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Post by hdawg on Jan 6, 2016 2:12:58 GMT
Greetings one and all, to the last sportscast of Channel-H News! What....No! Not like, the LAST one ever. You grinning jackanapes! Don’t look so happy. I meant the last cast of the Tin Cup! Literally it will be the last one ever, as the name will be changed to copper henceforth. So Copper, Silver, Gold you get the idea. They’re going for a more coiny feel. And personally i can’t blame them, i love bribery in my BB matches! But we’re getting off track here. Today is a recap of the finals! That’s right, they’re done and over and if you weren’t there to watch you’ve missed it. And what a game to have missed. It came right down to the wire and in overtime too. Things happened in that match that I would have never believed if i didn’t watch them with my own three...errr, two eyes! It was the match of the year, the House of Eagles vs The Dominant Dragons for all the peanuts! Let’s get right to the action and go over how the game played out. If you’re feeling adventurous and want to watch the game yourself, Head Coach Nails has a post above that you can put into your ‘replays’ folder. More info on how to do that in his post under the BB2 General forum. The Match! (As always DD will denote Dominant Dragons players and HoE will denote a House of Eagles player!) House of Eagles kicked first. They opted for a strong central formation with three branching lines to cover the sidelines somewhat, but to allow the Dragons to scoot past if they wanted to push one side hard. The kick landed just behind the line of scrimmage about 20 yards. Diamon Dragon (DD) injures Zog (HoE) on a blitz. Yellow Drake collects the ball and his team mates cage for him. Chiltern Headground (HoE) blitzes Silver Dragon (DD), but can only push him back a few yards. Clarence Garnham (HoE) follows up and manages to knock the lizard down. Marky Roaster (HoE), true to yoeman form, follows the hit up with a foul and KO’s the unfortunate and isolated lizard. Evening the # of players on the field back to 10 vs 10. Sapphire Dragon (DD), enraged by the underhanded bashing on his team mate while he’s down, injures Murky (HoE). Bronze Dragon (DD) on the same turn injures Marky Roaster (HoE) on a blitz. The #’s swing back in favor of the lizards! The cage moves marginally forwards, mainly moving from the middle to the left side of the field. Chiltern Headground (HoE) blitzes in on Golden Dragon (DD) and injures him! He’s out with a set of broken ribs. Tiamat(DD) is wrestled to the ground as the Eagles move to block off the front of the cage. Tiamat (DD) boneheads trying to stand, she’s out of the fight! The cage simply repositions as the lizards brace for the onslaught. Chiltern Headground (HoE) blitzes in on the back corner of the cage and his team mates mark up the other three corners. The cage pushes outwards in a series of blocks and Yellow Drake (DD) makes a break for it, racing away towards the endzone by himself. Alone and isolated, Henry Freshfeet (HoE) sees a prime opportunity to blitz him down and collect the ball, when disaster strikes! He slips on some grass just shy of the block. The Dragons are wide open for a touchdown! Yellow Drake (DD) wisely scores rather than risk another blitz attempt and the Lizards kick the ball back to the Brets. There is a quick snap, allowing House of Eagles players to scoot forwards an extra 5 yards on the kick off. Chiltern Headground (HoE) blitzes in deep as Henry Freshfeet (HoE) collects the ball. He throws a long pass to Chiltern Deepblood (HoE) who runs well into the enemy 1/2 of the pitch with allies in support. Green Drake (DD) dodges in with Deep Red Drake (DD) but can’t connect on the blitz. Instead he’s knocked down by the ball carrier. Timothy Devries (HoE) injures Deep Red Drake (DD) on a blitz, freeing up Chiltern Deepblood (HoE) who sets up for a touchdown next turn. Arry (HoE) fouls Green Drake (DD), but just gets a stun. Diamond Dragon (DD) blitzes in on the cage. Chiltern Deepblood (HoE) dodges out and scores, tying the game up 1-1. There’s one last kick and several blocks thrown resulting in a completed pass between some of the skinks for practice and a nasty hit from Diamond Dragon (DD) who injures Arry (HoE), singling him out for his fouls made moments earlier. The Half Ends. Score still all tied up with all the KO’s revived. It’s a 10 vs 10 game now going into the 2nd half. The kick from the Dragons lands right behind the line of scrimmage. Chiltern Headground (HoE) inures Black Drake (DD) and Henry Freshfeet (HoE) collects the ball. Tiamat (DD) boneheads trying to stand so the lizards are hard pressed on numbers. Both teams jockey for position around the middle of the pitch, Tiamat (DD) finally able to rejoin the world of upright players. Eventually the Eagles free up the ball carrier and make a push for the sideline, but then Edward Button (HoE) slips and falls! Turnover. Silver Dragon (DD) blitzes in next to the ball and Green Drake (DD) KO’s Trev (HoE). Timothy Devries (HoE) fires back and injures White Drake (DD) on a blitz. He smashed the poor skink's knee to bits, he’ll be more susceptible to future injuries after a bad wound like that. Henry Freshfeet (HoE) dodges back out to make space on his side of the pitch. Green Drake (DD) KO’s Edward Button (HoE) as Diamond Dragon (DD) blitzes in and ends up adjacent to the ball carrier. Henry Freshfeet (HoE) opts to wait as Timothy Devries (HoE) heads deep. Then he dodges out and completes the throw to him. Emerald Dragon (DD) blitzes the ball carrier, but he’s too dodgy to bring down. Henry Freshfeet (HoE) moves to blitz and frees up Timothy Devries (HoE) who stops on the 1 yard line, just short of the touchdown. Two skinks mount a daring assault and manage to bring the larger player down. Green Drake (DD) manages to pick the ball up in the endzone after nearly slipping, but he doesn’t hang onto it for long. Henry Freshfeet (HoE) blitzes in, injuring Green Drake (DD) and collects the loose ball to score. 2-1 in favor of the House of Eagles with only seconds left on the clock. On the kickoff there is a pitch invasion! 7/10 Eagles players are stunned by the crowd. Only 1 Dominant Dragons player is out from the chaotic free for all on the pitch. The ref tries to regain control and reset a new kick off and wind the clock back but it's no use, the Dragons already have the ball and plan on capitalizing on the interruption. Yellow Drake (DD) has the ball and runs it deep into the Eagle’s half. There aren’t enough lizards left to make a proper cage, but an impromptu one forms using the bodies of stunned House of Eagles players. Only 2 Eagles players remain after one of the three is stunned by a Lizard blitz. The first manages to wrestle a Saurus to the ground and all of the Eagles hopes and dreams now rest on the blitz of Timothy Devries (HoE). He takes out Yellow Drake (DD) and KO’s him, but is unable to make the dodge out to pick up the ball. Still, the crowd goes wild. He's done it, he's secured the Eagles their victory. The clock for the end of the game is on 10 seconds and is counting down. The crowd is cheering. Trumpets from excited House of Eagles fans blaring their victory calls. Nine....Eight....Seven....Sapphire Dragon (DD) a saurus, looks around at all the injured skinks on the sideline or strewn about the pitch then he looks at the ball before looking at his fellow Saurus companion, Emerald Dragon (DD). Six....Five....Four...Sapphire Dragon (DD) does the unthinkable and actually succeeds at PICKING up the ball and then proceeds to hand off to Emerald Dragon (DD). The crowd gasp as the ball now rests in the hands of the large lizard who takes off running for the endzone. Three.....two....one....The mighty lizard runs as fast as it can, the slippery grass and impressive speed forcing it to go for it twice over, and just as the clock hits zero the Dominant Dragons score to tie the game up. 2-2 The game everyone thought was over, is going to overtime! Overtime.All KO’s revive, but it’s looking like a decidedly unfair fight. 7vs10 players in favor of House of Eagles. The Lizards have earned their last chance at the cup, but they’ve paid for it in blood. Kick is made by the House of Eagles to the middle of the Dominant Dragons half. Yellow Drake (DD) is unable to pick up the ball. Chiltern Headground (HoE) injures star player, Diamond Dragon (DD) on a blitz. Henry Freshfeet (HoE) swoops in to collect the ball. Bronze Dragon (DD) blitzes in knocking the ball free, but it bounces right into the waiting hands of blocker, Peter Goodfellow (HoE). Emerald Dragon (DD) kills Dead Eye Trev (HoE), snapping his head clean off his shoulders with a vicious claw to the throat. Clarence Garnham (HoE) fires back and injures Emerald Dragon (DD) Peter Goodfellow (HoE) knowing how important it is for his nobility to earn the final touchdown, hands off to Timothy Devries (HoE) who runs it in deep. He has no support with him, but all the remaining Dominant Dragon players are tied up. Silver Dragon (DD) makes an attempt to dodge out for one final blitz, but is unable to get untangled from their blocker. Timothy Devries (HoE) runs it in for the winning Touchdown of the match, sealing the deal as a final 3-2 score that has the Brettonians winning their first ever Tin Cup Championship! Congratulations to both coaches and thanks to all you viewers for watching the game and/or supporting Channel-H news by listening to our broadcasts! Tune in next week for the start of a brand new rookie season, entitled Copper Cup! We’ll see you out there on the pitch, and may Nuffle bless all of your blocks!
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Post by Kaiser on Jan 6, 2016 6:02:02 GMT
awesome write ups mate (wish someone was reading your final report to me as I watched the game as its great commentary) and it was one hell of a game You media stuff is a thing of beauty and i look forward to it every week. Just wanted to say thanks for the work and effort you put into this, Im a big fan
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Post by hdawg on Jan 24, 2016 19:22:28 GMT
awesome write ups mate (wish someone was reading your final report to me as I watched the game as its great commentary) and it was one hell of a game You media stuff is a thing of beauty and i look forward to it every week. Just wanted to say thanks for the work and effort you put into this, Im a big fan Thanks mate! I really appreciate all the positive feedback. It's always such a joy to find a venue to write and join a gaming community that rocks. IP is exactly what I was looking for from BB so it had to be something more than just luck that made me stumble across it! I'll do my best to do a write up for each of the different teams that my strikers face in Silver and I'm sure I'll be staying on top of Copper Cup with the write ups. I can easily make an exception though for finals and do a big proper write up
Looking forward to seeing how all the silver teams square up as the cup develops. Lotta big teams still around from last round!
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Post by hdawg on Jan 24, 2016 19:24:44 GMT
(Shaunuthun) Robo Rats VS Hood-Ratz (Corporal John)
(Hdawg) Norbert Fish Fanclub VS The Kislev Killers (Kaiser)
(Nails) Patchwork Princes VS Imperial Pirates (Tector)
(Jujuzombie) Falcon 9 VS Trucido (Coach TS)
(MinarasL) Flash-Gitz VS Superheroes and Dragons (KingoftheCosmos)
(Hawk) Its Not Easy Being Green VS The Hobbit Dwarfs (Zymotic)
(IrishKoffee) Arlequins Toxiques VS FTL {Faster Than Light} (Wenteros)
(Dreadskull) Ironstar Rockfists VS Roland Rats (MC Hammer)
Week 2 Channel-H News Pre-Game Update!
Welllllllllllllllllcome sports fans! To another season of Copper Cup! We here at Channel-H News are happy to bring you all your pre and post game write ups! With our fully rounded and equal opportunity studio we offer jobs to ex-war crime criminals such as JJ Johnson, our Goblin on the ground. Stunningly seductive dark elf witches in need of a job after retiring from Blood Bowl, such as Ivanna Blocku. Ogre bodyguards and skink camera crews! You name it, Channel-H has got it! But we're not here to talk about us, despite how awesome we may or may not be. NO! We're here to talk Blood Bowl. What happened? What's Happening? And most importantly, what's GOING to happen? So let's get right to it!
First up we're going to have a match up between the Robo Rats managed by Head Coach Shaunuthun and their ratty buddies, the Hood-Ratz led by Head Coach Corporal John. Now, we have it on good authority that these Skaven are not exactly the same. One team is in fact mechanical and not biological. Were they crafted by dwarven ingenuity? Sculpted by some fiendish necromancers diabolical experiments? Who knows, but they did all right in their first round. They were matched up against Falcon 9 our one and only High Elf team this cup. It was a tight 2-1 victory for the 'rats', but there were very few injuries bestowed upon our mechanical friends, despite how fragile they ought to be. Coincidence? We think not! Oh who cares if High Elves aren't known for their bashy nature, we still think it's highly unusual. And get this, they're all called Model so and so. Hmmmm. What of their opponents? The Hood-Ratz faced off against FTL {Faster Than Light} the solo Wood Elf team to sign up for the Cup. How did they fare by comparison? Well, let's just say those elves lived up to their names. We GET it, you're super fast. No need to beat us over the head with it. *sigh* Back to the Ratz, 0-4 is a brutal start for the Head Coach to overcome. Frankly we've begun to wonder how he's going to fare mentally against his own ratty kin. Hopefully he can pull out a better result despite being down a line rat. We wish both teams the very best of luck since we couldn't care which of you rats gets splatted least! May the rat gods or whoever you pray to bless your filthy little claws!
Our second pairing features the Norbert Fish Fanclub, sponsored by Head Coach Hdawg and The Kislev Killers coached by the Kaiser himself. Yes...MORE rats. They're breeding like crazy in the sewers under Mordheim I hear. Well...that and running around causing the ratpocalypse all over Reikland. But, no matter. We'll allow them to run rampant on our BB pitches as well, I suppose. The Norbert Fish Fanclub on the other hand isn't a book club, it isn't a bunch of groupies (at least I hope they aren't) no, they are in fact a bunch of French noblemen, and less noblemen, who decided to show their appreciation to one of Iron Phoenix's most 'unusual' teams. The Fish Knights now plaing in Silver Cup. You guessed it, Brettonians. Leave it to those zany Frenchmen to come up with an odd team concept. The Kislev Killers faced off against Flash-Gitz. Ugh, greenskins *shudder* I still get the creeps whenever JJ sneaks up on my in the studio. I'll be frank. I HATE orks. I break out in hives every time I see them on the pitch. The Kislev Killers? More like the Kislev get Killed's! They sustained 2 deaths while playing against their brutish foes and an injury to boot. Poor poor Sweetness the gutter runner. You shall be forever remembered, Bucky Hardtooth the linerat. Odd though that their team mates started chewing on their dead corpses immediately after the game...leave it to skaven to both amaze and disgust. LUCKILY one of their hire-ons was none other than famed Skaven player, Hakflem Skuttlespike. He in no small part helped them to pull out a 1-1 draw against their larger foes with his 1st half save and flashy hand offs in the 2nd half. Only due to the amazing throws of Mr B. the orc blitzer were the greenies able to tie it up before the final whistle. They'll have a rough time of it now against the relatively unscathed Fish Fanclub, but their speedy skills and general slipperiness should help them to carry the day! Good luck to you rats and humans alike.
Match 3 is a royal rumble between Empire and Brettonia! We have the Patchwork Princes staring down the Imperial Pirates. Head Coaches Nails and Tector are going to be working overtime trying to analyze one another's weaknesses before the match. The Princes were absolutely stunning last round against their fellow Bretts. They had those Fish fans reeling from KOs and the ball securely in their possession. It looked to be a final score of 1-0 as they pushed deep into the Fanclub's half. Yet, despite having been dominant all game long, they were nuffled in the end. Down to only 6 players, the Norbert Fish Fanclub channeled their namesake's leader. The crowd began to chant 'Norbert, Norbert, Norbert!' and somehow they managed a pair of solo blocks, a near impossible pick up and a dodge out as the cherry on top to keep the dream alive. The final score is 1-0 in the end, but not the way the Patchwork Princes expected. Their players and coaching staff must be feeling absolutely raw after that result. OH! This just in we have a direct quote from the Head Coach Nails himself down pitch-side, we go now to the footage. *Nails grabs the camera with both hands, face inches from the screen* "We were robbed! ROBBED, I tell you!" Well, there you have it. But what of the Pirates? They played It Isnt Easy Being Green, another greenskin team. See what they did there with the name? Well of course you did...you'd have to be an addled ogre not to. At any rate, their match was a 1-1 draw. Low scoring, but that just means a tight defense from both teams! The Imperial Pirate's ogre, Mar Flayer was nominated team MVP, a fact the Pirates must be very pleased with. However, Markut Wulf is out with torn up back. That's sure to be an injury that comes back to bite him again in the future. They'll be short a player going into this round and that might make all the difference in a tight game to come. Pirates vs Princes. Sounds like something out of a story book! We'll keep you posted on the final results.
Next up to the pitch is Falcon 9 the high elves, led by Head Coach Jujuzombie vs the Chaotic members of team Trucido under the management of Head Coach TS. You already know the result for the Falcons, a 1-2 defeat against their Skaven foes, but what of the players and the team as a whole? On paper they absolutely dominated this game. They claimed 68% ball possession, out blocked the rats by 17 blocks, inflicting 5 KOs and an injury, and outran them by a good 22 yards. So what happened? Well, Head Coach Jujuzombie had a methodical approach, carefully advancing his cage of armored elves up the pitch bit by bit, zigging left and right during the first half of play resulting in a score on turn 8 of the drive. Going into the second half it was 11 vs 10 in the elves' favor as they kicked to the rats. After scoring in typically speedy fashion it was 1-1 and the Robo Rats kicked the ball back to the members of Falcon 9. Then, in an uncharacteristically brash move, the elves broke from their cage-based play and tried a risky advance up the left side. It wasn't long before the rats sniffed out the weakness, like some smelly cheese, and stole the victory out from under them! But enough of elves elves elves. Give us some CHAOS! Trucido was pitted against the members of the ratty ranks of team Arlequins Toxiques. What's this? The rats conceded the game? Well, frankly I don't blame them, but that's....I mean, the chaos will just run away with this cup at this rate if no one wants to face them. Alright...fine, it seems they did face them, but inexplicably he forfeited the game on turn 14. True, injuries were starting to add up and maybe the Head Coach felt it was getting too dicey for his remaining rats. Perhaps he pulled out to prevent more of them from becoming swiss cheese! Still, it seems odd to forfeit so late and forgo his MVP bonuses! He could have remained down and played possum instead of rat. Oh well, I hope the Coach knows he gets one tactical concede per season! Let us hope he doesn't need one again soon. But what about Trucido, we've been thinking nothing but rodent of late. Well, he's set up with two very well developed Chaos Warriors and two similar beastmen to boot. Not bad at all for a first round match! Falcon 9 best be prepared for a bash fest! They better hope their armor holds or else these Chaos will steam ahead with their 2nd victory.
Match 5 is MinarasL's Flash-Gitz orcs against the Superheroes and Dragons led by Head Coach KingoftheCosmos. The whole cosmos? How greedy. At any rate, the Flash-Gitz are healthy and fit, 11 orcs strong. They're a brand new team, like all the rest, but from a relative unknown Coach to Iron Phoenix, so we decided to get the scoop. With an exclusive interview with Channel-H news reporter, Ivanna Blocku, Head Coach Minaras was asked some tough questions! Here's the transcript.
Ivanna Blocku: Hello there! I'm joined with Head Coach, Minaras from the Flash Gitz. Welcome to Channel-H News! Minarasl: Thank you very much, we are very excited to be part of the league and can't wait to squish more of the opposition in the coming games. Ivanna Blocku: We understand you're a relatively 'green' coach... You'll have to pardon the pun. Our sources tell us this was your third ever match against official Blood Bowl teams. Can you tell the viewers, how do you feel coming out of your first Iron Phoenix match with a 1-1 draw result? Minarasl: Well, as a competitor you always want to win, but I think that with my relative inexperience and the stiff opposition of Kaiser, we can be happy with the draw. The boys sure seemed in a good mood after the game, that is for sure. Ivanna Blocku: Of course of course, that was quite the throw by Mr B. there at the end to tie up the match! Gripping stuff! But what about the two members of the Kislev Killers your boys killed? Aren't you worried about reprisals from the Skaven team should you face them again in the future? Minarasl: Actually, Mr.B and the LineOrc he threw to had had an argument in the locker room at half-time, and I think he simply threw the ball to him in hopes of the opponent throwing themselves at him. I can't be sure, but I have my suspicions. We sure don't practice throwing. Minarasl: As for the 2 players that got killed, the boys seemed much happier about that than the touchdown and the result, and they sure don't seemed worried. Ivanna Blocku: Indeed! It did all look a bit 'ad hoc' of them, but that certainly explains a lot. Still, we here at Channel-H news are always happy to see the odd Skaven squished. We typically aren't fans of greenskins though. Still, we notice you're light a big guy...and for that matter lil guys too. Any plans to incorporate a troll or some goblins into the line up in future, or will this be a strictly orc 'racial' team? Minarasl: We do have a couple stunty fellows in the practice squad who might get a chance to prove their worth at some point, if they can keep themselves off the menu for that long. We have no plans on hiring a Troll, but another Black Orc is one of our biggest priorities. Ivanna Blocku: That will give you the 'full house' so to speak. Well, we're running short on time. Last question here, Coach. What are your thoughts on your upcoming match? Superheroes and Dragons are a bunch of Dark Elves that just won their first round 2-0 against an orc team not dissimilar to your own. Any thoughts on what you plan to do differently to beat these pointy ears where your kin failed? Minarasl: Well I hope that I can keep the boys focused on the actual game. Elves is what they love to squish the most. I have a few ideas, but I can't talk to much about that. I can tell you what the boys would say to that question though; PUNCH HARDER! Ivanna Blocku: Punch until they stop moving, and once they stop, punch them again for good measure! Am I right? Ahhh, well it's been a pleasure having you, Coach Minarasl. We look forward to your future gorefests to come.
As for Superheroes and Dragons, they came out of their match the victors. 2-0 in a commanding victory over the Ironstar Rockfists. It's good they got in some practice against orcs because it's like a full on round two against Greenskins again. Still, that's got to be encouraging for the team. They clearly have their game plan down to deal with bashier foes, all they need to do is implement it a second time this week. Super Gnoll completed two passes that game, but MVP went not surprisingly to Dr Strange the Ogre mage for his stunning 6 blocks which resulted in 3 K0s and 1 injury. That's a mean scissor kick that elf's got and a staggering hit to injury ratio! Let's hope for the league's sake he doesn't keep this up or we'll be carting everyone off in bodybags! This ought to be a very interesting matchup indeed as Superheroes and Dragons are light two players, out with a broken jaw and a serious concussion. Let's see how they fare against their second greenskin foes of the cp.
Our next match up is a classic rivalry for the ages. Orcs vs Stunties. Dwarves and Greenskins. It doesn't get any better than this. It Isnt Easy Being Green will face off against The Hobbit Dwarfs, a team gathered by Head Coach Zymotic. Despite playing a stand up match, bashing their last foes into the dirt, the dwarves managed to come away 1-2 with a loss to the Roland Rats. They out blocked the rodents 52 to 34 and inflicted three injures while sustaining none themselves, but that's to be expected with slippery foes such as these. The fact remains Dwalin scored their lone touchdown while the rats snuck in a pair. Speed is the answer. Rats with a breakaway are going to be tough for any dwarf coach to deal with. Still, this next match should be more to their style of play. It Isnt Easy Being Green are coming off a draw against the Imperial Pirates and they're looking mean and green and ready for a new team to bash their fists against. They should be delighted to see who they're up against. They have one of the only skilled players in the Cup thus far, Ed Bighead who has been pitch side since the match practicing his slide tackles. Clearly this is to counter the elf and rat-heavy match ups they'll be seeing in future and not as relevant for their current foes. With all but one of their players skilled in blocking, The Hobbit Dwarfs are going to hold a distinct advantage over Head Coach Hawk's orcs. Let's see if he takes a page out of Head Coach Minaras' playbook and tries a throw...or to get his boyz angry at one another. Good luck to both coaches and bring your raincoats fans, rain or shine it's going to be bloody!
IrishKoffee and his rats, the Arlequins Toxiques are going to be pitted against Head Coach Wenteros and his elves of FTL {Faster Than Light}. We all love a good bash match but every once and a while it's just as pleasant to watch elves and rats try to outdo one another with flips, throws, catches, and dodges. IrishKoffee made a call to concede the first match so as to protect the team's integrity. The downside? No experience or cash from round 1. Couple that with at least one or two of those injuries he sustained being potentially serious and he may be looking at a numbers disadvantage going into this match. To make matters worse FTL {Faster Than Light} absolutely crushed their game 4-0. Head Coach Wenteros has already been training up wardancer, The Gila Monster to tackle the dodgier foes of the league and The Fregatidae has shown exceptionally promising results while kicking. These elves mean business and their KO and injury record, combined with having both wardancers already up and running, shows they're here to hit as well as to pass. This might not be your grandma's elves! Strap yourself in rodents, things are about to get a little bumpy out in light speed.
Last, but certainly not least, is the Ironstar Rockfists orcs of Head Coach Dreadskull VS the Roland Rats being led by none other than Head Coach, MC Hammer. Interestingly enough the Ironstars are the only greenskin team to field a goblin thusfar, Grizzle the plucky team mascot. Their lineman, an orc by the name of Choppa, earned team MVP for his injury inflicted on the Superheroes and Dragons but has yet to train up in any given skill. Perhaps the Head Coach is still deep in thought as how best to prepare for these Roland Rats. They’re one of the more ‘healthy’ Skaven teams after round one, and they too have a unique player that their fellow kin have opted against fielding. An adorable little rodent by the name of, Hitslash. The Rat Ogre may be blinded, for everyone’s safety, but he’s already leaving his mark. LITERALLY. He’s made 11 blocks, three of which resulted in injuries. Head Coach MC Hammer is clearly intending to put him to god use against the Orc’s front line of Black Orcs. Keep an eye on Trilutch the gutter rat. He’s a likely candidate to scoop up the ball and make a pass to train up his arm as a potential thrower. One thing that Head Coach Dreadskull will be sure to notice is the complete lack of vermin with block! The Roland Rats have opted not to start with any Storm Vermin. A decision that hasn’t come back to bite them yet, but will the Ironstar Rockfists' blizters manage to get them an advantage in the match to come? Tune in next week and find out! That’s all for now sportsfans, we here at Channel-H news will see you then.
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Post by hdawg on Jan 26, 2016 16:18:06 GMT
(Corprol John) Hood-Ratz V Falcon 9 (JuJu Zombie)
(Nails) Patchwork Princes V Flash-Gitz (MinaraseL)
(Hdawg) Norbert Fish Fanclub V Its Not Easy Being Green (Hawk)
(Shaunuthun) Robo Ratz V Mont ST. Michel Guardians (Insidious)
(Jester/Kaiser) The Kislev Killers V Ironstar Rockfists (Dreadskull)
(Tector) Imperial Pirates V Roland Rats (MC HAMMER)
(TS) Trucido V FTL (Fatter than light) (Wenteros)
(King of the Cosmos) Superheroes and Dragons V The Hobbit Dwarfs (Zymontic)
I leave the Fluff to someone better gl and hf guys and pls try to get the matches done by 3rd Feb.
Welcome back sportsfans! This is Channel-H News with all of your Copper Cup mayyyyyhem! We’re already going into round 3 and things are starting to heat up. We’ve got a lot of info to cover and there’s an after party staff here need to attend, so let’s get this show on the pitch!
First up, the Hood-Ratz commanded by Corporal John vs the High Elves of Falcon 9 under Head Coach Jujuzombie! The rats were locked in a mirror match last round against the mechanical skaven of team Robo Ratz. While outbashing their foes with a staggering 19 armor breaks to 5, the Hood-Ratz come up short. Let’s break down the action ! The Robo Ratz scored first and fast, but despite stiff resistance the Hood-Ratz managed to tie it up before halftime. Their next drive was aimed at slipping down the sideline and worked well in principle, but the ball carrier stopped on the 1 yard line! The Hood-Ratz gutter runner must have felt they could score at their leisure and stall the game out, but the Robos promptly swarmed the lone ball carrier and would eventually strip the ball and carry the game to victory. Final score 1-2 for the defeated Hood-Ratz. Falcon 9 is coming off a draw against the Chaos horde, team Trucido. They stopped their opponent’s first drive cold, stole the ball, and stalled to score at the end of the half. Trucido then kicked to them and Falcon 9 looked poised to start up a steady drive to ensure them the win. However, after a few assaults on the cage, Alyan Miththalar and his fellow catcher, fresh off the heels of their last touch down, decided to break free from their cage and streak for the end zone to score a second time. The pair were quickly cut off by beastman Lajos and they turned over the ball. Nothing could slow the Chaos advance as members of Falcon 9 were knocked out one after the other. The match ended 1-1. The Hood-Ratz have their thrower, Verminem, trained up after last match and is now incredibly accurate with his ball tossing. Falcon 9 has yet to have a ‘star’ player emerge for additional training and is in fact now short a player from their roster. A blitzer tripped while dodging out during the game and managed to kill themselves. So remember squigs and goblins, the ground is never your friend! To make matters worse, one of the lineman’s necks was snapped. The player isn’t dead, he’s recovering in an intensive care unit, but he’ll be decidedly less agile when he rejoins the team after next game. *Assuming he isn't fired once team funds permit it* Will Jujuzombie and Falcon 9 manage to overcome these new Skaven foes while short 2 players or will Corporal John and the Hood-Ratz put their Rat Ogre to work and secure their first victory? Tune in next time and find out!
Our second match of Copper Cup is Head Coach Nail’s Patchwork Princes against the greenskinned ‘gitz’ of Head Coach Minarasl’s Flash-Gitz. The Princes are back on track with a win over their foes from last week. They fought against the Imperial Pirates. Their lineman, Nice Albert, paid the ultimate price during the opening moments of the match when he ate a haymaker from Imperial Pirate’s blitzer, Jekil Wulf. Rallying from the loss of their teammate, the Patchwork Princes delivered KO after stunning KO and denied any advance from the Pirates. Short on conscious players, the Pirates thrower was forced to retreat into their own half. Patchwork Prince player, The Wrestler, decided it was time to pay the Imperial Pirates back in full, inflicting a revenge kill on their Blizter, Harold Advar. Score still 0-0 as the whistle blew. The 2nd half was all Princes all over again. The Rusty Prince marched the ball up the side line and Handsome Henry continued the assault on the now deceased Advar family by fouling and injuring the younger brother, Eomund Advar. Gawain Hartmut was surfed into the crowd and a defensive line of turquoise cut the Imperial Pirates off from pursuing the ball. Final score 1-0 with Nice Albert awarded MVP posthumously. The Flash-Gitz are also coming off a 1-0 win over the Dark Elf team Superheroes and Dragons which was played out during an absolute downpour of rain. To say that pitch was slippery would be an understatement! Head Coach Kingofthecosmos’ team got off to a great start, slipping past the greenskin defense and setting up a cage deep in their opponents' half. Though the bewildered orcs were pretty scattered and confused, they eventually started heeding the Head Coach’s commands to surge towards the ball carrier. Then, in an act of ‘showboating’ (as the Kingofthecosmos admitted himself), they began passing the ball from player to player before actually attempting to score. On the last pass, the ball slipped from their hands, and the orcs were upon them! Unable to score before the half time, Superheroes and Dragons were suddenly in a world of hurt. They'd sustained a handful of injuries during the first half and many of their KOs didn’t wake up. The Flash-Gitz orcs began marching with the ball, adding to the injury count minute by minute. Soon the Dark Elves only had 5 players on the pitch. Through attrition and the steady drive, the Flash-Gitz marched the ball in and scored. Head Coach Nails hasn’t had to face one of the green skin teams yet, having dealt with a mirror match of Bretts and some similar Imperialist humans, so how is he going to deal with the chunky frontline Black Orcs of team Flash-Gitz? Will this be the wrestle and bash match the crowds have been anticipating or will he attempt to outmaneuver and outwit the ‘slower’ foes. We shall have to wait and see!
Round 3 is coming up fast this week and we’re all excited to see it. The round features the fishy players of Head Coach Hdawg and the team Norbert Fish Fanclub, against the orcs of team It Isnt Easy Being Green from Head Coach Hawk! Both teams are undefeated thus far in Copper Cup but, short of a draw, that’s about to end this week. Head Coach Hdawg managed to run away with a 4-0 win against The Kislev Killers. With multiple touchdowns and inflicted injuries, two members of Norbert Fish Fanclub have received some extra training. Marquis de Montcalm has been hitting the punching bags, literally hammering them over and over to hone his killing potential. Marquis de Vaudreuil has instead been brushing up on his guarding skill, helping no doubt to provide even more presence on the front line against these orcs. It Isnt Easy Being Green also earned a shut out last round. They duked it out with the stunties of team Hobbit Dwarfs in what the presses are calling ‘the most bloodless match between these two races in BB history.’ The saddest thing is it wasn’t from lack of trying.... Combined, the two teams threw 113 blocks, but only resulted in a total of 6 armor breaks. Part of the ‘pushy’ nature of the match was due to the lack of blocking experience from the Black Orcs and line orcs who were reduced to shoving their smaller opponents instead of the alternative of knocking themselves out on the dwarves' hard plate male armor. All the same, what was the Hobbit Dwarfs excuse?! They all know how to block...Superbly crafted orcish armor? *snorts* I think not. Some are hinting they might have been bribed to throw the match by pulling their punches, we hope that's the case or Head Coach Zymotic has even bigger problems in house to deal with. Winky, the orc runner, was training in secret last week with an agility coach and proceeded to strut his stuff during this game, earning him the MVP. He’s now poised for even more training at the end of this match if he scores again. Raleighs’ smashed ankles is a problem though. It’s going to make the line orc as sluggish as his Black Orc cousins. Speaking of Black Orcs, It Isnt Easy Being Green have added their final member, Frogger to the roster. Head Coach Hdawg is going to have to capitalize on the fact they are still less than familiar with the difference between hittin’ and actual blocking. Paired with the fact that they have no apothecary on payroll he may just develop a plan to go Black Orc head hunting. That or get mashed into a pulp...Good luck to both coaches!
Round 4 and cruising along! We have Head Coach Shaunuthun’s Robo Ratz against...what’s this. Ahh, yes. I’m getting a direct feed now with an inside look at events that are still unfolding. They were scheduled to play against the skaven of Head Coach Irishkoffee’s team, Arlequins Toxiques, but it seems most of the team was involved in an altercation with a pack of Necro Werewolves training up to join the new BB format in the months to come. The vast majority of the rats were torn limb from tail and the coach has had no choice but to withdraw his ‘team’ from the cup and use what remains to form a warband in the city of Mordheim. The Robo Ratz will instead face the newcomers, Mont St. Michel Guardians. Our contacts are informing us it's a Brettonian team under none other than Head Coach Insidious! That’s right, you thought he wasn’t in the round, didn’t you sports fans? Well, he’s back! Last Copper Cup he led the members of House Zauvirr, who are now duking it out in Silver Cup. He’s all fired up to play another round and eager to bash some skaven. We went to Head Coach Shaunuthun for an interview about his match against the Hood-Ratz and to ask him his thoughts on his foes dropping out, and all we were able to get was a quote as he shouted at us from the front of his scrap yard. “This is stupid!! I spend all week getting these heaps of junk ready to face more Skaven!" He then proceeded to kick one of the members of the Robo Ratz over while screaming "Now i gotta spend overtime so they can face Bretonians!? This isnt fair!" We quite wisely decided in was time to withdraw and leave him to his tinkering.
Our fifth match up for the Cup is going to be Head Coach Kaiser with his battered, but not broken, rats of The Kislev Killers. His opponent for the round? None other than the Ironstar Rockfists, orcs lead by Head Coach Dreadskull. The Kislev Killers have seen better days, in fact, some of them aren’t seeing any new days at all. The price for their match against the Norbert Fish Fanclub was steep. A death within the first few seconds of the match and an injury later on in the 1st half for Stormvermin, Hard Tail Tom. He’s out with a damaged back which is sure to be a persistent injury for matches to come. Short a player from the outset, the rats had little choice but to resort to targeting the least armored of their fishy foes, blitzing lineman and fouling any they could get their claws into, but sadly the injuries just kept piling up against them instead of the other way around. Hakflem was unable to pull off anything too flashy when fellow team mates knocked the ball free, and the Bretts were quick to return the favor and start fouling the star player to KO him. He didn't wake up until very late in the 2nd half and the Killers were forced to watch their inducement which they'd counted on to equal the odds lounge pitchside. He did make every effort to throw the Gutterrunners the ball, but the team was CURSED. Unable to catch or dodge or throw blocks. Between their first round death against the Flash-Gitz and another against the Norbert Fish Fanclub, combined with their team strategy of starting a player short of a full bench, they’re quickly running out of rats! They have 8 Killers able to play in this coming match and you can bet all you own that Head Coach Kaiser is going to be investing in the services of Star Player Hakflem Skuttlespike in his game to come. Dreadskull is a coach still trying to bash his place into the greenskin teams of legend, and he’s going to be coming into this match just frothing for some action. He was outmaneuvered by the slippery members of the Roland Rats last game, frustrated constantly by slippery gutter runners, and pushed around by their oversized Rat Ogre, Hitslash. On the highlight reel though you’ll see an absolutely stunning pass by thrower, Kal Tor’uk for a completion to Brox the Butcher at the later stages of the first half. I forgot for a moment I was watching greenskins as the Ironstar Rockfists displayed some exceptional ball handling! Pity they weren’t able to translate that into a score, however. The game would end, 1-0 in the Roland Rat’s favor after Triad Venom slipped on the 1 yard line, just short of making it 2-0. The greenies have shown they have the flare it takes to win games, and they definitely have the necessary aggression. We’ll have to wait and see who emerges victorious, the Rockfists or the Killers?
Round six, the aforementioned Roland Rats of Head Coach MC Hammer against the Imperial Pirates headed up by Tector. Head Coach Tector might have had his boys shut out last round, but he’s out to prove his team is still game for a scrap! They’re the only imperials in this cup and the fans back home aren’t going to be happy if they don’t start performing. That said, Eomund Advar is out with a smashed knee, a persistent injury that’s bound to give him trouble throughout his career, but his brother’s death at the hands of the Patchwork Princes has hit him even harder. Critics are pointing fingers at their Ogre, Mar Flayer as a potential cause of the Imperial Pirate’s loss. He boneheaded twice when told to blitz open a hole in the Brettonian line of defense, which both times he blatantly ignored, feigning an injury while he lay on his back. Between the death and the injury, they’re going to struggle to field more than 9 players before any journeyman are offered. Coach MC Hammer and his Roland Rats on the other hand are rolling in it. They’ve got the cold hard coin of a match well won, they’ve got all 11 of their players fit and ready for their next match, and we hear they’ve paid special attention to one of their gutter runners. You guessed it, Triluch! We told you to keep an eye on him last time, didn’t we? Well, we here at Channel-H news are no slouches when it comes to the details. He’s been worked hard by the blocking staff and despite his smaller than normal ratty stature he’s become quite adept at bashing with the big boys! No doubt they’ll be having him carry the ball in future in the hopes his newfound skills give him the edge. After looking at the replays and analyzing countless stacks of ‘stats’ and figures, the question on everyone’s mind for this game here at the studio is: Which big guy is going to come out on top? In one corner we’ve got Hitslash, the Rat Ogre that’s leading the Roland Rats with 7 injures and 2 KOs inflicted against the mountain of an ogre, Mar Flayer. Now, despite his admittedly poor performance last game, ole’Mar has 5 injuries inflicted and 3 KOs under his belt and that was against some stiff opposition. He’s bound to squish a few linerats if his fists connect, but is Hitslash going to give him the chance with that tail of his in the mix? Tune in and watch the two brutes square off this week in the Copper Cup highlights!
Round 7, we’re coming towards the last leg of the race here, features team Trucido under Head Coach, Coach TS versus the speedy elf members of FTL (Faster Than Light) led by Head Coach Wenteros. Now, Trucido was forced to settle for a draw, and knowing Chaos they aren’t happy about that. Chaos Warriors and beastmen are only truly content when their armor and fur are soaked in the blood of their enemies as they howl victory songs to Khorde or Slaanesh or whichever one of their demonic overlords they worship. But we suspect they received stiffer resistance than they expected out of Falcon 9. After all, they’re pointy eared gits...no offense Jujuzombie, you picked them. The High Elves fought like lions! Lions wrapped in very-hard-to-break armor and Trucido got a very real wake up call, despite battling back to tie the game up. Until they get members on their team who can ACTUALLY block, instead of just maim and murder, they’re not going to have an easy time of it. They took that lesson to heart it seems as two of their members have undergone special block training. Chaos Warrior, Zan, and Beastman, Tel, have both come out looking fit and ready to put their new skills to work. Head Coach Wenteros actually just sat back this week and didn’t have to make his boys do anything too speedy. They mostly just sat around and watched the news feed, because our high destiny coverage is awesome!! Their foes, the Arlequin Toxiques were a no-show after their mauling. So that’s right, FTL gets a free win. With the funds awarded to them, and the combined MVPs they earned, you’d think they’d be busy training up The Basilisk or perhaps hiring a Apothecary or a Treeman, but no. They’re either insanely confident or just asleep on deck as they slouch their way through this week. Careful you woodies, if you’re still sluggish after all those trail mix bags of nuts you’re chowing down on, these Chaos members of Trucido will open you up like piñatas! Tune in for all the action this coming week!
Our final match up of the week is none other than the Dark Elves of Superheroes and Dragons under Head Coach Kingofthecosmos vs the stunties of team Hobbit Dwarfs headed up by Head Coach Zymotic. Both these teams have had their noses stung last round, both being afforded losses that they perhaps should not have earned, but hey if you don’t put points on the board you’re not going to win! The Hobbit Dwarfs had some bad breaks, and not in the armor department. They just couldn’t get through and bash those orcs out. Hawk and It Isnt Easy Being Green managed to run around more or less unimpeded for most of the match and by the time the Hobbit Dwarfs inflicted an injury it was too little too late. By comparison Superheroes and Dragons did have some terrible weather to contend with, but it was their choice to start tossing the ball around on the 1 yard, goading the simple minded orcs of team Flash-Gitz. And as JJ will tell you, never goad an orc unless you know for certain you can outrun them. Wedged into that back corner of the pitch, and unable to recover the rain-slick ball, the orcs were quick to ragdoll the members of Superheroes and Dragons and deny them the score. Defeated by their own hubris...or whatever the elf version is, they have only themselves to blame. This round they’ll be fighting against the iron bulwark of dwarven craftsmanship. Their armor is nigh impregnable, but it sure makes them slow. Expect to see some flashy dodges or blitzes through gaps in the dwarf line, but will they show boat again after that costly defeat, or will they take Head Coach Zymotic and the Hobbit Dwarfs seriously? One thing is for sure, the Dwarfs are going to need to clear their names after that last push fest. The fans from their match were on the verge of demanding refunds en masse after being promised plenty of injuries and deaths. They’ve got the home crowd to think of and if they catch any slippery elves; you better believe that bones are going to break. That’s all we’ve got for you this week! Tune in next time for all of your Copper Cup details!
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Post by Squiggy on Jan 26, 2016 16:30:22 GMT
Never get tired of reading these. Mr offenbrandt, your competition is here and fabulous!
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Post by hdawg on Feb 14, 2016 18:52:02 GMT
(Corprol John) Hood-Ratz VS It's Not Easy Being Green (Hawk)
(MinarasL) Flash-Gitz VS Mont St Michel Guardians (Insidious)
(Juju Zombie) Falcon 9 VS Twin Tailed Heralds (Sitaavanu)
(Nails) Patchwork Princes VS Roland Rats (MC Hammer)
(Hdawg) Norbert Fish Fan Club VS FTL [Faster Than Light] (Wenteros)
(Shaunuthun) Robo Ratz VS The Hobbit Dwarfs (Zymontic)
(Kaiser) The Kislev Killers VS Superheroes and Dragons (King Of The Cosmos)
(Tector) Imperial Pirates VS Trucido (TS)
WEEK 5 Greetings sports fans, ghouls, goblins and ghasts! We're here LIVE at Channel-H news to bring you another exciting edition of COPPER CUP. Where you tune in to watch players you've never heard of do moderately impressive things until they are inevitably crushed to death by some other larger player you've never heard of before. Where the pros come to watch rookies and scrubs flounder around like one-legged zombies! We've got our crews standing by in preparation for Match Day 5 and are told the blood bath is about to get under way. Yes, we acknowledge that we missed two weeks, but meh... That's our official stance at the studio and you can quote us on that. But at the very least it's given us plenty to talk about! Let's catch you up on everything coppery and cuppy.
The first bit of BB2 Copper Cup news comes in the form of a disqualification! We have it from a good source that the Greenskins of Ironstar Rockfists have been disqualified from the cup. Rumours abound of mismanagement by Head Coach Dreadskull and authorities are checking into if any embezlements were taking place. IE: we're insuring he wasn't exceeding the legal amount of gold that a Head Coach is allowed to embezzle annually. We also have allegations flying from certain cheerleaders from the team that some of his Black Orcs were sexually harassing the ladies. We went for an interview with one of 'the boyz' and his only response to the accusation was 'dahhhh, dem humie girls love'it! Once you go green you not want go back to other humies!' Suffice to say they have been replaced by a new Head Coach and his fresh team which will be covered in our match day posts below.
So squigs, it's time we got to the meat and potatoes of the feed, where we take you direct to the events as they've been unfolding! We'll start in our upcoming round 1 matchup and do our best to lay out all the juicy details. So sit back, grab a Bloodweiser and a Halfling Danish to munch on and we'll regale you with tales of Copper!
First up we have the Hood-Ratz of Head Coach Corporol John facing off against Head Coach Hawk's mean green fighting machines of team It Isn't Easy Being Green. As far as we can tell, we might have lost Corporal John. In round three the rodents faced off against Falcon 9 and managed to fight their elven foes to a 2-2 draw, but then the Head Coach and his team were mysteriously absent for their Match Day 4 round against Superheroes and Dragons, forcing league officials to give them a 0-2 concession due to their absence. Feeling the need to do some REAL reporting for a change, we made JJ our goblin on the ground go deep undercover to investigate. He posed as a foreign Halfling playboy model who was trying to get a try out as a cheerleader for the Hood-Ratz and approached their stadium. What we found was gruesome. Signs all pointed to the very real possibility that the rats had been feeding on humans. Bloody remains were scattered all over the pitch and change rooms. JJ was unable to locate the team and they, as of yet, are still AWOL. We're unsure whether or not Head Coach Corporol John was among the victims or if the dead bodies were even linked to the team, and in hindsight we now realize that Ivanna Blocku could have posed as a playboy model far easier than our goblin interviewer. However, it was far more amusing to see him trying on fishnets and heels! As for their possible opponents? Well, Hawk and his 'boyz' have been busy. They went from bashing one type of humies to another. First they squared off against the Norbert Fish Fanclub and were able to secure a 1-1 draw against their fishy foes and came up short against the Patchwork Princes in a 0-2 loss to the wannabe kings of the league! The orcs are keen to get their mits on something fresh and squishy to bash, but how to kill that which might not show up? A dilemma to be sure. Stay tuned to see if a suitable squishy replacement is found.
Our second pairing is orcs orcs orcs all over again! Well...with a dash of armored humies! It's the Flash-Gitz headed up by Coach Minarasl and this week they're duking it out with the relative newcomers Mont St Michel Guardians. Head Coach Insidious is already off to a great start with the fresh team. They started with a dominant beat down on the Norbert Fish Fanclub, besting them 3-0 in a match of little to no contest and then also managed a 2-2 draw against one of the Cup favorites the Robo Ratz. They're going into this game with a lot of steam and we do believe they've acquired another blitzer from their initial two when they joined the league. But don't count Minarasl out just yet! Though his green skins aren't the cleverest of critters the coach has been busy going over the match up, studying their match game reels and prepping his boys for what's sure to be a bash and wrestle fest. His round 3 game was against the Patchwork Princes and they managed a 2-0 win, proving they have what it takes to polish off a Brettonian team, and they followed up with a similar 2-0 win over the elves of Falcon 9. They're a force to be reckoned with and this rookie coach is pulling out all the stops to work his way to the top of the leader board. Head Coach Insidious is bound to have his hands full!
Match 3 features Juju Zombie and the persistent high elves of Falcon 9 and they're faced with a new arrival! As a replacement for Dreadskull's orcs we have Head Coach Sitaavanu making his debut in Iron Phoenix Copper Cup with his team the Twin Tailed Heralds! We're excited to see how he performs and hopefully he outlives his predecessor! As for Juju, well he and his elves are coming off a few hard fought games. Round three they were paired against the equally slippery and dodgy foes of team Hood-Ratz earning them a 2-2 draw and they followed that game up with a 0-2 beat down against the tankier and bashier members of team Flash-Gitz. They're recovering from some injuries, but morale is still strong. There are certainly worse things to get paired against than a fresh team 'off the docks' compared to another rumble with orcs as scheduled, but this new Head Coach has got to be a bit of a wild card for the coach. We'll be eager to try and get an interview with both of these head coaches prior to their match to get into their head spaces and see how they're preparing for the upcoming game.
Next up in our fourth slot comes two teams we've been waiting to see duke it out all season! The Patchwork Princes, the paupers of the streets, led by none other than Head Coach Nails in a deathfued match against Head Coach MC Hammers rodents, the Roland Rats. These two teams are all too familiar with one another, having slugged it out in the back alleys of Mordheim long before they made it onto a Blood Bowl pitch. The question on everyone's minds has got to be, how many deaths, and which team is going to draw first blood? The Princes were involved with the orcs of team Flash-Gitz in round 3 and came up painfully short, getting several unlucky breaks, bad bounces, and unfortunate injuries. They lost that one 0-2, but swiftly made a come back for their next round, winning 2-0 over a different orc team, It Isn't Easy Being Green. They're going to have to switch gears from the bash heavy match up to dealing with slippery foes. The Roland Rats...well, what more do we need to say? The name speaks for itself. What? Oh...you actually want us to cover them? Damn, thought that'd work to just gloss over them. They're winning, alright? Well... they're also losing, but they're winning and losing big. They were beaten by the Imperial Pirates 0-3 but then went on to polish off their rodent kin, The Kislev Killers, 3-1 during round four. They're on a lukish-warm streak and it looks like nothing can stop them, unless it's pirates? Will the turquoise wall of patches and tattered rags be able to repeat what their empirical cousins pulled off in round three? Tune in and find out!
We see a pairing of Tanky vs Speedy in match day 5. The Brettonians of the Norbert Fish Fanclub under Head Coach Hdawg must contend with the insufferably fast wood elf members of team FTL [Faster Than Light] under Head Coach Wenteros. The fishy fans have tried to become Blood Bowlers, following in the steps of their idol, Norbert, but they've had some road blocks along the way. In round three they only managed a 1-1 draw, bungling up a drive against their green skinned foes of It Isn't Easy Being Green when a 2-0 win looked certain and they followed that up with a dismal showing against Mont St Michel Guardians with a devastating 0-3 loss. They were moping the pitch clean of their blood by the end of that one. FTL by comparison have had no time to sit back on their laurels of their missed 2nd round match. They faced Trucido, beating them in style 2-1 and followed that up with another victory over the Imperial Pirates 3-1! These elves aren't failing to live up to their namesake. Will the Bretts have a hope of stopping these pointy-ears? There's going to be hell to pay from ole Norb' if they don't!
Round 6 is a match between the Robo Ratz, the mechanical creations of Head Coach Shaunuthun against the bulwark of dwarven, or perhaps Halfling, defense; The Hobbit Dwarfs. The bionic robos have been zipping around the field, collecting the ball and consistently putting it in the end zone. There isn't much wrong with their programming! They drew 2-2 against the Mont St Michel Guardians and got a freebie when it came to their round 4 matchup. The orcs of Dreadskull were no where to be found and with the Ironstar Rockfists unable to be located, the win was awarded to the rats. The Hobbit Dwarfs have been busy as well, beating both of their foes. Round three they secured a solid 2-0 victory against the dark elves of Superheroes and Dragons and then they managed to edge out the chaotic members of Trucido 2-1. These are two teams that have proven they don't like to lose, but something is bound to give when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object! We here at the studio are looking forward to it!
Next up on the docket in slot 7 is a battle of the downtrodden! Head Coach Kaiser's The Kislev Killers will wage war against the dark elves of Superheroes and Dragons led by Head Coach KingoftheCosmos. The rodents have not been having a great season, but they're struggling away to earn some experience amongst their surviving members. Round three they barely lost in a 1-2 contested match with the Ironstar Rockfists before the orcs decided to vanish off the face of the blood bowl scene, and then they struggled away in what would be a 1-3 loss to their zippy kin in the Roland Rats. They're looking for a win here and Superheroes and Dragons are in their sights. The dark elves are also trying to put a fresh win on their standings report. They were unable to make their match in round three against The Hobbit Dwarfs due to obligations at a dark elf rite, and as a result were forced to concede 0-2. Round four they were scheduled to face Corporal John and the Hood-Ratz but this time their opponents were the ones who were busy performing a ritual in service of the Great Horned Rat. Things are getting a bit out of hand with all these religious ceremonies...At least they got a 2-0 win back off of that, but after two weeks of inaction, these elves have pitch fever! This is going to be a very agile battle, let's see who comes out on top!
Last but not least, we have the Imperial Pirates under the leadership of Head Coach Tector vs Head Coach TS's chaotically inclined members of team Trucido! The pirates have been trying to plunder and pillage their way to the top of the leader board, but at times they've been the ones forced to walk the plank. Round three they did manage a commanding 3-0 win over the Roland Rats. We have a direct quote from that game from the coach. -"We kinda killed and crippled at least half of their team. And won after that too..." Sage words from the Pirate's coach. Next up he fought against the elves of FTL [Faster Than Light] and lost 1-3. Another quote we got post game from him concerning his loss was -"Yeah...Those elves are very slippery. They'll need to find a couple of new linemen though." They've got to have that loss still on their minds as they get geared up for a match against Khorne worshipers. Trucido was facing FTL themselves in week three and they weren't quite able to secure the win in a close fought 1-2 loss and then they had an identical score of 1-2 against The Hobbit Dwarfs. Nothing gets Chaos Warriors and Beastmen angrier than losing and they're bound to be out to head hunt the members of the Imperial Pirates. They aren't as nimble to escape like the elves were and they can't take a beating like the dwarves could. Head Coach Tector is going to have to get creative!
And that's all for now folks! We hope you enjoyed and we'll catch you next time with our next installment of Channel-H News!
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Post by tector on Feb 14, 2016 19:52:48 GMT
The Roland Rats...well, what more do we need to say? The name speaks for itself. What? Oh...you actually want us to cover them? Damn, thought that'd work to just gloss over them. They're winning, alright? They're winning a lot and they're winning big. They triumphed over the Imperial Pirates 3-0 and in similar fashion they polished off their rodent kin, The Kislev Killers, 3-1 during round four. They're on a hot streak and it looks like nothing can stop them! Will the turquoise wall of patches and tattered rags be able to stop them? Tune in and find out! I demand a recount! We kinda killed and crippled at least half of their team. And won after that too,
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Post by hdawg on Feb 14, 2016 20:19:22 GMT
Hey! EDIT: Sorry about that, misread my score from a field agent. We're kinda sloppy reporters here at channel H news But I'm cheating and trying to do it from work without my laptop in front of me <3 I'll make sure it's right for when we post it up. Still a work in progress
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Post by hdawg on Feb 24, 2016 2:29:30 GMT
WEEK 6 Pairings
Welcome sports fans! You’re back, and that means you’re STILL alive and kicking. And we here at Channel-H news...well, we respect that. You ask for updates on the Copper Cup and gosh’darnit, you’re going to get it. Let’s get to the action and see what’s happening,
Match 1 of the week is who? Flash-Gitz and the Hood-Ratz? What’s with all these new up and coming coaches going with hyphens and z’s? Psha! Back in my day you had to bareknuckle box a troll to be ‘leet’ enough to get a Z in your name. Well, let’s hope they both live up to the hype! Head Coach Minarasl is the top dog, or rather orc, of the league. He’s tied a game and that’s about the closest his greenskins have gotten to smelling the foul stench of defeat! He and his ‘boyz’ were scheduled to play against the Mont St. Michel Guardians, but they were recalled home to deal with issues abroad. Something about screening the blue for death? Maybe skeletons on the open waters? Who knows, the important thing is there isn’t much to say about that match. On account of it didn't happen! Other than the news that King of Eels is going to hit the pitch before their game to learn some new skills. Let’s see if he trains with the blitzers and blackorcs to block or if he’s given some throwing or ball handling advice. The Hood-Ratz under Head Coach Corporal John are coming off a 3-1 victory over It Isnt Easy Being Green. They made those orcs look like they were stuck in molasses and who wants to bet they aim to do the same thing to the Gitz? They’ve got a lot of rats really hitting their stride, what with Young Cheezy developing horns and the ever terrifying Rat Ross now trained in blocking. It’s going to be a mean place to be down on the line of scrimmage. Let’s hope the orcs are ready or they'll wind up getting their first loss, Hood style!
We’ve got ourselves a right bash fest upcoming for match 2 of the week. I’m telling you, Falcon 9 and these high elves from Jujuzombie's corner must think they’re all minotaurs or stunties, because they love to bash with the best of them and they’re not backing down from this pairing. It Isn’t Easy Being Green is coming off that loss we told you about, but they’re looking to get a win before people start calling it a ‘losing streak.’ I think you need three of something before you can call it a streak though, right? Trollfarts! Put that down...no throwing cameramen around! Sorry, our new intern is getting a bit rowdy. He’s a huge fan of It Isn’t Easy Being Green, because he’s a troll. Get it? He’s huge? Never mind...at any rate, he doesn’t like hearing about them lose. So let’s hope Winky can slip through the pointy ears’ line of defense with a big cage to back him up. Head Coach Hawk has yet to hire a troll, though if we can recommend King Trollfarts here, he’d make an excellent addition! As for Falcon 9, well they ran amok of an unfortunate loss themselves. They were paired against the relatively unknown empire team, Twin Tailed Heralds. The two teams were scheduled for a rainy start, but it cleared up early. The first half had some back to back, end-to-end scoring action and then in the 2nd half the ‘honeymoon’ period was over. Gone were the halves of friendly shoving, smiles and compliments. Things got ugly fast. KO’s and injuries aplenty piled up on both sides, with Falcon 9 getting the worse end of it. Eventually the High Elves connected on a throw, but couldn’t blitz their way out. Ended up being 2-1 in the humies’ favor. We’ll keep you posted on details as the match approaches, but expect these orcs and pointy-eared gits to give it all they got out on the pitch!
Match 3 is, as we here at the studio like to call it, a BrrRRRrrrrrrett-fest! We’ve got Head Coach Insidious and the Mont St Michel Guardians back from their trip to blue land squaring off against Head Coach Nails and the Patchwork Princes, those paupers of the back alleys! In a match like this we’re bound to zero in on some things in the mirror match. Like, who’s got better / snobbier nobility on their team? The Guardians only have three blitzers on roster, but they’re good at what they do! The Princes really only have the Rusty Prince who has any experience, but some say he has nerves of steel, able to face down a full blitz and still let loose a game-winning throw. He’s got 180 rushing yards compared to Dagobert the Red’s 204 yards. It’s going to be a tight one! Head Coach Nails had his team playing the Roland Rats last week and managed to squeak a 1-0 win out of their ratty foes. They did so mainly by denying their opponents the ball. With the rats only handling the ball for 6% of the match. Their armor was tested heavily and the Skaven were hard pressed to hold them to only a single score, what with all the boots and elbows fouling them once they were face-down on the ptich. Will the Princes try to do the same against the Guardians or will they utilize some new strategy to try and find themselves an edge? We’re eager to see!
Match day four features Head Coach Sitaavanu with his brand new team, the Twin Tailed Heralds playing Head Coach Hdawgs’ Norbert Fish Fanclub! The empire’s newest humie team came out swinging, sporting vibrant orange jerseys. They beat the flashy high elves of Falcon 9 with a solid drive up the left side of the pitch, and then managed to bash their way to their final 2-1 score. MVP for the Heralds went to a lineman, gods know why, because their ogre Razutt Destructive did enough to earn himself three! He made 8 successful blocks and inflicted an injury in his very first game. Sitaavanu’s team has got themselves a bright future in store if they can keep that big lug alive! However, they’ve yet to get much training done, since they were latecomers to the league. To make matters worse their catcher, Gerber Rainer, is in hospital with busted armor. That may be an odd thing to need treatment for, but the medics are trying to remove a piece of his shoulder pads from his collar bone. Ahhh, now you understand. Short story is they’ll be short a man going into this match up and the Fishy folks don’t look like they’re going to give them any breaks. (unless it’s a bone or three). They came to win last round, looking especially hungry to prove themselves against crowd favorites, the wood elves of FTL (Faster Than Light). They’d paid off the refs it seems, so well that no bribe was ever ACTUALLY exchanged during the course of the game, but it seemed they had carte blanche to foul and pulverize their foes wholesale. FTL was able to secure a one turn score that had their fans screaming deliriously from the stands, but it became obvious early in the second half that they were sorely lacking on uninjured players. Eventually the Head Coach threw in the towel, calling the game early due to the mounting injuries and persistent fouls. Short of it? These Bretts are some dirty motherf$*(#s and they’re here to lay the hurt on! Protect your heads and genitals, Heralds, or the fish are going to getcha! That’s not something I thought I’d ever say in my reporting career...damn killer fish.
Match 5? Rats rats and more rats! It’s the rat-pocalypse in the empire right now, sure. They’re crawling all over Mordheim, I get that. But why so many rodents on our pristene pitch?! What do you mean there’s blood stains all over the pitch? That’s the way the Chaos and Orc teams like it. Have you ever tried telling a Black Orc or Chaos Warrior no? At any rate, the Robo Ratz of Head Coach Shaunuthun had an excellent round against The Hobbit Dwarves, but were held to a 2-2 draw. Perhaps their upgrades and programming for dealing with opponents with such low centers of gravity weren’t finalized, but it ended up being a slog of a game. With 15 armor breaks to 4, the rats did well to have any functioning circuitry left for the post game interviews as they consistently botched up anything they attempted. The Head Coach was unavailable for comments, but JJ our goblin on the ground has about 4 hours of boring footage of him digging through spare parts in a garbage dump to commence repairs, while cursing like a drunken sailor. The rats managed an early injury against Troll Slayer Kili with a gang foul, but that’s about where the ‘good luck’ ended. Their Rat Ogre prototype was laid low with a daring solo block from Bifur and then on back to back turns their players failing RR’s. This severely limited the robotic fiends’ ability to defend. The second half was y’know meh. Pretty boring, or whatever. All that happened was a riot that lost both teams a turn, more rat quishing including a dead Stormvermin who was saved by the apoths, and a one turn score attempt in the final seconds of the match. Which Head Coach Shaunuthun actually pulled off! It took the rats, multiple blocks to free up room, a harrowing dodge out from a linerat into a single dice blitz that resulted in a chain of pushes, a pass/catch and a pair of gfis to score. What a game you two crazy Coaches! But ahem...enough about them. Who was the other team? Oh right, rats! Well, the Roland Rats lost. We covered that didn't we? Sigh...what’s this equal coverage bullshit that we need to adhere to? Apparently i have a notice right here that says we need to talk about MC Hammer or we wont keep getting those cupcakes in the staff room on Saturdays. Well, let’s see... *stares long and hard at the screen* At least ahhhh...least ALL his rats aren’t dead? Look, the first half against the Patchwork Princes was a whole lot of ‘it’s my ball’ - ‘NO, it’s my ball’ which resulted in a pair of big ole donuts on the scoreboard. The second half a whole heck of a lot of rats played the ‘ohhh our heads hurt, we’re still KO’d’ card and that left the Head Coach in a world of trouble. Short manned, the rats couldn’t do much against the Prince’s drive and...holy Minotaur TEETS! These guys fouled as much as the Fish Fanclub did. The cleats were put to work, the fireball the rats had acquired from a local wizard fizzled with minimal damage and the score was 1-0 when the final whistle blew. Yikes. These rats are going to be eager for their match against a slightly less murdery team. Good luck ye ole rodents!
Next up, FTL (Faster Than Light) with Head Coach Wenteros at the helm, vs Head Coach Kaiser and The Kislev Killers. The high elves had a bit of bad luck to say the least, mucking up dodges and blocks, unable to scoop up the ball, but they also forfeited. Costing them an MVP last game. They’re going into this one more than a little rusty after their last loss, but the good news is they might have an easy match on their hands. After all, their TV is a solid 500 higher than their opponents. In fact, it’s a david and goliath style match up with one of the most farmed teams against one of the weakest in the cup. These ‘Killers’ are trying to hold themselves with duct tape at this point. They’ve done well to pull off a 2-2 draw last round against Superheroes and Dragons. The Dark Elves, like many teams in the league thus far, were faced with the Killers’ addition of star player, Glart Smashrip Jr. and his companion, Hakflem Skuttlespike who is a long-time resident on the team. This match up of Wood Elves vs Skaven is going to be very similar in many ways, but with an even bigger gulf in TV. You can expect to see star players, rerolls, apoths, wizards, and babes! Heck, with this TV difference can Morg really be off the table? One thing’s for sure, if they do hire that ogre, heads are going to quite literally roll! I would never count the Kaiser out of any match, and back a rat into a corner and you better believe it'll bite back. Let's hope Wenteros hasn't bitten off more than he can chew!
The 7th pairing for week 6 is Head Coach Zymotic’s The Hobbit Dwarfs against Head Coach Tector’s Imperial Pirates. And what a match this will be! The stunties did get shut down by the rats in that final turn, the robos stealing it out from under their noses, but these humies can’t do what Skaven can. The rolling tide of dwarven (or hobbit) muscles combined with terrifyingly durable armor and skulls is going to be hard to contend with. Combined with furious fisting from the Troll Slayers this- What do you mean that’s an adult X-rated play? Furious Fisting? You guys are disgusting...What do you mean Ivanna Blocku starred in it? Where is that dark elf?! I’ll be having words with her after this cast, in my trailer of course. Anyways, what was I saying? Oh right, they were robbed. Robbed from their 2-1 win over the skaven, so these unfortunate pirates are going to be taking a vicious revenge pummeling. But are they really that unfortunate? We have it here from our sources that the Imperial Pirates are coming off an astounding 3-0 dominant win against the Chaotic members of Trucido. They were out blocked 39 to 63 and had more injuries and KOs than I’ve seen in two games, let alone one, but they managed to totally shut down their opponents. What gives? I call nuffle. Let’s go to the highlight reel! What do you mean we don’t have one? It burned up in a fire? Who let the pyro goblins near the vault? This place is going to ogre shit, i swear. Well it seems the Chaos were unable to get their grubby little Khorne worshipping mits on the ball much. Or was it Slannesh...oh who cares, these Chaos Gods are all the same. Suffice to say, if I was one of the Hobbity Dwarvy types I’d watch my back. Because these pirates can take a pounding and still run touchdowns in short manned. Though, whoever is facing Trucido next round, i’d watch more than just your back. They’re going to be venting some built up aggression, cover your crotch and face!
Which brings us to...HELLO! You guessed it, Team Trucido under Head Coach TS against Superheroes and Dragons led by Head Coach Kingofthecosmos. These dark elves are going to be missing their blitzer, Professor Mindflayer, who is out with a back injury. I’ve seen a lot of these injuries in my time, and let me tell you now, that niggling little back spasm is going to crop up and cause him a more serious injury in games to come. But he’s already got a replacement and it’s a SHE. That’s right, the elves have got themselves their first Witch. Squirrel Girl Kobold! That has to be a typo... No? Alright, we’ll roll with it. So Mrs. Kobold is going to bring some additional oompfh to the team. Sidelines? Not your friend goats! Head Coach TS better be pairing his players up with the buddy system and concentraing on bursting through their lines. He’s got Sami going for him, the leagues only agil 4 Chaos Warrior ball runner extraordinaire! Have you ever been forced to stop a blitzing Chaos Warrior? Sure you have, but not one that can slip through gaps in your defense like an elf and scoop the ball up once he’s stepped over your dead body. It’s enough to give even a ghoul nightmares. Let’s break this one down. It’s looking like Trucido has block, guard, and horns aplenty. They’ve got a 12 man bench with Cadoc taking up a mighty big spot on the line of scrimmage. Superheroes and Dragons don’t even have 11 players so they’re going to be starting with a Journeymen line elf. They’ve got some wrestle to try and bring down a few nasty targets, but they are outmuscled and seriously lacking on any guard. I’m not sure if Squirrel Girl Kobold is going to be enough to tip the tide or if- Okay that CAN’T be her actual name! Well, get JJ to recheck it... I don’t CARE if he already verified it twice, run her paperwork again. Seriously what do I pay you lot for? *Sighs* That’s all for now sportsfans. Let’s see where the chips and severed limbs fall after this round and we’ll see you at the end of week six!
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Post by shaunuthun on Feb 24, 2016 13:08:43 GMT
*BZZT* We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you some compliments *BZZT* Seriously though great stuff as always man
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Post by hdawg on Mar 4, 2016 14:20:39 GMT
WEEK 7 Match ups!
Watch out sports fans, week 7 is here with a vengeance and we’ve got teams out for blood; preferably each others! We’ll be giving you all the low-downs and down-and-dirtys in this week of Iron Phoenix, copperrrrrr cup! Let’s get right to it, shall we?
Match 1 is Head Coach Coporal John and his ghetto Hood-Ratz vs the calm and collected, methodically murdersome Hobbit Dwarfs under Head Coach Zymotic. Sure the rodents were on the unfortunate end of a typical 2-1 grind fest against the orcs of team Flash-Gitz. And sure, The Hobbit Dwarfs were only able to manage a big ole 0-0 donut-fest last match, but THIS time, this round, for sure there’s going to be a winner. The ole stunties are 2-2-2 so far this season so SOMETHING has got to change. They’re going to get a 3 somewhere that’s for sure! They’ve got a jump up blitzer, some guard, stand firm, and mighty blow floating about. There’s also a veritable roller of death out there on the pitch. We’ll be interested to see if he starts saving up cash for bribes in matches to come! Rat Ross the rat ogre is going to have his grubby little claws full trying to take that thing down. Maybe they’ll just play to avoid it all together and score fast to get it off the pitch. Gods know that’s what I’d do! No one wants to be on the end of hits and fouls from that mechanical monstrosity! Least of all his developing gutter runners. Gl coaches, most of all ye skaven. I don’t envy any of you linerats </3
Coming in for our second place we’re excited to bring you FTL (Faster Than Light) from Head Coach Wenteros vs Superheroes and Dragons led by Head Coach Kingofthecosmos. The woodies are coming off just a slew of touchdowns last game. Against the rats of the Kaiser they were forced to a draw, but at least it was a gripping one, ending up at 3-3 when the final whistle blew. They’ll be up against some Dark Elves who have been AWOL for last round. They’re a tough team to track down, but they’re fond of performing well when they make an appearance! With a 2-1-3 record that’s not bad at all considering all three of their losses came from games they were unable to play! Technically does that mean they’re undefeated? Who knows! In the end it’s going to come down to who is the elfiest in this match. The DE’s might be a little more sluggish, but they pack a punch and the members of the Superheroes and Dragons are going to be just frothing for a real block heavy fight to put some of their less armored anti-kin out of commission.
Head Coach MC Hammer and the Roland rats are facing down Trucido and Head Coach TS. The rats fought...well, more rats! The robo variety came out on top in the match up with a final score of 2-4. Not only that, but the coach is forced to deal with a very underdeveloped roster. He’s had a slew of deaths and minor injuries that have left him with 9 players. He has three gutters at his disposal for this upcoming match, one of which will never look like a proper 'runner’ again. So crippled is his body that he looks like he’s hobbling around with a broken neck. The only reason he’s being kept must be that there’s so few players left at all! It’s going to be an uphill battle for them this round! Meanwhile, Trucido got a freebie win this round against the Superheroes and Dragons who were a no show on the pitch. So his Chaos are fit as fleas, violent bone-crushing roided out fleas mind you... Is Trucido just really that terrifying? Do players quake in their boots at the thought of their offensive line? Well, it’s got a Minotaur, some developed block Knights and one very angry Savas, a goat man who excels at caving in skulls. Their dedicated ball carrier is none other than a Chaos Warrior! Once he gets his armor plated hands on the ball it’ll be tough for the rats to bring him down. Here’s hoping they have a scheme in mind for stripping the ball!
Match 4 for our pairings features humies on humies! The mirror match everyone has been waiting for. The members of the brand new team, Twin Tailed Heralds with Head Coach Sitaavanu will play Head Coach Tector’s Imperial Pirates. The Heralds were forced to play against the Norbert Fish Fanclub last round, one of the more developed teams in the cup, and despite being outclassed from a TV perspective they managed to hold their own. Coming dangerously close to pulling off some flashy hand offs and passing plays. They bashed with the best of them too, so if there’s anyone who can give these eye-patchers and peg-leggers it’s the comet men! The Imperial Pirates are coming off their brutal 0-0 match against The Hobbit Dwarfs. A real slugfest of a game which had neither team able to put the ball in the end zone. Still, despite the lack of scoring, it was a beneficial match for Jekil Wulf who seems to have been practicing a new trick he’s added to the repertoire. Jumping up from the turf and throwing a block, all in the same motion! He’s going to be hard to keep down here even if he gets blocked to the turf. There’s still going to be a distinct TV difference so expect some fireworks here with a wizard or at the very least maybe a star player or some babes. We look forward to seeing which pink skin team gets squished least!
Next up? Mont St. Michel Guardians with Head Coach Insidious against the Kaiser’s new pet rat team, The Kislev Killers! The Guardians managed to emerge victorious 2-1 over their fellow bretts in last weeks Brett-off. They piled onto their opponents heavily, not literally of course, but they never let up inflicting 7 KO’s, 3 Injuries, and 2 deaths. The Patchwork Princes must still be seeing stars after this round. They’ll be confident going into this match up against rats after a performance like that, but The Kislev Killers have finally had a high scoring 3-3 draw. It’s allowed them some time to focus on the running and passing aspect of the game and less on the ‘all or our rats are dead...’ aspect. They’ve got a band new linerat trained up in guards, and they now boast the most agile player in all of Copper Cup. That’s right, Johnny Football the Gutter Runner now is even dodgier and bendier than his fellow rats or the best of elves. He’s going to be a menace to keep contained on the pitch and you better believe ole Hakflem is going to be making another ‘star appearance’ this round. Wonder if his buddy the rat with the bid honking claw also shows up his game or if the coach is going to opt for some spells, babes, or more creative combinations of inducements. One thing is for sure, these rats are going to be looking to slip around through the seams of this Brettonian defense. Let’s see if Insidious lets them!
Our sixth match up is none other than the rivalry that has been brewing for the past week. All over the tabloids we’re getting reports of top notch greenskin lawyers from one team who have been trying to discredit these rats on account of being biomechanical creations and not strictly, ‘alive. While on the other side of the fence there have been questions levelled at Trollfarts, claiming he may be doping. You guessed it, it’s the frog colored orcs of Head Coach Hawks It Isnt Easy Being Green against the chrome and glossy robo rats of Head Coach Shaunuthun’s Robo Ratz! The orcs managed a 2-0 win over the high elves of Falcon 9, but the Robos managed a win their match as well, beating their flesh and blood cousins 4-2. It was such a high scoring and physically intensive game that half of the rats have seen some form of ‘upgrade.’ They’ve got...wait, what’s this? We take it back! Johnny Football isn’t the most agile of players in the league, it seems...wait....no, that’s his signature twist. His double reverse backflip. Sweet Nuffle! I’m not sure how, but somehow the Head Coach has managed to take a sampling of Johnny Footballs genes and spliced it into his RUN MODEL-WEEDY. Incredible! I mean, surely it’s illegal if our hunch is right, but incredible all the same. But Rotty and Buckrat can wrestle foes to the ground now and it’s looking like a full bench for these metallic Skaven. On the other side, we have Wart the Black Orc who managed to finally skill up at blocking, but he’s unfortunately out for this game with a broken Jaw. Not to fear, there were other new freshly trained greenskins as well. Naveen, another Black Orc also trained up in blocking, while Mr Toad, a lineorc compatriot, opted for wrestle instead for dragging foes to the turf. No doubt to get fouled or simple trampled in a cluster. It’s going to be trick for him to advance on the enemy team when they’re both slippery and bashy, but we’re short one intern around the new station. We don’t wish the robos any bad luck, but we’re going to have front row seats to see our big green buddy bashing some servos apart!
Match day 7 is next up and it’s a match for the ages. That’s right, top seeded team, Head Coach Minarasl’s Flash-Gitz will be going up against the 3rd seed team, the Norbert Fish Fanclub under Head Coach Hdawg. It’s bound to be a slugfest or at least one big wrestly ball of armor and fists, but who is going to find an edge to exploit in this match? The two teams have been studying each other for a while now, secretly trying to analyze playback recording. Both are aware that they won their last matches, but where to strike? What small aspect of their team should they try and reinforce to give them a secret weapon in the fight to come? Well, enough of the semantics, let’s get to the meat and potatoes of it. Flash-Gitz are terrifying! They’ve got two Black Orcs trained in blocking instead of just face smashing, and another with Guard under his belt. Add two more guards to the blitzers ranks and The Swedish Orc, who seemingly didn’t get the memo, and instead learned Mighty Blow. The King of Eels has a very accurate throwing arm, and he’s got a few lineorcs with extra block training to help cage him. It’s a full 11 orc bench with one extra player in reserve just in case things get hairy. But the fishy folks aren’t slouches either. They too have a 12 man roster at full fighting strength with two Mighty Blow blitzers and another with some sure hands for handling the ball. They’ve got a pair of guards to try and counter the three from the Gitz and what’s this? Pierre de Hurr Hurr, despite his niggled injuries from the past, seems to be somewhat of a dirty player! We wonder how long he remains on the field before the ref has had enough with him stomping on faces. The question is, will he do some damage before being ejected from the game or will the Gitz make a point of hunting him down before he gets a chance to? Tune in to the match and find out!
Last but certainly not least we have the High Elves of Head Coach Jujuzombies Falcon 9 against the Patchwork Princes of Head Coach Nails! Now normally, I’d have given the edge to the paupers of the alleys, but that’s just because we here at the studio are being paid heavily by the Brettonians to say so. However, it seems like the Princes are reeling a bit from their last match. Despite losing several of their less vital players to...well, death, they have several players ready to skill up in some last minute practices. The Tattered Prince for one and his Yoeman, The Brawler, are both awaiting some last minute instructions from Head Coach Nails. They only have 11 players now that they’re short a few, but that shouldn’t be too hard to deal with. On the other hand Falcon 9 has troubles of their own. While it’s not as dire as good ole death, they do have Alyan Gwavathar, a catcher, out with a fractured leg as well as a line elf Veryara- oh who cares, some hard to pronounce high elf with wrestle alright? F#&* these stupid names *throws papers off the desk onto the news room floor* He’s out with a gouged eye, which isn’t nearly enough if you ask me! I mean, what mother in their right mind calls their child Veryarathion? Who? Someone who is trying to force others to say tongue twisters the rest of their lives, that’s who. Well, I for one am not buying into it. What was my point again? Oh right, they’ll only have a 9 man squad so that’s right, journeymen. They’ll have a pair of them. So how are they going to overcome that and have a chance? Well a lot comes down to their star thrower to carry the game to victory. And what better elf than Euro- Erugould- Erugoldur Landgere- Oh forget it. I’m through. This broadcast is over! I hope those Brettonians bash them so hard that they need new names because they’re all suffering from amnesia! Tune in next week for all your Copper Cup gossip and details.
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Post by hdawg on Mar 22, 2016 8:55:24 GMT
Greetings Squigs, Elves, and Ogres! Salutations to our most honored of viewers be ye Halfling, Stuntie, or Humie! To our Undeads, Orcs, and scaly Lizards... well, you’re welcome too, I guess. This is Channel-H News and we’re proud to bring you the very first Iron Phoenix Silver Cup playoffs. Want to know if your favorite team has made the cut? Interested in mindboggling Blood Bowl stats and records that would put even the most hyper of forest sprites to sleep? Or are you eager to see the next unfortunate lineman, skink, or peasant have his skull caved in? Well, then you’ve come to the right place. If you want all the best details then just sit back and relax. We’ve done all the work so you can spend more quality time reaping the rewards. So without further adieu, let’s get to it!
We’ll start with our leaderboard and cover what we at the studio have dubbed, the bottom hexad. No there’s no witches hexing players, there’s six names which won’t be appearing in this years playoff magazine. But that won’t stop us from taking a look at their trips through silver seasonal play. So come along with us for a trip down memory lane!
First up, the Gorland Monarchs. Ranking in at 10th place we’ve got some true Brettonian royalty here. You might recall these plucky scrappers from the Copper Cup. They bravely took to the field in silver, despite a gulf in Team Value. They were outclassed by almost a 300 point difference in some cases, but that never made these brave souls turn away from a fight! Sure, they didn’t do so hot overall, but if it’s raw spirit and emotion that counts, they have it in spades. They began the season with a tight 2-1 loss against the Strikers followed by an injury-heavy 3-1 loss to the Banana Warriors. Their luck turned against the House of Eagles, inflicting more KO’s and injuries than their foes, but the avian team prevailed 2-1. In total they’d be on the receiving end of another 5 losses, and a 1-1 draw against House Zauvirr. True, a win proved elusive to the team this season, but four time MVPer Guy d’Artios literally had to carry his team mates on his back. Several times the Monarchs enlisted the aid of star player, The Mighty Zug, as several peasants, a blitzer, and a blocker were slain or critically injured. They ended the season with a 12-man roster, but with two positionals still unaccounted for. Experts point to a lack of funds holding back this team, because with limited cashflow from losses they were forced to start filling blocker and blitzer positions with untrained peasants. These men are downtrodden, but they stuck it out nine grueling rounds and we doubt we’ve seen the last of these brave souls! To the Monarchs of Gorland, we here at Channel-H salute you!
Next up, House Zauvirr. These Dark Elves slotted in at position 9 on the leaderboard, tied with the Seahawks with a seasonal record of 2-2-5. While their season didn’t turn out the way they wanted it to, they were up against some stiff competition. Their season started off strong with a 2-1 win over the Nailers. They were robbed of their win against the Strikers in the closing seconds of the match as Sir Baller tied it up for a 2-2 finish, but then House Zauvirr was back at it again, triumphing over the Fish Knights 2-1. From here on out the season took a downward turn for our elves in gold and black. They suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of the Supersonic Ducks. The score might have only been 2-1, but the apothecary’s notecard tells a different tale. With 3 KOs, 4 Injuries, and 2 Deaths it’s safe to say that the dark elves never fully recovered from the match. With their ranks devastated and morale low, they struggled on with an equally brutal 2-0 loss to the Carnivore Claws where they never laid hands on the ball all game. The Kaiser Seahawks were just as bad as the Ducks, these avian humies inflicting another 3 KOs, 2 Injuries, and another Death. They managed a draw against the Gorland Monarchs, but this late into the season the House’s fate was sealed. They wouldn’t be making playoffs, but they accounted for themselves well. With 9 members and a TV in the mid 1300‘s this team isn’t destined to be making an appearance in Gold League any time soon, but they could quite well give Silver another try in the season to come.
The Kaiser’s Seahawks finished in 8th place in the leaderboards and like many other teams in Silver, they took more than their fair share of poundings since moving up a division into Silver. They started off with a draw against the Fish Knights, but suffered back to back games against Lizard teams which left them with an unimpressive 0-1-2 record. They managed to earn some much needed gold, respect, and training from their 2-0 win over the Gorland Monarchs, but then disaster struck! In their match against the Strikers they were down a touchdown with 2 injuries, one already apothed, with several more KOs when Russel Wilson slipped and snapped his neck. He was pronounced dead on impact, but in a unprecedented act of oddness the thrower for the Strikers, Sir Lobbings, called off the game and insisted that Russel be rushed to the nearest hospital. It turns out he was still barely breathing, and he remained there overnight in critical condition before being revived. It was nothing short of a miracle, but the Seahawks were forced to concede the loss, 2-0. They came on strong after that with a win over House Zauvirr, and a tight 2-2 draw against the Copper Cup champions, the House of Eagles. In the end they would suffer a pair of painful defeats, but this team has all the makings of a first rate Silver Cup finalist. With Russel Wilson’s exceptional throwing arm, Richard Sherman and his steady hands, the brutish strength of Lynch, and the presence of Brandon Mebane they’re always going to be a team to be feared. We’ll be curious to see if they jump up to gold after 3 Iron Phoenix open matches of if they try and shed some weight and hang around in the Silver League.
Our next team that will unfortunately be forced to sit out the playoffs is none other than the Fish Knights under the legendary mentorship of such hall of fames as Nathan Bass and Norbert Fish! They end the season with a 2-3-4 record and what a season they had! Let’s take a look back, shall we? They faced familiar foes in round one, tying the Seahawks 1-1 and then were pitted against their fellow Brettonians, the House of Eagles. Though they were destined to lose that match 3-1 they did inflict some damage that game. Their next three games were decidedly rough on the Fish Knights, causing much unrest back home as fans watched their fabled heroes run up a three-loss streak. Unphased, Norbert Fish and Nathan Bass rallied their newer recruits and managed to break the spell with a tightly fought 1-0 win over the Gorland Monarchs. They followed that up with a 2-2 tie against the Strikers and another tie, this time 1-1, against the Carnivore Claws. Many sports analysts would have guessed that this late in the season they’d be unable to pull off such strong appearances after suffering heavily in the opening matches. Their results were not without a cost, however. David Seahorse, long-time star blocker was slain in their match against the Lizards and it caused the entire team to forgo their final match. The Banana Warriors were awarded the win and the team took a much needed break to hold a funeral for their deceased comrade. They’ll no doubt start hunting for a fresh blocker with prospects in the off season. They don’t have the funds at present to hire a replacement, but they’re still in very good shape with an entire bench of trained peasants. They’ll be a favorite in Gold Cup next season, we’re sure!
A new team to the league, the Stunties of The Naillers were quick to become fan favorites in this years Silver Cup and round-robin play. They ere our 6th place finishers with a 4-1-4 record. Some might recognize the name, hailing from the very same Head Coach who led the members of the Dominant Dragons to a 2nd place finish in last years Copper Cup. Many are still outraged at their final loss as they came dangerously close to a win that was only decided in a sudden death overtime. This season the coach decided to change gears to a slower and more reliable team. Though a bit less experienced compared to his Dragons, they were an excellent new addition to the league. The Naillers were out maneuvered in round one by the slippery Dark Elves of House Zauvirr and then despite being the dominant bashers they were forced into a 0-0 draw against the Supersonic Ducks. Their fortune didn’t improve much as they suffered a 1-0 loss to the Carnivore Claws and a 2-1 loss to the Fish Knights. Then at last, their luck turned. The Gorland Monarchs provided a first win and a stepping stone for more to come. Their next foes, the House of Eagles, cemented that thought with another dominant victory. But they weren’t done yet, not by a long shot. They went on to beat the Banana Warriors and send the Seahawks packing. Poised with a 4-1-3 record, they had a chance at the playoffs. It was a long shot, but if they won their match and the Banana warriors tied or lost their game, they’d be in the playoffs. Sadly, the Strikers managed a tight last second score. Even had they won, the Banana Warriors prevailed due to a concede and so ultimately the Stunties will be denied their chance to shine, for this season at least. But look for these players to make a flashy appearance on the scene in years to come. They boast the fastest Dwarf runner in all of Iron Phoenix, and Maaln can juke, dodge, and throw with the best of the elves. Their longbeards are all being trained in standing their ground against larger foes and they’ll be keen to prove they have what it takes to be champions.
Last, but not least, squeaking in at 5th place and narrowly missing a place in the playoffs are the underdogs- well, more like underducks, the Supersonic Ducks! Head Coach Wenteros may not have fielded a team for the Copper Cup, but his team was a veteran from the Copper Plate, a tournament that ran concurrently to the main cup. It turns out, yes- yes our sources are verifying now that the Ducks actually won that tournament. Now, there was no playoffs or finals, since the league was such a small one, but these players are without a doubt champions, and it shows. This human team took Silver Cup by storm. They ended with a 4-2-3 record, with most of their losses coming early on in the season. They were pitted against the House of Eagles early on and found it challenging to hold the agile blitzers at bay, losing 3-0. Next they were able to stave off defeat in a 0-0 bash fest where the Naillers had the humans backed into a corner. Next, the Strikers came along and they were forced to concede to prevent more injuries. A humiliating defeat, without a doubt, but it only enraged the Ducks. They battled back in the season, beating House Zauvirr and the Fish Knights in back to back games. They drew 1-1 against the Banana Warriors, a better result than the first time these two teams locked horns in the Copper Plate. These teams were both gunning for one another, inflicting together a combined total of 7 KOs 5 Injuries and 2 Deaths. There’s no love lost between these two! Though they lost to the Carnivore claws they ended their season in style with 3-0 wins against both the Gorland Monarchs and the Kaiser’s Seahawks. Mighty Zug and Griff Oberwald have each made an appearance on the Ducks’ roster during he course of Silver Cup and this team is destined for greatness. The main question is with so many members needing to be replaced during the mid-season, and with much of the team’s experience landing squarely on the shoulders of their blitzers, Balduck and Golduck, will they be keen to try and pad their team as much as possible with their remaining 170k in expendable cash? Or is it more likely that they might train up their fresh hires, Duck Duck’em Jr., New Duck, and Duck Ogre Jr. in order to give Silver Cup next season another try? We’ll have to wait and see!
So, what’s next you ask? You guessed it. ‘The Big Four.’ Securing slot #4 and the first of the playoff slots is the scaly Saurus and slippery Skinks of team Banana Warriors! Head Coach Parrigan might not be a strictly ‘new-to-sliver’ coach since like the Supersonic Ducks his team of cold blooded lizard were tearing it up in Copper Plate, but he certainly cut it very close to sneak in. He’s going to be faced with a tough challenge in the 4th seed spot as it’ll fall to him to face the league champions, the Carnivore Claws, his fellow Lizardman team in the semi-finals of division A. They ended their season of play with a 5-1-3 record after having to deal with a first round mirror match against the much more developed Lizards. This coach and his players are no strangers to adversity and despite the difference in TV they challenged with a tight 2-1 loss despite the stronger lizards gaining a numbers advantage early. The winged banana fiends struck back fast and hard, racking up victories against three humie teams, besting the Gorland Monarchs, the Kaiser’s Seahawks, and the Strikers with dominant 3-1, 2-1, and 2-0 scores. Then came the blue and green roadblock. In the highest scoring game of ALL of Silver Cup the House of Eagles laid down the BashHammer. They were rocked with a 5-0 loss. The Lizards actually outblocked their foes, but the worst they managed to inflict were mostly KOs which later revived and sent the lizards packing. They never laid a claw on the ball and were simply obliterated. Still reeling from their loss, they managed a 1-1 draw against the Supersonic Ducks before losing their third match against the Naillers. Their final matches were both victories, earning some much needed cash and free MVPs from a concede in round 9 against the Fish Knights. They’re going to have 120k in inducements for match one and they’re sitting on another 200k in their own cash going into the semis. Remember, it’s a best of 3 so they might need to save some of that for replacing injuries or deaths, but expect to see some wizards or star players popping up here to help the Warriors even the odds. Good luck to you, we here at Channel-H news have our on-the-field skink camera crews rooting for you!
Third place we’ve got the Brettonians that stand apart and above all others. The former Copper Cup Champions, boasting a full roster and star lineup, it’s Head Coach Cerumol’s House of Eagles! They were an impressive team in seasonal play, boasting a 5-2-2 record and the highest score count in the league. In total they racked up an astounding 21 touchdowns beating the Carnivore Claws who had 15, the Strikers with 14, and the Banana Warriors with 13. This is in no small part to their agile blitzers, Chiltern Deepblood and Henry Freshfeet who have scored a combined 20 touchdowns since the team’s creation. Almost half of their total of 43. The House of Eagles came out of the box strong with three wins against the Supersonic Ducks, The Fish Knights, and the Gorland Monarchs. They locked horns with the Lizards of the Carnivore Claws and managed a 1-1 draw. It was hailed as the best game of all of Silver Cup with an outnumbered and outgunned collection of the House of Eagles managing against the odds to hang on and beat back their opponent’s brutal offensive push. To prove it was no fluke, they dominated the Banana Warriors 5-0. But, in a surprising upset, the Naillers managed a 2-1 victory, giving the Brets their first lost in seven matches. Recovering from injuries they managed a 2-2 draw against the Kaiser’s Seahawks who kept 7 of their players off the pitch with KOs and an injury to boot. They certainly struggled in the late half of their season with a second loss to the Strikers who inflicted an unprecedented 6 KOs and 6 Injuries. These killer humies might have brought the hurt, but the Eagles rallied to squeeze out a final 3-1 win against the Dark Elves of House Zauvirr. Having just played the Strikers, they know what they’re up against. The humans have invested heavily in mighty blow and their peasants are going to be instrumental in creating living buffers for their star players. In a best of three there’s no guessing who might emerge victorious, but as those who watched the House of Eagles ‘steal’ the win out from under the snouts of The Dominant Dragons with a final overtime touchdown you know it’s never over until the fattest Krox roars!
Weighing in 2nd place is the battle tested humies of, well- somewhere in Reikland. Sure, they’re imperials, but no one seems to know where Hdawg’s Strikers call home. Some are convinced the team is a hodpodge of humies scattered across the empire lumped together to make a last second entry to Copper Cup. Their first season of play was less than stellar, but the team seemed to be well established at the very least with well trained throwers and catchers and a cadre of blitzers to help carry he other rookies on the roster. The Strikers ended the season with the same 5-2-2 record as the House of Eagles, but have a significantly lower TV. Their first opponents were the Gorland Monarchs and after a tight 2-1 victory the Strikers emerged victorious. Things were looking down for them in match two against House Zauvirr, but in a final turn that looked like it was guided by Nuffle Himself, star catcher, Sir Baller, managed a 1 turn score in the final seconds of the match to secure a 2-2 draw. They managed a win against the Supersonic Ducks with a solid defense in the first half denying a score from their avian opponents and scored with a gutsy drive down the sideline by Thrower, Sir Lobbings. The Strikers tasted a bitter defeat against the Banana Warriors who easily smashed their lines in a one sided 2-0 victory. They looked like they were poised to do the same in turn to the Kaiser’s Seahawks, but the game was called early due to an odd case of a mortally wounded thrower. It was ruled a concede by the refs and is still a bone of contention with hard-core Strikers fans. They were up with a 4 man advantage and had already scored early, but it seems there was a lot of respect between these two teams and the health of their foes’ thrower came first. Next, came the team’s first death. In a close 2-1 loss, their lineman Mr Backup was struck down. Next the Strikers tied their old friends and foes the Fish Knights 2-2 and finished up with a pair of 2-1 wins, both of which were very tight against the House of Eagles and the Naillers resulting in their 2nd death of the season. They’re going to be faced with an uphill best of three series against these former Champions from Copper, but if they’re to advance to the finals they’ve no other choice but to strike hard and strike fast!
Last, resting atop the pinnacle that is first place in Silver Cup seasonal play, we have the undisputed favorites to win this years finals. You know their names, you fear their mighty talons, they’re the Carnivore Claws! The Lizards who have single-handedly struck fear into the hearts of all the other teams in this division. They racked up a 7-2-0 record. That’s right, undefeated! The best these lizards have had to face are a pair of draws. No matter the team, no matter the situation, these reptiles have come out on top of the heap. They roll with a 14-man squad, sporting the standard 6 Saurus and Krox along with a whopping 6 skinks as the speed behind their muscle! The racked up three victories fast against their fellow lizards of the Banana Warriors, the humies of the Kaiser’s Seahawks, and the stunties of the Naillers. Their fourth match was a draw, but one where they were barely held off by the beleaguered House of Eagles. They proceeded to bash and slash their way to three more wins, beating the Srikers, House Zauvirr, and the Supersonic Ducks. Surprisingly enough their only other draw was to the Fish Knights who we’ll point out are Brettonians. Either due to the exceptional play of Norbert, Nathan and the rest of the boys or due to some other reason, their normally bashy nature was curtailed. Perhaps their weakness lays in the Brettonian on Lizard match up. There’s a lot of fend and wrestle for the big guys to deal with, and tackle is often plentiful on the blizters to prevent skinks from slipping through the gaps. Whatever the reason, they’re no doubt hoping the Strikers prevail in the other semi-final match up as they seemed the easier of the pair for their front line lizards to tear apart. The threat from the more agile Eagles cannot be stated enough. With everything going on the line for Tector’s Carnivores it’s all going to come down to how easily he can dispatch his fellow lizards. Will they go down easy, will they inflict some casualties on their way out, or will this 4th seed team have the dream series and cause an upset? Nothing is certain, and though undefeated in season play, it’s certainly not too late. That’s it for our coverage for now, and we’ll see you all on the pitch to watch these four teams go head to head to head to head! Till next time, this is Channel-H news signing out!
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Post by goodpass on Apr 7, 2016 4:50:20 GMT
As a super keen fluff writer, and even more avid reader, I cannot approve this post enough. I've tried finding a like button but there isn't one, so have some gold! Use it to put out a hit on a player in tin and broadcast his name, team etc so people can stomp on his head maybe courtesy of Butcher Bill's Butcher's Bills, corpse disposal and official bodycounter to the stars! Try hitting the thump up button, probably that has something to do with things you like. Goodpass
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Post by hdawg on Apr 28, 2016 5:37:19 GMT
Here we are one last time sports fans! Channel-H news making one final reporting for the final round of Season 2 Copper Cup and all of the motley crews that constitute it! It’s been a long season, fraught with awol coaches, dismembered players, and bankrupt stadiums. A long hard road, but one that is finally coming to an end. So, without dragging this out, like a rotting zombie dragging its partially severed leg, let’s get to it and give you what you want. All the deats!
Our first matchup is a furry fiasco in the making, with rat on rat violence at its finest. The members of the new arrivals of Head Coach OnSt4r’s Cheddar Cheese will lock actual plague-ridden horns with the more squishy foreheads of Head Coach Kaiser’s The Kilsev Killers. Actually, they’ve opted for prehensile tails instead of horns! A gruesome evolution *shudders* The two coaches are going to be fielding drastically different incarnations of a ‘Skaven’ line up. The Killers are absolutely mangled after their match against Coach TS and his Chaos team, Trucido. With only 8 players to work with, Kaiser is going to be sporting a lone StormVermin, his RatOgre, two gutter runners, and four lineman. With nothing left to lose except their lives, expect to see these rats make big plays to try and take their more ‘evolved’ kin on the other team to the great ratpile in the sky. Meanwhile, Head Coach Onst4r is cruising on in with another dominant performance against Head Coach Tector’s Imperial Pirates. With a 4-1 win the round previously and last weeks 3-1 win these rats are looking unstoppable! It’s a good thing they were a late arrival or they’d be a top contender for the playoffs. The Cheddar Cheese fiends boast a full 4-rat gutter runner squad, a pair of nasty Storm Vermins, four linerats, and their Ratogre Hitbim. They’ll be short 1 player, out with a groin strain, but the apoths assure us he’ll be right as rain by the next match. Let’s see just how many of these rats make it back off the pitch in one piece now that The Kislev Killers are out for blood!
Our 2nd pairing looks to be another interesting and potentially high scoring match. Head Coach Mercy Flush is a new arrival to copper, another late entry to fill the void of the teams and their respective coaches who fell by the wayside. And what a contender here as well! Wood Elves? That simply doesn’t seem fair, but in all honesty they played in Copper Plate, the off branch tournament and these elves sure know how to rack up the wins. They’re 2/2 so far, smoking the Norbert Fish Fanclub 3-1 and sneaking out a tight 1-0 win against the Superheroes and Dragons. Now their sights fall upon Head Coach Tector and his Empire team, the Imperial Pirates. Are these humies up to the task? Sure they might have had a rough game last round, but they’re still in decent shape. They can field 10 players, with a catcher out with a absolutely smashed hip. If he ever makes it back on the pitch he’ll never run the same again. It’ll be interesting to see if he gets the boot or not, and veteran player, Jorg Hamlyn is quickly emerging as a new star on the team. Knight Fentleberry and Hildred Leopold are going to be the blitzers everyone on the team is going to look at to do the heavy lifting. This game is going to be slippery, fast, dodgey and downright dirty! Here’s hoping the 200k+ of inducements helps out these brave humies to put up a stalwart defense against these leafy bastards!
Match 3 of the final round falls to the familiar faces of Head Coach TS with Trucido and the Brettonian super fans under Head Coach Hdawg. That’s right, the Norbert Fish Fanclub are going to finally pit their skills against the heavy hitting Chaos players in the league. The Chaos have inflicted 95 injuries over their season and made 517 blocks, but the Fanclub aren’t pushovers either. To their name they have 139 injuries inflicted and 652 blocks made, edging them out in both counts. Can either of these teams pass or score? Ehhhh, it’s not unheard of. Sami is by far the most agile player on either team, with 166 rushing yards this season he’s a natural fit to run the ball. One more touchdown and he should also be competent in blocking incoming tacklers. This may be the Bretonnians last chance to lay the hurt on before the Chaos Warrior gets fully trained. Cadoc is going to be yet another roadblock for the Bretts to overcome, the bulky Minotar solely responsible for 10 of the teams 95 injuries. If they can isolate or hurt him early these Fishy foes are going to have a much easier time pulling off a win!
Round 4 is up next, with teams from Head Coach King of The Cosmos and Nails’ camps. The Superheroes and Dragons didn’t quite manage to pull off a win against their wood elf brethren of team Tor Anrok Tornado, but these Dark Elves have got to be absolutely driven to win this next one. The Patchwork Princes faired a smidge better, managing an absolutely incredible 3-3 draw against the top team, FTL {Faster Than Light}. This match had it all, 4 injuries and 2 Kos apiece, one death each, and identical 128 yards rushing. True, the wood elves managed those extra 34 passing yards, but in the end it didn’t translate out to that little extra to earn the win. The Patchwork Princes are sporting a massive 14 man roster, but one of their linemen, Big Twitch managed to break his neck. Expect to see him potentially removed in games to come, not that he really needed the nimble footwork or the ball handling per say; more that it’s awkward now to see him stumbling about the pitch. Gives the entire club a bad name... So what do we expect from a Brett on Dark Elf match up? Well, there’s a whole hell of a lot of guard on the blockers from the Princes and Philippe de Couronne is a threat now both on offense and defense. A lot is going to come down to the unfortunate reality that the SaD’s are going to be forced to pick up two journeymen for this game. Jean Gray might be able to foul a few key players off the pitch and Kobold Girl will no doubt keep her eyes peeled for any opportunities to surf, but this is a top notch team they’re going to be facing. Hopefully their inducements pay some dividends towards making this a bit more of a ‘fair’ match. Just don’t make it too clean boys! Let’s see some caved in skulls on the pitch, hehe.
Alright, we’re at the halfway point. Teams featuring in round 5 are The Hobbit Dwarves led by Head Coach Zymotic and they’ll be facing Suk Monkeys, another Chaos Team newly arrived as a filler team under the management of Head Coach Michaels. This is yet another example of a team who played in Copper Plate and is shifting on over for a handful of games to make the end of the season smooth on out. They have Kongog. That alone should be enough to put the fear of Nurgle, Khorne, Slaneesh, and Tzeentch in these poor dwarves. What’s a Kongog, you might ask? Oh, only a massive 900lbs minotaur with a cunning gleam in its eye that hints at it’s skill at blocking. Accompanying its massive stature and gleeful blocking skills are razor-sharp claws that can open up the finest dwarven set armor like it’s opening cans of tuna. Just terrifying to see that ferocious beast charging down the pitch at you. They’re coming off just a brutal trashing of the Roland Rats, besting the ratty foes 3-0 and now it’s going to be up to the stunties of The Hobbit Dwarves to find a weakness in their front line. Some of their Chaos Warriors don’t have blocking skills, and there’s no one more suited to punishing that than Eril on his Deathroller or Kili with is brutal left hook. They’re coming off a 1-0 loss against the Norbert Fish Fanclub, but much of that had to due with their ball carrier suffering a brain aneurism in the 1st half. He was wide open, ready to score, and time elapsed. What could have been a 1-1 draw ended in yet another stinging defeat, but this time, one of their own making. Will they choke again when faced with these Chaotic foes? Or are the Suk Monkies about to run headlong into an iron wall of pain and fury? Tune in to their match this week and find out!
Round 6 is our Highlight game of the week. That’s right, this could easily be a foreshadowing of the finals to come. Let’s put our hands, paws, claws, and slimy appendages together for two of the best teams to come out of Copper Cup this season. Do they really need an introduction?...No seriously, can I just skip over them entirely? Apparently I’m getting the head shake from the guys backstage so let’s go over it quickly. FTL {Faster Than Light} and Flash-Gitz. Two teams who could not be more different if they tried. Tusks and long flowing hair. Elves and Orkz! This is going to either be a long game of pin the uppercut on the pointy ear, or a ring around the rabid blackorc. Head Coach Wenteros is sporting an impressive 11-2-1 record this season, having just earned his 2nd draw against the Patchwork Princes last round. They’ve got the punching power of Gila, the wrestling skills of their linemen, and the speed of Torus, Osprey and Nesasio. This is a deadly line up of elves and Head Coach Minarasl is going to have to keep his game plan very tight to his chest if he’s going to come out on top. He’s boasting a 9-2-3 record, but it could have been even higher, potentially at 10-1-3, but alas he and his opponents from last round were unable to agree upon something as simple as whose stadium they’d meet at. Instead, these greenskin have been working themselves up into a lather, frothing at the tusks to get at something fresh and squishy. Two weeks of being bottled up and they’re going to be dying to kill something. They’ve got a nasty front line of Black Orcs and three players trained at slide tackling those dodgey elves off their twinkle-toes feet. This could be a pitched affair, tight and down to the wire, or it could easily be a landslide victory for either team. If the elves slip past then FTL could run away with 2 or 3 TD’s uncontested, but if the Flash-Gitz get 2-3 injuries early they could easily start getting the player advantage and crush this ‘star’ team into a team that is just ‘seeing stars’. Trust us, you aren’t going to want to miss this one!
Alrighty, moving on to the match up for the 7 group of teams. That’s the Roland Rats under Head Coach MC Hammer and It’s Not Easy Being Green led by Head Coach Hawwwwwk! Have you ever seen a Coach more dedicated to winning through sheer confidence and self-assuredness? I sure haven’t. At first we thought the Greenskin coach was just using some sort of WAAAGH magic against his opponents, but it turns out he just knows how to call’em and isn’t afraid to lay down some smack talk or an open threat. Will his orcs be keen to smash some rats? Gods, you better believe it. While team captain, Wart, is out of commission expect to see Michael j. Frog and Kermit step up to take on the bone crushing duties. Trollfarts, former intern and crewman at Channel-H news isn’t having a stellar first season, but hey, at least he’s not dead. Many a day around the water cooler we’d say ‘man, can you picture Trollfarts in the actual cup? I sure could...bet he wouldn’t even die!’ and so we’ve stayed true to our word. He’s also fast approaching his first bout of ‘team training’ and it’s possible he learns a valuable skill to really up his kill potential. The rats you ask? Well MC Hammer and the Roland Rats have seen better days. They’re coming off their 3-0 loss to the Suk Monkies. No, they’re not a brand new team, though with a 980 TV it’s easy to make that mistake. They’re just short on players is all. With 2 active uninjured gutter runners, a pair of throwers, and four linemen, they’re going to be forced to play this match with their claws tied behind their backs. Three journeymen, yup. Read’em and weep. They’ll have an astonishing amount of Inducements though at the very least. Perhaps a star player or two and a wizard might tip the odds in their favor. Here’s hoping they all make it through to the end of the week, sheesh. They’re going to need all the help they can get!
Last but certainly not least we are happy to say that the Twin Tailed Heralds coached by Head Coach Sitaavanu are going to finally test their skills against the Brettonians of the Mont. St. Michel Guardians. Now, Sitaavanu and his empire humies might have been forced into a draw this round, but they’re no strangers to the Brettonian match up. Though latecomers their second game after joining the league was against the Norbert Fish Fanclub and they went on to face the Patchwork Princes. Now, full disclosure...both of those games were pretty bad 3-0 losses, but OVERALL this team has been kicking ass and taking names, earning a 5-2-3 record with 1-0-3 being inherited from the team they replaced. If you knock off their last draw due to the misunderstanding with the Flash-Gitz, hellfires, I’d say we have ourselves a playoffs contender! So what’s their game plan going to be this time around vs yet another heavily armored bash hungry team of French poofters? They might not be able to out bash them so maybe they’ll have to out dodge and outfox their opponents. That said, these Guardians are looking mean. They’ve got a healthy 13 man squad, and are coming off a 1-0 victory over the orcs of It Isn’t Easy Being Green. They have the unlikely threat of Big Doug, a lineman who is a cut above the norm, the freakishly strong head blocker Hercule Poirot along with the rest of his guard focused blockers. Think that’s bad enough? Think again! We’ve got Alain the Rude who is just as likely to flip you off as to bash your face in, the elusive and skilled thrower Dagobert the Red, and the absolutely underhanded tactics of the dirty player, Fat James. Expect him to foul that poor ogre Razutt Destructive every chance he gets! That’s all for now sports fans, if one of these matches piqued your interest, well tune on in and watch the matches live in real Hi-Destiny vision! Until next season, this has been Channel-H news! Look for us in Silver Cup this coming season as we bring you all the action.
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