Hello fans! This has been our long lost cast. We were waylaid by a chaos horde while visiting the north near Kislev and were forced to stay low for a week or two. But now, with most of us safely home, we’d love to bring you the Iron Phoenix Silver Cup Season 2 Semi Final/Finals report! We managed to get exclusive interviews with all four of the Head Coaches as well as select players who were willing to be interviewed. Though we now know the final 2 teams, there is bound to be a lot of hype surrounding ‘who will win’. It’s sure to be an amazing match either way, so let’s get to it!
First off, we travelled to the elven lands of the Asrai to the domain of Head Coach Mercy Flush and the defeated but proud members of Tor Anrok Tornado. They of course lost in the semi finals to the Dominant Dragons, fighting on valiantly despite having most of their players injured and knocked off the pitch. We were pleasantly pleased to find their coach in one peice and mostly sober. We sent one of our elven corespondants, Silvia Silverleaf to conduct the interview. Here’s what transpired.
SS- Greetings, Coach! My condolences on your loss last week against the Dominant Dragons. I know it was a tough one to endure.
SS- No one wants to see a team lose to injuries I hope your squad is on the mend?
MercyFlush- Hi there, Silvia. Great to see ya, yes indeed, brutal defeat once again for me in an Iron Phoenix semi-final. I'm certainly starting to get that bridesmaid complex round here! The boys took a nasty beating & big questions will need to be asked...not least being my precarious tenure as manager.
SS- Oh yes...that does bring your position into question somewhat. I suppose I should ask then...Due to the severity of this loss, will the Tornados be forced to re-enter silver cup for a second season or is the hope still that they'll recover in time to enter gold and seek revenge?
MercyFlush- We have several options available to be sure.. Silver,Gold... Platinum?? retirement or even certain Tornado stars going up for sale on the Iron Phoenix market (any interest in 2 SS,MB,Guard wardancers - pls PM my office!), right now tho Silvia i just couldn't tell you.
SS- Of course of course, it’s a tumultuous time of course. A lot still hanging in the balance undecided. But, despite the overall loss, some of your players showed real growth. You'll have to pardon the terrible pun! Ahem- Deepbranch and several of your woodie squad managed to account for themselves well. had your roster been just a tad bit healthier do you feel you might have been able to squeeze out a win?
MercyFlush-There were many moments of magic since i took over the team & this season in particular the Falcons match was superb.. not to mention the season highlight win against the Stoners eh??!! cracking stuff. As for the playoff game? nah.. we were patient & tried our best to wait for that 1 break that never came, we'd practiced hard but stupidly overlooked defending our blodgers getting CAS'd by rookie skinks!
They were certainly built overall as a team to take out elves.. & we got in their way. There was 1 slim chance when the coach's booth caught fire due to some seriously overheating dice... but then some dweeb ran in with an extinguisher!! so that was Plan Z up in smoke right there..
SS- We heard that fire was lit intentionally, in an attempt to distract coaching staff. No matter. Next question! I know you have several positionals which potentially need to be filled. With funds not exactly where you'd ideally like them to be, what will your first priority be for rebuilding?
MercyFlush- The Tornadoes have a running catcher problem which we'd be looking to scout for in future.. but aside from that we're pretty stacked & have, by far, the most agile & skillfull group of players in IP... as long as we have more than 2 healthy at a time for any given match we're in with a shout!.. we're working towards that goal..
SS- If given the opportunity would you want a chance to play Trucido for 3rd place or is it safe to assume Tor Anrok will need to cede their claim for a podium finish?
MercyFlush- HA!!! I say again, HA!! - bring it!! Anytime,place or where.. Chaos teams were the total bane of our season, it'd be a great swansong to actually put 1 over on those punks! HA!!
SS- Well, we thank you for your time, coach. Any last words or comments for Channel-H News viewers and Tornados fans at home?
MercyFlush- A pleasure as alway Silvia, channel-H news rocks! For any Tornado fans (still) out there.. hi mum!!
From there our attention turns to none other than our little goblin friend, JJ Johnson our goblin on the ground. Being of short stature and being decidedly expendable, we decided he would be the best to venture north into the wastes to interview the members of team Trucido and Head Coach TS. Surprisingly enough he not only lived to tell the tale, but got some really good material. Here’s what his interview yielded.
JJ- Welcome to Channel-H News. We hope your our visit wasn’t too much of an inconveniance or nothing?
*Silence*
Right ahhhh..we'll try to keep things short, as we know you're a busy man, so let's get right to it. Trucido had an excellent season, crushing your rivals the Suk Monkeys who talked a lot of smack during seasonal play due to your lack of claws. Was this 'non-traditional' approach to your front line intentional, as your guard heavy approach seems to have served you well?
TS- I feel claw is a bit overrated just like the Suk Monkeys.
JJ- Whoa ho! Dropping bombs right outa the gate! Gimme five, my man!
*TS doesn’t budge an inch*
JJ- Ahhh so, it must have been disappointing to get knocked out of the running by the Atlantis Falcons. What do you think were your failings (if any) or what do you think your opponents did better to squeak out with a win?
TS- It was a tough loss vs the Atlantis Falcons. They made some key plays that we didn’t, it’s Blood Bowl. I feel good about the direction of the team, but we need to get a few more goats trained up.
JJ- Oh for sure! But our sports analysts were interested in your choice to keep a chaos warrior, team captain Sami, off the pitch for your defense. We can only assume it was to keep him fresh for the next offensive drive. Can you talk us through your thoughts on that particular strategy?
TS- Sami is a valuable player and try to keep him off the pitch as much as possible. We have a very deep player bench so someone needs to sit out anyone. Sami is an offensive player unlike Cadoc who is a big part of our game plan with his size guard and damage potential.
JJ- Your team has gone through copper and now Silver cup. Can we expect to see them return for gold?
TS- We are definitely going to moving up to gold. We made the proper stadium upgrades.
JJ- Many point to the fact that you didn't have your team minotaur, Cadoc for your match against the humies. How important is the big guy's presence in your game plan?
TS- I already told you...he’s a big part of our game plan. Weren’t you listening?
JJ- Alright alright, big guy! Last question since you’re getting testy. I'm sure you saw the Dominant Dragons / Tor Anrok Tornados match? If you didn't, gods it was a massacring. We'll give you this final word as we sign off. Your predictions for who will win the Cup and why. - The Atlantis Falcons or the Dominant Dragons?
TS- I did watch the Dragons vs. Tornados match and was really surprised because the Dragons did the same to us in week 2. My injury box was overflowing and even after the healer they still kept getting hurt. I suspect the Suk Monkeys were unjustly disqualified. They were not the team juicing it was the Dragons and somehow samples were swapped.
I thought it was going to be an elf final match Wood vs. Dark. However, Dragons vs. Falcons as long as the Dragons are on their magic juice its the Falcons match to lose. With the star skink out for the Dragons (Green Drake) the Falcons should have it and as long as Johnny Football doesn’t do anything ... well you know.
JJ- Oh yeah, we totally know what you mean about Johnny *makes a drunk motion with one hand* Well thanks, you’ve been really sporting to let your men- er players, not eat me. Cya next time Coach!
Next, we move on to our Finalists! It was hard to find a skink from our camera crews that had the right kind of Pinash to become a sports commentator, but we needed someone who knew the lingo for the Dominant Dragons interview. Finally, we settled on Toothless, our little guy who usually mans camera #4. He’s brought you some really good hits over the years in highlight reels, running along underneath big guys as they clober their foes and now he’s here to bring you a first hand interview with none other than Head Coach Nails!
Toothless- Congratulations! Head Coach Nails. Your lizards have made it all the way to the Iron Phoenix Silver Cup finals. This isn't new for your team of course, as they've made it to finals before in Copper, but last time they came up short against the Brettonian team, House of Eagles. What are you hoping they do differently this time to secure a win?
Nails- The big guys have learned a few things since Copper. I expect the fragile dark elves to go the same way as the other elves in my last match. The poor frail ones ran out of space to store the bodies!
Toothless- Your Skinks have taken a pounding in the last quarter of this season, sustaining multiple injuries and deaths. With your best runner, green drake, out of commission do you have any concerns about ball handling should the falcons target your two remaining experienced skinks?
Nails- Skinks are small and agile, they'll do what they do best and avoid any players with tackle.
Toothless- Sheesh! Easier said than done. I’ve seen the footage! Anyways... where was I? Oh!Your semi-final match against the wood elves of Tor Anrok Tornados had a lot of viewers disappointed. Your opponents sustained so many casualties that it became a one-sided affair early on. By the end of the game there were something like 9 injuries and 2 KOs. How do you respond to the allegations that have been circulating that some of your Saurus must have illegally sharpened their claws prior to the match?
Nails- Claws are a natural part of any lizard, the same a an orc polishing his tusks before a fight. There's nothing illegal in it.
Toothless- Some fans feel Tiamat has been a lacklustre choice as team captain, failing to make an impact in most matches. Do you expect she'll retain her position moving forwards or would another Saurus be considered as a potential replacement?
Nails- She's just started developing finally and has managed a casualty in the last 3 matches, I see great things for her in the matches to come.
Toothless- Clearly you must be aware of the extreme agility of this Dark Elf team you're about to face. With the tiple threat of hyper carries, dodging, and passing how do you plan to defend against the Falcons' offense?
Nails- It's true it may be hard to get them down, though two of our saurus have been trained in the wrestle / tackle tactics, so hopefully it won't prove too much of a challenge. And once they go down, they won't be getting back up again!
Toothless- There's a lot of buzz that follows a player like Johnny Football. Your thoughts on their star captain?
Nails- He's just an elf, his bones are as brittle as any other elf.
Toothless- You'll be forced into grabbing a journeyman skink, that much we know. Any idea on if you'll favor a wizard, some bribe money, or some extra training to make up the gulf in team experience?
Nails- I've never had much luck with wizards, I'll see what takes my fancy.
Toothless- Assuming your team is still more or less intact following this finals match can fans expect to see the Dragons again in the upcoming Gold IP League?
Nails- Well it would be a shame to deprive the fans of all that blood, and the queen of dragons hasn't finished her hoard yet, I'm sure we'll make an appearance.
Toothless- Thank you so much for your time! It was such an honor to meet the team <3
Last, but certainly not least, we sent our dangerously charming yet sharp tongued Witch Elf, Ivanna Blocku to the heartland of the Empire to meet with the Kaiser himself. Ever the professional she no doubt got an amazing first hand interview. Let’s go direct now to the footage!
Ivanna Blocku: Greetings your highness, and our sincerest thanks to you, heir Kaiser for taking time out of your busy schedule to meet with us. Thank you as well for allowing us an exclusive interview at the royal palace!
The Kaiser: you are velcome.
Ivanna Blocku: We here at Channel-H News are excited as anyone to see the Atlantis Falcons move through to the finals. Your thoughts on their season thus far and their performance in the semis against Trucido?
The Kaiser: Vell the season vas a tough vun for all, many talented teams and coaches, for me vun the stand out games unt a tuning point for us vas against zat chaos team with the za minotaur kongore. The kongore kill vos vunderbar!
Though it was the weakest coach and team it vas good turning point.
Ivanna Blocku: Indeed it was, a great triumph for the Falcons to get the ball rolling! Johnny Football has been in the press most weeks of the season, for better or for worse. Can you tell us a little bit about your thoughts on inviting such a huge personality on an otherwise low-key team?
The Kaiser: Johnny football is za team and has been a part of every win, but you can ask him yourself he is in the next room unt demands his own vun on vun interview. Za dragonz will be a good challenge and a tough game, it should be a vunderbar show for za fans.
Ivanna Blocku: Oh of course, we'd been wondering if he was around and available for comment. I just wonder if you have any concerns about future demands from him for a salary increase above and beyond what the team can afford?
The Kaiser: nein, ve vill pay vhatever he demands, he iz too good a player to lose, others vill have to bite za bullet.
Ivanna Blocku: Kaiser, one last question- Ohh! No, no it looks like Johnny is waving me in. I'll be right back Heir Kaiser. *she gets up, dusting off her outfit as she scurries into the ajoined suite*
The Kaiser: Auf Wiedersehen
---
Ivanna Blocku: A real pleasure to make your acquaintance. Might we bother you for a few questions? Huge fan, by the way, Mr Football!
Johnny Football: Of course you are, and the pleasure is all yours, you're right about that. First up you, like all the others, probably want to know why it looked like i didnt play well in the semi fianl?
Ivanna Blocku: Oh yes, Mr Football. That had been at the top of my list of questions. How perceptive of you!
Johnny Football: Well, i believe they did not have the right air preasure in the footballs. In short, they tried to cheat.
Ivanna Blocku: But of course, it is their only resort when faced with a player of your calibre!
Johnny Football: True true, I also want to point out that the dragons should step down and let the only other elf team into the final then we would see a great arial show and would see true bood bowl.
Ivanna Blocku: Funny you should mention that....I'm sure you watched the wood elves of Tor Anrok Tornado get battered by the Dominant Dragons last week! If they refuse to step down, and boasting SUCH an intimidating line up of Saurus do you have any contingency strategies in place for a situation where the team sustains heavy casualties early on?
Johnny Football: As it stands you will get just me, but that is enough for any true fan of blood bowl. The falcons are not as weak as Tor Anrok, have you not watched all the so called heavey hitters this season and what it is we have done to them? How many did we kill of the suck chaos team and its wimpy coach? how many scores did we get? And then there was the semi final, even with flat balls we still outplayed and took on the bash game.
Ivanna Blocku: Of course, it was silly of me to think you'd need a strategy for if you were losing, you'll no doubt start winning from the outset! A brilliant strategy, Mr Football! You've been a huge advocate and spokesperson for raising the quality of changerooms, pitches, and Blood Bowl equipment as a whole, standards which I as a fellow dark elf agree are disgustingly low. I mean, no fresh soap? How crude. Though your retirement is still very far off, would you ever consider a career as a head coach or as a cabal vision commentator such as Bob Bifford and Jim Johnson?
Johnny Football: Whatever i chose to do i will be great at it, I am loved by all fans and coaches, maybe I will co hoast channel H news as one of my pet projects. Maybe i will get into politics king johnny football has a nice ring to it dont you think?
Ivanna Blocku: Ohhh please say you will! Short of you co-hosting Channel-H News I think you'd be one of the only reasons for me to consider un-retiring for one last season or three. But if you throw your hat into the political ring, I'd certainly vote for you! King Johnny for life!
Johnny Football: Hmmm. So what was your name again?
Ivanna Blocku: Ivanna, Ivanna Blocku <3 *hearts literally shimmering in her eyes*
Johnny Football: Well Ivanna i will let you sign on and join my harem for the rest of this season and if you work hard you may even be one of the top 16 to stay on for next season.
Ivanna Blocku: I know you're a very confident elf, on and off the pitch *winks* but your fame must also be daunting at times. How does it feel knowing you're such an important cog in the gears of the Atlantis Falcons? Do you ever find it challenging to perform at your best knowing that your entire team and fan base would be nothing without you?
Johnny Football: No, my gifts are just that, and for me being this good is just natural. I know for some it maybe hard to come close to be as good but for me i take it all in stride.
Ivanna Blocku: *As Ivanna attempts to ask her next question, several attendants who have been hovering around Johnny Football like droning flies inform him he's late for his next signing at the palace gates. The crowd is growing restless and they insist he cut this interview short*
Ivanna Blocku: It was so nice meeting you! Call me! *staggering back a few steps into the room where the kaiser has rudely been left waiting all this time* Oh wow....what an elf...Oh, who are you again?
The Kaiser: vat ! get out! Ich have a game to plan
Ivanna Blocku: Oh no, no! My apologies, Heir Kaiser. *struggling against 2 guards who are now dragging her towards the exit* Our last question was for you! Based off the success of this team and the star power of players such as Jim Zorn, Havoc, and of course Johnny Football many have surmised you'll consider backing them as your entry for Gold League in favor of your home grown team, the Kaiser's Seahawks. Are these rumors true or can we expect to see Russel Wilson and Co. make a return?
The Kaiser: nein comment
Well! Though the interview was a success she’s distanced Channel-H News from the Kaiser. A slight like this can hardly go unpunished and the channel isn’t about to pay for it. I think someone’s days here might be numbered. Pack your bags Ivanna, it might be a short final week here at the studio. That’s all for now sports fans! Let’s root on our remaining two teams and may the best Blood Bowlers win!