaos to advance by. Either as a bait or perhaps as an oversight.
Lamb Tolstoy(FFT) opts to take the path offered. He sneaks down that tight pathway with several team mates who give him a partial cage. He’s set up to score next turn. Henry Freshfeet(HoE) is fast and dodges right between Lamb’s defenders and blitzes the ball carrier to the ground. Henry then picks up the ball and ends his move on the 1 yard line of his own endzone isolated and vulnerable.
Maya Angelcakes(FFT) blitzes Henry Freshfeet(HoE) and the Eagle goes down hard. As he falls into the endzone, the ball bounces out the backside and into the crowd. A disaster for the Chaos who otherwise would have surely scored! The crowd hurls the ball to the right sideline who then in turn throws it to the middle of the pitch near the line of scrimmage. The ball lands next to George Donewell(FFT). Robert Frosting(FFT) opts to pick up the ball. Chiltern Headground(HoE) makes a dauntless solo hit on George Donewell(FFT) to free up his team mate Chiltern Deepblood(HoE) who blitzes from prone. He dodges out of coverage and knocks Robert Frosting down. The ball remains loose.
Robert Frosting(FFT) blitzes Chiltern Deepblood(HoE) aside and collects the ball. A partial cage forms. Chiltern Deepblood(HoE) blitzes Frosting to the ground again, but can’t manage the dodge out to pick up the ball.
Hungry Longfellow(FFT) blitzes the only Eagles player covering the ball aside, scoops up the ball, and runs just short of the touchdown. Emelon Dickinson(FFT) injures Charles Quickfeet(HoE). He’s badly hurt and must sit out the game. Timothy Devries(HoE) succeeds in two dodges to reach the ball carrier, but can’t tackle Hungry Longfellow(FFT). Mark Roaster(HoE) KO’s Maya Angelcakes(FFT).
Lamb Tolstoy(FFT) frees up Hungry Longfellow(FFT) with a blitz as Longfellow runs it in for a touchdown. The game looks all but lost with the score 2-1 and only seconds left on the clock, but a riot breaks out. Referees struggle to get the mob back under control and once the pitch has been cleared, they set the clocks back a full minute, buying the Eagles an extra turn. They aren’t out of this yet!
Edward Button(HoE) KO’s Poe’d Pork(FFT). Henry Freshfeet(HoE) gets the ball and hands off to Chiltern Deepblood(HoE) who runs it to the right sideline with heavy support.
Lamb Tolstoy(FFT) blitzes in to get ahead of the ball carrier, but Chiltern Headground(HoE) blitzes him aside, freeing up an avenue for Chiltern Deepblood(HoE) to score with an all out rush for the endzone.
There are only seconds before the half ends and the Eagles manage to pull a perfect defense, making progress from Food For Though impossible. To make matter worse for the Chaos, Arry(HoE) fouls Lamb Tolstoy(FFT) and manages to injure him, making it a 9vs11 disparity for the overtime.
Overtime.
The game is tied 2-2. Food for thought win the toss and opt to receive. Eagles kick off and immediately get a blitz, pushing in deep into their opponent’s half.
Hungy Longfellow(FFT) collects the ball in his end zone. He moves up and attempts a hand off to Slyvia Pate(FFT) who fails to catch it, bobbling the ball twice. Henry Freshfeet(HoE) dodges free and collects the ball in traffic.
Sylvia Pate(FFT) redeems by hitting Henry Freshfeet(HoE) down, Hungry Longfellow(FFT) collects the ball. Edward Button(HoE) suceeds on a blitz. Henry Freshfeet(HoE) dodges out yet again and collects the ball.
Sylvia Pate(FFT) blitzes Henry down and this time Shel Silversteamed(FFT) is the only one who can move to cover the ball. Emelon Dickson(FFT) tries to move to do the same but trips. Timothy Devries(HoE) frees up the ball with a blitz and Henry Freshfeet(HoE) collects it.
Maya Angelcakes(FFT) tries a final heroic dodge/blitz attempt, but fails to get free. Edward Button(HoE) surfs Hungry Longfellow(FFT) into the crowd and KO’s him. Timothy Devries(HoE) gets prepared to score and does so the following turn after Maya Angelcakes(FFT) blitzes in and fails to get Timothy on the ground. Edward Button(HoE) surfs a second Food For Though player for good measure, Sylvia Pate(FFT) this time, before Henry Freshfeet(HoE) dodges out and scores to end the overtime.
Final score 3-2 in favor of the Eagles.
And there you have it sports fans! That’s all for our recap of the semi final matches! Next up, the game you’ve all been waiting for. The match up between the nigh unstoppable Dominant Dragons and the defiant-until-the-end House of Eagles. Who will be named our Tin Cup winner? Tune in next time!
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