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Post by jordionboy on Jan 6, 2016 23:38:50 GMT
A large logo flashes in front of the camera, big, blue, chunky letters surrounded by a red arrow pointing to the left. "Cabalvision II: the little leagues!" then underneath was the words "Round up news!" in black cursive. apparently the name of the show, there was a lyre playing a swift, actiony set of cords. Then the logo faded away, the lyre playing more gently as a significantly lower budget set than the main Cabal bloodbowl channel, was shown with a long haired orc with warpaint and a halfling.
The orc turned to the camera and flexed is fists into a double bicep curl but with both arms pointing forwards, so it looked like he was pulling something heavy down. "I am the god that is! the ultimate warrior, the one who walks the roads most hard and treacherous!" he announced in a strained bellow as the halfling nodded.
"And i'm Porky Butterscotch. Well folks I dunno about you but that match was amazing, who would have expected that blitz?!" The halfling started excitedly, rubbing a hand through his hair as he remembered it, the short brown bowlcut falling back into place afterwords.
"Indeed, the future of the strength smiles down on that Human, the poison of his strength ripping the weak Minotaur asunder!" the orc continued spreading his fingers and them pulling them down as if clawing something.
"Yeah Ultimate, but did you see the beast's head? It came clean off!" the excited halfing laughed.
"That is the nature of the game! Would you like to articulate to those tucked up in their homes, ready for the show of a lifetime what we have in the Stores of our entertainment for them?!" the warrior yelled some more as the halfling picked up some black papers and straightened them up, trying to look busy like he was told.
"Indeed, indeed. Well, next on the minor leagues we are covering the RSL League, for the first time on a big station, this is the second season and boy i tell you these players are something. the Really stupid League is so called because the coaches seem to make some strange decisions for what to train their guys in, often making fairly incompetent players." the halfling explained.
"Yes, and half of them know not what they do, the hands of nuffle are strong in this league, but one thing is for sure, we see some interesting plays!" the warrior bellowed
the halfling chuckled. "indeed, we have a good dozen teams ready to play the great game." the halfling smiled as the screen darkened, the two co-hosts turning as if talking, though there was no sound. then it faided back in to a bloodbowl pitch.
A short, thin halfling like creature stood in a green bloodbowl uniform over a green tie and white shirt. "Aye an' noo we hae th' brae Men, Oorcs an' Elfs playin' in th' AR.ES.IL." he let out in a thick, almost over the top scottish accent.
"First up we hae th' random wrestlers, a brae oorc team. Runners up lest season, an oorc team tryin' somethin' different wi' their choice tae play th' ball gam. we hud their leader hulk hogan in fur an interview wi' porky earlier an' thes is whit he said." The screen fades away again to show Hulk sat in a chair opposite Porky in a set made to look like a posh living room.
"So, Mr Hogan I heard you boys chose the passing game? What inflenced that?" Porky asked, smiling widely, he could almost touch a real profectional bloodbowler, he was so excited.
Hulk nodded. "Iz all 'bout wot skillz yaz get, dese boyz 'r' provin' dey got da skillz to playz da bal' soze I letz 'em. Don' wanna getz too much bett'r den the enemy, dat's no fun." Hogan elaborated, reclining gently and stroking his mustache lightly.
"HUK KOGAN! Now who had the Last of the laughs?! the gods have poisoned you and here i set as the ultimate, with a cushy, well payed job! while you risk life and limb Huk Kogan!" the warrior unterupted the interview, smashing through a door and pointing threateingly at hogan.
"You'ze waz too punchy! we 'r'n't dat sotta teem!" Hogan growled as the camera shut off, obviously cut, though for a few seconds the sounds of a fight and "huk kogan!" were heard.
the Little guy seemed put out but continued anyway as he faided back in. "Weel, 'at was informatife, aam hear wi' th' LAPHTER lab rats, a new team thes time. they hae voluntarily offered tae tak' a boorichie ay skaven drugs hopin' tae enhance performance. i've managed tae gie in tae gab tae gutter runner combat amphetamines. Combat how do you feel about the upcoming season?"
"I-i dont knowsss man, do-do you have any puff? i-i needsss my fixsss! C-coach s-saysss we-we canss only t-takes our prescribedss pillsses " combat begged desperately, on his knees. "they don't givesss the buzzss!" the pathetic rat wailed, while in the background the rat oger was busy eating a training dummy, and complaining loudly about the munchies.
"Th-thenk ye combat, we're expectin' stoatin things frae th' LAPHTER in th' future, efter these commercials we'll be reit back wi' uir next team." the short scottish one stated, before hitting the rat in the head with his mike to get free as the screen faided to black.
an old man starts to talk, dressed in peasant clothes and sat on a rocking chair outside of a rundown house. "do you remember when combat was just with swords and bows? Hautmont farm remembers. Do you remember when the great game of bloodbowl was just for orcs and humans? Hautmont farm remembers. Hautmont farm also remembers when bakers knew how to put love into their work, and it still tried it's best to maintain that level of love, we believe it makes our Biscuits the best in the Empire, why not try for yourself, your tongue will thank ya." he said in a soothing, calm voice as he rocked slowly as almost hand writen looking cursive writing faided in. "made with 50% more love, do you remember Hautmont farm?"
The halfling like creature straightened his tie "An' we're back, noo, lets gie tae th' next team, haur we hae th' lizard team, General Scales' Finest. Wi' us is. general scales himself. General, Hoo dae ye hink yer team will dae?" He asked, holding the mike up to the huge kroxigor.
"Kreks taxsoriss, mexsssrisss esssxcator!" the lizard hissed, crossing his arms, on the screen subtitles floated near the bottom. "we will crush those who stand before us" they read but the interviewer just looked confused.
"Reit, onie players tae watch it fur?" he asked holding the mix up again.
"Exxir, torbar kirrissss morricssss" again the subtitles appeared. "all of my players are the best"
"Okay, thenk ye general, we also managed tae catch up wi' th' glade oaks, lest years winners, tae gie an interview."
Porky was sat in the same set as had been used for the hogan interveiw, though it was clearly the worse for wear, there was a smashed table and a bent lamp as well as porky's chair having been totally replaced. "So, Hirellion, how do you feel about your win last season and what are your predictions for this season?" Porky asked, smiling and attacking a scone he had.
"We crushed them obviously, we are after all the best the league had by far.it wasn't a satisfying victory simply because they weren't a challenge. the next season will be no different, I guarantee it!" the elf snorted in his uppity accent, smiling as he sipped his tea.
"Indeed, are there any teams you fear could stop you?" Porky asked, now on his fifth scone, powdered sugar coating his face.
"None, perhaps if there were some other REAL Elves there might be challenge, but nothing like that has entered yet." he snorted.
"brave, brave- Wurfs thur Hureliom-" Porky mumbled through his 6th scone before he gulped the thing whole. "we'll see how it turns out, thank you for your time." the halfling said politely before the show shifted by the the short green clothed man.
"Thenk ye porky, noo we ur haur wi' th' Scarrert Drivers an' th' Chaos Warrior Trish Greem shyesh. woods ye loch tae teel us a wee abit yer team?" The green clad man asked, hopping on a stool to hold the mike up the the warrior's face.
"Yis, we de beesknees, we win, we play bright!" the chaos warrior said smuggly crossing their arms, standing to their full hight, the helmet's echo making gender detirmination difficult, so the reporter didn't ask.
"An' dae ye hae onie plans fur th' games?" he asked almost afraid of the answer.
"we play, we win, we beat others!" the warrior bellowed in excitement as the team behind her fist pumped, apart from the Minotaur who was trying to work out how to free himself from the bench he had got stuck on his head.
"Thenk ye trish, noo, oan tae th' next team, we hae a khemeri team ay aw thinks, th' sandy stompers." the little halfling like creature smiled, moving over to a bunch of exorcising undead doing squat thrusts.
"oh my, dis is terrable fur mahy jointz, i'm going to weere dem dawn samethin' horrable" a nasally, weaselly sounding skeleton let out as the shortest skeleton turned to the tomb guardian over seeing them.
"this isn't democratic! we didn't vote, you're just forcing us to do this! This is the privilege inherent in the system!" the short skeleton grumbled loudly.
"shaddap" the tomb guardian scolded as the reporter chuckled nervously. "Oan second thooghts, lets gang tae th' break an' we'll be reit back." he said calmly, as the screen faided to black.
A young female goblin runs over to her father and hugs him gently. "I don' 'no wot i'd do if I los' yer!" she told him as the picture freezes. "wot wud yer famly do if yer waz kill'd? 'r' youze pr'pair'd for da inev't'ble? Wid Org 'n' Bork deff inzer'nce we pay aut a lumb sum iv you'ze ta die, from az low az 4 Teeff a day we can makez sur yer famly iz sport'd 'n' cared fer. Org 'n' Bork, wur famly com's furs." A voice spoke over the picture.
the Halfling like creature beamed, glad to have gotten away from those crazy Khemeri. "Noo wi' us we hae someain frae th' team orc justice. graaf, whit ur yer feelings oan th' league?"
"iz youze a wi'ch?" the orc asked glaring.
The green clad being was caught off guard. "n-nae, wa?" he asked, very put out.
The orc leaned in threateningly. "'cuz we don' takez well ta wi'chez. wez burnz Dem" he scowled, eyeing up the shorter being.
"Aam nae witch!" he protested as the orc lifted him up and glared at the camera.
"den watz wid da wand?" Graaf growled. the green clad man thought about it for a moment then popped out of existence, re-appearing at the other end of the field and running for his life as the team of orcs spotted him and chased down the reporter, all yelling the same thing. "A wi'ch, burnz dem, burn da wi'ch!" The screen faided out and a picillo began to play as the message "please stand bye, teknical divicultise" appeared on screen in black letters.
A minute later the studio faded back in, with porky's face covered in mustard. The ultimate warrior was the first to talk. "it looks like Lucky Jack has got himself knee deep in the pits of his own torment, those orcs will rip him open and show those watching the colour of his spine!"
Porky chuckled. "indeed my friend, while he was busy we had it brought to our attention a new team had snuck into the league but we couldn't locate them for an interview, we well let you know more as we learn more about this new team."
"it is the luck of men that we have tapped into to bring you a special treat! a treat that will bend your realities as we had porky sit down with a member of the gobbo's of foozball. Take a look with your weak eyes!" Warrior yelled as the screen changed again back to the interviewing set, now looking in better condition.
"Welcome Stupid O'Pukes. I hear you are the team's most expensive player, what are your experiences with the gobbo's?" Porky asked, cutting off a slice of sponge cake and muching it loudly, crumbs falling down his suit.
"uuung?" the troll asked dozily.
"your experiences with the team? do you have any good ones?" Porky tried again as the troll licked his lips. the halfling was reluctant but cut off a slice for the guest and offered him it, with both the plate and cake being eaten in one go, followed by the rest of the cake and it's tray, as well as the table, before the troll sat down again.
"ummm" the troll let out, holding his stomach, porky sighed.
"do you have a team mate you like?" porky tried, going for something simple.
"urrrrrg" the troll groaned, not understanding.
the silence was thick and awkward, at least it was to everyone but the troll, who didn't understand what awkward was.
"thank you for coming in Mr. O'Pukes" the halfling sighed eventually, holding his head in his hands, then realising there was some jam on them stuck them in his mouth to lick some of it off. the camera faded to black and back to the desk.
"great, great stuff. It seems lucky jack has found the next team and escaped the wrath of the Orc justice." porky smiled as the camera faded again.
The camera focused on the being known as lucky Jack, who's hat and jersey had been damaged and his short black hair was looking a little messy as he brushed it back. "we'z live" a goblin spoke up from behind the camera.
"Och, bludy heel!" he cursed putting away the hair brush and putting his hat on before walking over to a scruffy looking, slightly overweight vampire. "welcome back, sorry abit th' delay folks, we're haur wi' th' coont ay monty python an' his team. coont, whit ur yer opinions ay th' league?" he asked, a little winded still.
the count frowned. "The coach stole our telly, he won't give us it back unless we play. We were just sat at home minding our own business. We didn't expect this Estalian inquisition." he sighed, folding his arms grumpily, orange powder falling from his clothes, along with a single small, crisp orange sausage with lots of tiny holes in it.
the green clad man nodded solemnly. "No-ain ever expects th' estalian inquisition." he agreed. "Dae ye hink yoo'll win?" the shorter being asked.
The vampire shrugged. "probably." he mumbled, not really that interested.
"Weel, thenk ye anyway" jack said, before walking over to the next team, a bunch of elves doing what seemed to be a dance routine. "umm, next we hae th' caledur harlequins" the started, tapping a blitzer on the shoulder and pulling him away. "an' aam 'spikin tae nalcarien. Whit is yer prediction fur th' toornament?"
The blitzer looked a little put out. "what are you doooing?~ we were like nearly at the chorus!" he let out in fustration.
"Aam wi' th' bluid bowl league, we're interviewin' ye fur cabal vision." Jack beamed.
The smile on the elf's face threatened to split his face in two. "and you though i was the best to chose?~ i wish you'd let me put my face on though, i'd want to look Fabuloooous!~" the elf trilled.
Jack was understandably a little caught off guard, but regained composure relatively quick. " Indeed, whit ur yer team in th' toornament fur?" he asked
"oh, that's easey. we want to entertain~ but this seems to be the only thing people want to see, the brutes!" he smiled happily.
"Okay, thenk ye, that's aw we needed." jack smiled, as the elf made a thumb and pinky finger mime to his ear and mouthed "call me"
"Next we hae th' team ay vampires, twilecht, nae!!. we hae wi' us coont mannfred. Coont Wa did ye join th' league?"
The vampire looked down at the creature that was holding the microphone in his face. "whom are thee to question myself?!" he glowered.
"Aam wi' cabal vision sairrr, coods ye answer th' question?" Jack asked nervously.
"Fine Peasant, I shall explain, we joined this League for our own enjoyment. and we wished to show those fools who believe that disgusting porn tomb what a REAL vampire is like, not a sparkly ELF." he spat, frowing heavily.
"umm, thenk ye coont. N-noo fur an advert." jack smiled as the screen went black again
a violent lyre starts playing as a young norse man starts yelling. "are you sick of going slow, not having enough flow in your life? are you fed up of being safe? normal? try the new "Vike ™" brand "Wheelie-boots™"! small wheels on the soles of these armoured monsters will have you out racing horses and pulling of stunts to make everyone else feel like a GIRL! buy now only 200 gold pieces! available is killlllller red, Orkarse green or choked halfling blue! Vike, Just kill it" his tough, gravely tones yell. as the advert shows a few young norse men pulling of flips and grinds on a few metal bars and wooden ramps, obviously in some kind of barn.
then the advert faded and we come back to Jack. "We're back, aam haur wi' th' lest tois teams, first we hae th' stitches an' splinters. we're talkin' tae dr.strangelove, doctur hoo dae ye feel abit yer chances?" jack asked the ghoul in a lab coat.
"hmmmyes, well, you see this is a delicate hmmm-operation, we need a good leeeader m-you see yes?" he chuckled gently, his slow speech and stretching of every word creeping jack out significantly.
"Ah see, an' dae ye hink ye will win?" the shorter man asked gently, almost quivering.
"hmmmyes"
"any elaboration?"
"not as such, now go, we have important thing to do, oh yes hm hm hmmm." he chuckled gently, that wide, teeth baring grin encouraging the small reporter to leave quickly.
He walked over to the last team, skavens dressing in human clothes and standing up as straight as they could. Checking over his shoulder again the reporter smiled at one of the rats. "An' ur ye th' Pitt Klan Ootcasts?" he asked gently as one of them stepped forward.
"that iss correct, I am Morty moussse." the skaven smiled, trying his damnedest to make a human smile with his snout, so it ddn't really work, at all.
"Ur ye at aw woriat withit onie rat ogre ur gutter runners tae help ye?" jack asked, voicing a concern may fans had, had and asked be talked about.
the rat considered for a moment then shook his head. "i have confidenccce in my boyss." he said head held high.
"Main Ah ask wa th' nam?" jack pondered, it was unusual to say the least.
"We feel like we ssstill belong to the clan even if they won't accept usss, one day they will sssee that co-operating with and living along sssside the humansss isss the right way to live." the rat explained.
"Brae, brae words sairrr." Jack said kindly and turned back to the camera. "Weel that's th' team's veiwers, brae men a body an' aw, an' Ah wish each ay them luck." he said calmly as the orc justice team sorted down the field yelling "a wi'ch!" as the camera faded out and back to the studio.
"Man, I hope lucky turns out okay, those orcs are tenacious." porky admitted, tucking into a thick steak. Warrior nodded and porky continued. "if you would like to support any of the teams in person tickets are available at all good stockists, but for now that's all on the RSL updates." porky continued, beginning the next section of the channels schedule.
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Post by jordionboy on Jan 6, 2016 23:51:40 GMT
wow...
Not sure I can follow that adequately actually...
Well as far as the CC Juicers are concerned they are one of the many "Farm Teams" for the World Famous Crimson Crosses. Before they're allowed to come to the big leagues the Crimson Cross franchises players to various smaller tourneys and cups to get them "seasoned" properly; The Juicers are some of their most hopeful prospects... Here's a few "FUN FACTS"
The Juicers are probably best known for their Mascot Speedy J... Seen here after a team victory over a rival he...
Ummmmm... well...
Lets forget about Speedy. J for now and check in on the crack Coaching staff of the Juicers!!!
These guys are some of the best... in... the... busin...
Well, finally no expense has been spared, even for the fans in the stands, as the best and most beautiful wenches from the surrounding country side have been brought together to help cheer and inspire the Juicer faithful!
nuff said!
Ummm... Well I know I'm inspired... Go Juicers!
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Post by jordionboy on Jan 6, 2016 23:53:02 GMT
MD1 rolls wends 25 November 11.59pm GMT, please play by then. For BBM replays the section is Random Skill League (S2) Password: 123 A black screen with white chunky letters saying "Match day one!" appears over the screen as a cheap but well kept set fades into view, an Orc and a Halfling sat facing straight on to camera as if talking to you directly.
"Good evening Sports fans. This sure is exciting! the new phenomenon of the RSL league is finally upon us. The news is in and we have more information on out secret new team, but this isn't the time. I'm Porky Butterscotch" the halfling started, smiling widely and adjusting his tie.
"And I am the god that walks upon the earth, the Ultimate Warrior!! We will shower Knowledge and knowing into your feeble word receptors, so as to enlighten you of the line up!!" The Orc Finished, slamming his fists onto the desk.
LAPHTER Lab Rats (Weresquid) - CC Juicers (DocOz3000):
"Indeed warrior, and we have a cracker to start of with, our secret team, the humans known as the CC Juicers, a wild bunch of party animals with everything to prove, we were unable to get a good interview, because they ended up puking on Jack, who refused to carry out the interview." Porky started gently, eyeing up the chocolate fountain off stage.
"this is the truth that you all fear, It is Drunken, weak humans against those unholy, scowling test mice, a match of giant wastes that are regretted by all!! the LAPHTER Lab rats must face and take on the Mighty Juicers!!"
"do you have any Insight into who you think has the advantage here?" Porky asked, scooting his chair closer to the fountain.
"Indeed, I will reward your curiosity with the shear power of the giant that is the Ultimate warrior's insight. I can feel that the Juicers have the advantage, they are more used to their weakness, but the Lab Rats may be suffering more for abuse of the unfamiliar!!"
"great insight!" Porky agreed, nearly off screen, still believing he was being sneaky
Pitt Klan outcasts (shaunuthun) - Scarrert Drivers (Cerumol):
"Now we have the second match lined up today! We have the brawn no brain drivers wrestling with the Pitt Outcasts, both fighting to prove they have what it takes!"
"This is the heavenly truth of justice Porky! we have the strong Chaos Going against the brain of the Ratmen, and I think we will see that in Blood bowl as in life the gods that walk among you will agree on this, that the rats will go home having proved brawn makes the male!" Warrior bellowed
"I most certainly agree" Porky said half heatedly as he sprinted from his chair and dove headfirst into the fountain, gorging himself.
The Sandy Stormers (Jordionboy)- Stitches & Splinters (Smakapotomus):
"Yes." Warrior agreed for once caught a little out of stride, but recovered almost instantly. "we will have the same story in a more cut and dry way here, we have the Khemeri Stormers Clashing epically with the Undead Stiches. we have brawn vs brain, but the Khemeri will fail when they have to rely upon the ball, their brawn will not stop the ball, though they will smash the Undead in their weaker faces!" The Warrior explained before Porky returned, fully coated in gently hardening chocolate.
The Wrandom Wrestlers (Ren Höek) - Twillight, NOT!! (Tanabriel):
"Oh dear, oh dear!" Porky panicked as the chocolate began to harden too much.
Warrior continued in his stride, not even pausing as he continued. "This is to be a clash of the ages. the bones of many will rattle this day, if Huk Kogan had not been so afraid of the powah that is the ultimate warrior he would have destroyed these Undead, but i think he is going down into the pits of damnation alone! The Twilight not will rip the Wrestlers of the WWBB apart!" warrior stated, bitterly, probably not giving a fair assessment.
The Count of Monty Python (Gorgrael) - Caledor Harlequins (Arthur Wynne):
The now frozen porky eventually had some tech goblins leave their posts to help free him, head first. Not wanting to loose his job he continued on "Next we have the more unfit vampires of the Count of Monty Python, they have less to gain here and are playing because they want their magic box back. I think this gives the sprier more desperate Caledore Harlequins a huge advantage, though we'll have to see if that's enough!" Porky said warmly, trying to seem normal, despite his embarrassment.
General Scale's Finest (CourierDan) - Orc justice (Tencoin):
"Moving on we have the might and fury of the General Scales smashing down on the backs of the Orc Justice. But i have no fear or doubts, the Gods themselves rain appreciation upon the cold powerful hands of Orcs! The justice will win through!" Warrior barked happily, grinning widely
Gobbo's of Foozball (Richdaweasel) - Glade oaks (Tector):
"last but not least we have last year's winners the Glade Oaks against the Gobbo's of Foozball. This match could go ether way for the sneaky goblins but the Glades have already won this team last season to come first, so this could destroy the goblins early on. I wish them luck, they will need it." Pork said calmly as he streaked, glad to be free of the chocolate finally before sitting back down.
"We will have to see which side the coin of fate desired to fall for each of these almighty teams looking for their glorious moment!" warrior admitted. "We will open our eyes and see the glory of the first match now!" he continued as the camera faded, ready for the first game of the day.
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Post by jordionboy on Jan 6, 2016 23:53:47 GMT
MD2 rolls wends 2 December 11.59pm GMT, please play by then. For BBM replays the section is Random Skill League (S2) Password: 123 General Scales' Finest (CourierDan) Vs The Wrandom Wrestlers (Ren Höek)
"You have returned to the Bloodbath of the RSL! The first Batch of brawls have ended and we have the results of the warriors out there pretending they are anywhere near the warrior's level!!" the warrior yelled as the Crystal ball displayed the Cheaper Desk that Housed Porky and The Ultimate Warrior, hosts of the RSL.
"Correct warrior, that first match was really something, the Orc Justice was smashed but " Porky elaborated as the warrior frowned, he felt it unjust. "we got an interview with the mvp Wreninati, the skink who managed to score." he continued as on the back wall the interview was projected so the two commentators could turn to watch.
"Awrite wreninati, weel dain oan yer gam, hoo diz it feel tae be uir mvp?" Lucky asked, holding his microphone to the skink, from this it was clear he was even smaller than a halfling.
"Siizx! zllier kliix Szis" he let out chirpily, a grin as wide as a mile on his snout but it seemed the general didn't approve of the show boating, and the skink's face fell quickly. as the Subtitles appeared on the screen. "great, i destroyed those orcs, they couldn't get close" it said, taking a little liberty with the exact meaning.
"sixx, ki" he said, correcting himself a bit more seriously, but fear clear in his eyes. "w-well really it was the saurus, they did the work" he said, trying to force a smile, glancing back at the coach.
"very good, we congratulate the two teams." Porky smiled, turning back to the camera.
"the Lizards destroyed the Weak Orc Justice, HUK KOGAN!! their next roadblock will fall just as easily as he lacks the strength of a warrior!" Warrior interrupted smiling slightly.
"Perhaps so." Porky mused gently, he didn't envy the Orcs.
The Count of Monty Python (Gorgrael) Vs LAPHTER Lab Rats (Weresquid)
"the next match, is a slobberknocker, it will please the lovers of blood! the Drugged team of the LAPHTER will face the Count of Monty Python!" warrior bellowed.
Porky brightened up quickly, picking up a bun off the tray that had been put in front of him. "yeph! un -gulp- this could be interesting since the Lab Rat's lost their last match against the Juicers, howe -nom- fur, da cond loft a famper in hif madch wid da -gulp- Caledor Harlequins" Porky mumbled through a couple of buns.
The warrior held back a sigh but continued "Indeed! it is the fate of those who mess with powers they cannot understand! it was the worst defeat last round! We have sent the tiny, weak jack to talk to the mvp of the Rat's the giant among rats. the only one with the power to do anything useful!" Warrior barked as the interview began to play on the screen.
Jack was on a stool, balanced on a chair which was on a bleacher to talk to the rat ogre. "Sae, experimental steroids hoo dae ye feel abit yer chances next gam?" Jack asked the shaking rat ogre.
"I NEED MY FIX!!!!" he bellowed in a high pitched whiny voice sounding like a 15 year old boy. "i-i need it, coach wo-houldn't let us have anything without a vict-hory!" he whined, his voice cracking a few times.
"Och aye, but abit th' gam?" he quizzed, but it was too late, the rat ogre had started wailing and sobbing about needing his fix. Jack looked confused for a little but the interview had finished so the studio was switched back to.
The Sandy Stormers (Jordionboy) Vs Gobbo's of Foozball (Richdaweasel)
"the next game on the list is between The Sandy Stompers and The Gobbo's of Foozball" Porky started. "the Stompers were dedicated in their last game but lost to the Stitches and splinters, the Gobbo's however are reported to have got very drunk with the Juicers after the human's game was won and missed their own game" The halfling continued.
"I was also a guest at the party, the heavens were blessed and one of the cheerleaders was gifted with a visit from and a ride on the Ultimate Warrior!" Warrior grinned happily, much to Porky's disgust. "but this means we do not know who is more likely to get their desired victory, who will the gods smile down on?!" warrior continued
"Indeed, one of the Stompers was almost beyond repair after their match, we have an interview with him now." Porky quickly said, trying to avoid warrior getting any ideas to talk more about his night.
The screen faded to Jack talking with a skeleton, none of his bones were broken, but he was in a sling for hea arm and had a crutch. as well as some head bandaging. "Sae, moe-zis hoo did ye feel abit yer lest gam?" Jack started
The skeleton sniffled. "oah, it waz aweful, dey waz ev'rywhare. I cudn' excape. I waz Dyein owd der. i cud see a brigh' ligh'. I saw my auwt maybewl." He groaned in his nasal whine. a voice in the distance shouted angrily. "He just F***ing fell over!" but the skeleton repeated "it waz aweful"
"Okay, thenk ye moe, back tae th' studio." Jack said into his mic as the picture faded out.
Glade oaks (Tector) Vs Pitt Klan outcasts (shaunuthun)
"alright then, good interview." Porky smiled, a little forced as warrior was rubbing his temples. "next we have the Glade oaks against the Pitt Klan. as said before the Glade oaks had no match thanks to the drunk goblins, but got a good win given from the League because of it. How do you think they will do against the Pitt Klan, who despite expectations managed to win their last game?" the halfling asked
"I would not like to say, the wave of destruction running through this league could hit ether team, they should prepare for a storm!" warrior barked. "we sent the puny jack to interview a rat." he continued as the screen faded.
"Aam haur wi' defectife grnt model, hoo dae ye feel abit yer chances against th' champs ay th' lest league?" Jack asked the linerat in human clothing.
"we will kill them like all above worlders!- I mean, we will defeat them the way a human would, with strategy, they may be agile, but we are more violent!" the rat corrected himself, glancing around as if waiting for something to fly out and cut his head off, but he settled again quickly.
Jack seem satisfied and the screen faded out.
Caledor Harlequins (Arthur Wynne) Vs Scarrert Drivers (Cerumol)
"good, good stuff." porky smiled, his face covered in cream, custard and the occasional bit of jam. "Moving along it's the Vampire Killing Harlequins against the Scarrert drivers." Porky smiled.
"The Warrior doubted the Elves but their strength speaks for itself, they have the Support of the God that walks in orkan Skin!" Warrior agreed.
"Jack has interviewed the vampire killer himself." Porky continued wiping a bit of cream of his face and licking it clean, leaving a small clear spot on his otherwise filthy face.
"Kendrethion is haur wi' us the-day, th' vampire killer, hoo did ye manage thes stoatin feat?" Jack asked, almost excited himself.
the elf looked around "well, I certainly didn't totally stab him with a silver skate, that would totally be cheating!" he protested.
"Och aye but hoo did ye?" he asked again, a little suspicious.
"like, with the power of teamwork Alright!" The elf barked.
Jack was shocked and lifted his mic to his mouth, shaking a little. "Back tae th' studio." he managed before fleeing.
CC Juicers (DocOz3000) Vs Orc justice (Tencoin)
The warrior laughed. "the power of teamwork, never has the Warrior laughed harder. next is the Match between the less amazing Orc justice and the blessed Juicers!" Warrior continued
Porky agreed, not wanting The warrior to talk about the party again. "we have Jack with one of the Juicers."
Jack was stood next to a human catcher dressed only in his helmet, gloves, cleets and a pair of heart covered black boxers who was on his back, drinking a brew sprawled across a bleacher. "Mr Hans Rainer, hoo did ye manage tae beat th' lab rats sae handily?" Jack asked.
The human burbled for a moment before being sick on the small creature interviewing him, then going back to his drinking.
"Och, Ah hate humans." Jack grumbled, before wandering off.
Twillight, NOT!! (Tanabriel) Vs Stitches & Splinters (Smakapotomus)
"well . . . that was something" Porky admitted softly, blinking a few times. then turning back to the camera. His face had been cleaned during the interview it seemed. "we have some bad news however, the Stitches and splinters will be playing a new team drafted in. called "Tryhard mode activated, we will keep you up to date as more about the team is known."
There was a moment of silence and Porky decided it was best he continue rather than the warrior. "we have got tragic news, the Twilight NOT!!! have been found after missing their last game. they were coated in glitter and nailed to trees with silver knives. they were found by the Fans of the controversial tomb "twilight" and ripped apart by the rabid fans. this is a sad day in bloodbowl history . . . because we didn't have someone there to film it." Porky continued.
"this is all for now, tune in for more as the day goes onwards!" Warrior barked after the moment of silence for the missing footage.
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Post by jordionboy on Jan 6, 2016 23:54:34 GMT
MD3 rolls wends 9 December 11.59pm GMT, please play by then. For BBM replays the section is Random Skill League (S2) Password: 123
"A tremendous game!" Porky let out, his excitement brewing as the logo began to fade. he was on the desk, clutching at his microphone like it was an amusingly shaped piece of pie, the look on his face rarely appearing without some kind of baked good.
The warrior nodded. "Many have proven their worth as warriors! and the ground quakes beneath them!" he bellowed, slamming his arms down on the bench.
"however the weak was laced with tragedy, the Rsl was delayed for a little as we looked for a new interviewer, Lucky jack was finally caught by the Orc justice and burned at the stake" Porky said sadly
"I Roasted marshmallows upon the flames! I never liked Jack, he spoke funny!" Warrior bellowed
"hmmm" Porky pondered the marshmallows before brightening up. "however we found a willing and skilled interviewer, and finally got that interview with the new dark elf team Tryhard mode activated." porky smiled as the screen changer to a human with what might be described as a suit, if you were generous, with red hair he had slicked back.
"I are being here's with these captain off Tryhard. Mishter Major Woulding you bees saying the league joining for?" He asked with a large smile, holding the mike out for the dark elf, who looked like he could taste the scruffy looking human.
"we joined for the Violence, the Navy wouldn't let us kill anything we wanted. so we quit and came here. Bloodbowl's much more fun! Plus all the gold you can eat!" he smiled, eyes wide and excited, like a little beastman getting his first sword at Killmas
" 'n hows doing you thinks youse willing be expecting to due?" The interviewer asked.
"My boys have killed much bigger threats than these lubbers, they will have no chance!"
"Overs to be the studyo!" the marauder smiled as the screen faded back.
LAPHTER Lab Rats (Weresquid) vs Scarrert Drivers (Cerumol)
"I'm sure everyone will agree that they are a team to watch out for." Porky smiled as the studio came back into view. "that was our New interviewer V. Manny Killed." He continued.
"we now have our first clash! between the power of the Scarrert drivers and The LAPHTER, The Scarrert didn't manage to get their game played due to an incident with the Harlequins, they were frowned on by the heavens. but we sent Manny to interview them about how they feel going against the rage of the Lab rats!"
"is Manny heres, withs Sprangys antler" The interviewer beamed, holding out the microphone to the beastman. "howing be feel you about these last game?" he asked.
"KIIIIIIILL!" he bellowed glaring around for anyone wearing a bloodbowl uniform not of his own colour.
Manny smiled affectionately, he had once kept a rather less intelligent beastman as a pet and had a love of the species. "do youing fears your nexter apponent?" the drunkard slurred lightly, trying to drink from his microphone for a moment before realising his mistake and drinking from his other bottle.
"Umm, what fear?" the beast man asked softly after pondering for a moment.
Manny nodded downing his bottle. "interestings, Overing toos you porky"
CC Juicers (DocOz3000) vs Stitches & Splinters (Smakapotomus)
"Thank you Manny, we have next the match off of the CC juicers and the Stitches and Splinters, both teams are good, and only the CC juicers have not won a match, coming in at a draw last round. we sent Manny over to talk to the Stitches" porky smiled.
"we are having Werewoof Dilligaf" Manny started, before retrieving a large axe handle from a bag at his side. "dilli, fetch the stick!" The marauder ordered playfully, launching the stick down the field. something within the Werewolf snapped and he launched off after the chunk of wood barking. the camera followed the werewolf for a few moments, but when he picked up the stick her ran off the other way, out of the arena. the camera turned to manny, who was still waiting patiently.
after around five minutes Manny turned to the camera, now half way through another bottle of sickly looking brown liquid, some kind of alcohol is seemed by the fumes it gave off. "he's nots coming back is his?" Manny asked, and the camera shook as if to say no. "ah" he sighed as it faded again.
Pitt Klan outcasts (shaunuthun) vs Tryhard mode activated (Squiggy McSquigginton)
The warrior had his head in his hands and even porky looked a little surprised. "umm, well, that's that I suppose."
"Why must the warrior endure this?!" the orc asked pleading the heavens.
"well, next we have the Outcasts, who actually managed to beat the last season champions. and the brave tryhard mode, who have thus far lost their first game against the stitches. we sent manny to talk to the outcasts." porky continued
"Welcome backer, we haves with us the brave Makan Cheese. Mr. cheese, howin do you thinker these will infect your farther games?" He asked the thrower, seemingly oblivious to the fact it was a rat in man's clothing.
"we will strike fear into our opponents, none can stop us!" the rat cackled.
"thanking youse, do you've anythings to saying to the viewers?" Manny asked, taking a swig.
"THE RATMEN WILL DESTROY!! mphmum!" the thrower was interrupted quickly by three of his team mates tackling him to keep the rat quiet.
"backer too the studyo" manny said, not breaking stride, not even seeming to notice
The Sandy Stormers (Jordionboy) vs Caledor Harlequins (Arthur Wynne)
The warrior had mostly recovered by was still not that chatty so porky took over.
"we have now the Sandy stormers vs the Caledor Harlequins. It seems the Harlequins were unable to make it to the match, their coach was taking to team to the match, but suddenly amazingly the entire wagon exploded, luckily no-one was hurt, but they were late to the game, by nearly 4 hours and so were unable to play. it was suspected there was foul play, but no-one on the Scarrert is believed to have been smart enough to rig it so the League is baffled." He explained
Wrandom Wrestlers (Ren Höek) vs Orc justice (Tencoin)
this was what got the Warrior back on form. "both teams got a draw last round and this is what you were all praying for, the Best team in the league will square off against and destroy HUK KOGAN! show him the power of REAL orcs!!" he warrior bellowed, getting too worked up.
"in . . .deed, we had sent Jack to do this interview after the game, but they caught his and sacrificed him as a witch for luck in their next game, we have with us jacks last words though." Porky read and lifted a piece of paper and cleared his throat. "Och, eet baaaaarns, baaaarns!!" he read, before putting the paper down again.
General Scales' Finest (CourierDan) vs Gobbo's of Foozball (Richdaweasel)
"shocking stuff" porky mumbled.
"Yes, and then we well descend upon the glory that will be the next bloodbath, the Lizards of general scales against the Gobbos"
"indeed, and there was a strange controversy last game, it seems that is has been found that there was traces of players having been drugged. the Gobbos fanatic was drunk as a mare and knocked himself out against a troll, the trolls spent most of the game napping that the Khemeri team could barely punch straight and stumbled from even goblins tackling them. it is unknown if this is because of outside sources that messed with both teams or the trolls were so stupid they ate the poison with the khemeri, however because of this uncertainty the game has been allowed to be counted." Porky explained
The Count of Monty Python (Gorgrael) vs Glade oaks (Tector)
"this match will be a good one, the Powerful glade oaks against the Count, who's reluctance to play seems to be making his team have some troubles, much to their coaches disappointment.
"we have sent the fool Manny to talk to them about their match!" warrior bellowed.
"So, whater are you are plans to the resting of the games Mr. eggs payrot?" Manny asked, gulping loudly from his bottle.
"it's ex-Parrot" the thrall corrected.
Manny nodded. "what areing use plans?" he asked again.
"I miss count get on with it . . ." the Thrall mourned his master.
Manny just nodded. "What's a crybabies." he mumbled walking away, he was bored now.
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Post by jordionboy on Jan 6, 2016 23:55:15 GMT
MD4 rolls Thurs 17 December 7:00am GMT, please play by then. For BBM replays the section is Random Skill League (S2) Password: 123 "Day four has started, we can see that all the teams are holding strong, no-one dead or missing from the last couple days." Porky started. facing the camera and beaming, several kinds of custard both around his face and down his shirt.
"It has shown real power, as normal men have but dreamed!" Warrior bellowed, making sure no-one forgot he was there.
Wrandom Wrestlers (Ren Höek) Vs LAPHTER Lab Rats (Weresquid):
"HUK KOGAN'S FORCES WERE DESTROYED! the orc justice have shown their superiority! the Bash orcs are superior to HUK KOGAN's Desperate attempts to play the ball!!" Warrior bellowed, flexing heavily over his head as he yelled.
"we sent someone down to talk to Hulk, who was the only guy able to do anything useful it seems." Porky continued, attacking an eclair once he had finished speaking. the camera fading out to the pitchside again.
"I are beings her with Hulk Kogan, hulk, how does you feels about you're as some mat sey humiliatings loss?" Manny asked, holding out his beer bottle like a mic for several seconds, then realising an holding out the microphone.
"It waz all Andre'z falt, if 'e wont so stupid we wud 'ave wun. I bet dat cowad In da box said dat, all mah boyz iz brava den 'im no matta da score." Hulk said sternly, folding his arms.
The Sandy Stormers (Jordionboy) Vs The Count of Monty Python (Gorgrael):
"WARRIOR WILL ZOGGING KILL HUK KOGAN!!!" the Ork bellowed, flipping the heavy desk, destroying Porky's Sandwich in the process before storming off
"good night sweet prince" the Halfling mumbled, crouching by the crushed sandwich, tears in his eyes. IT took several seconds for the halfling to look up. "the next match was between The Count of Monty Python and the Sandy Stormers, neither of whom have won a match, but that still won't bring Gerald back." the halfling sobbed
Pitt Klan outcasts (shaunuthun) Vs General Scales' Finest (CourierDan):
Manny was stood on the field. "we are being sorry for these Inderfrences, Porky will be back sooner. For nows were are her with one of these teams for thereing next match, the Generaled scaleses fining. her wis me is Tim Thissen. Tim ho does you feel aboat the metches?" The drunk asked with that inane grin on his face.
The Lizard pondered for a moment, saurus weren't very bright. "tixxess, sxerve, kixlzzer zee" the lizard admitted as the subtitles popped up. "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, fiddle, dee, dee"
of course, this was followed by loud banging from behind the screen as the image froze. before "we are sorry about the subtitles, the person responsible -Blood bowl is the worst sport ever, suck it porky, you fat ********- has been beaten up, tied in a bag and thrown out a window" appeared on screen.
There was a short pause before more banging and then "were are sorry once more for the subtitles, the person respectable for explaining what we did the the first man responsible has also been beaten up and thrown in a bag, then tossed out a window. bum." appeared on screen. this time nothing was done about it and the camera crew just hoped no-one noticed.
CC Juicers (DocOz3000) Vs Gobbo's of Foozball (Richdaweasel):
When the camera came back on it was to a scene of chaos, well comparatively not, but chaos to a normal person. There was an assortment of teams, an undead, a bunch of goblins, some partying humans and one dead, but not undead guy who they seemed to have forgotten to move after the game.
Manny was downing a kegg, and in the back ground was a grey blob with small brown lump, it was hard to make out exactly what was going on through the censoring, though there was a lot of squeaking and howling.
the drunk reporter eventually finished and set of to find someone to interview, he nearly tripped over a zombie and what looked to be a blitzer making out, but recovered fairly quickly and managed to find a pogoer half inside a kegg. after lifting the goblin out it burped and stared at the marauder like he was a fish sat on a unicycle juggling bottles. the reporter left the goblin alone and began his search again. once he passed the blitzer doing something rude with a beer bottle he gave up, walking passed the unconscious troll again.
"light weighting" he mumbled at the barely conscious party goers.
Orc justice (Tencoin) Vs Stitches & Splinters (Smakapotomus):
Finally it cut to the studio again with porky finally having another sandwich and behind the desk, though there was a small gravestone on the desk with a sandwich chiseled into it. "welcome back folks, while we move Manny to the next interview we have brought in with us Uegva, the guy who managed to score against the Wrandom Wrestlers. Uegva, is Hulk really as macho as everyone claims?" the halfling asked, starstruck.
Uegva looked uncomfortable, and put a vase on the desk. "we burn'd your wi'ch" he mumbled "but i faut you want'd me for an intavew?" he asked, a little confused as to why he was being asked about hulk.
"yeah, but was he awesome and manly?" porky asked, leaning over.
"well. . . . w'en 'e came on 'e waz wearing a chainmail vest, w'ich 'e den tore off like it waz nuffin" The orc admitted, shifting uncomfortably, it had been quite a sight, a few female orcs had nearly fainted.
Scarrert Drivers (Cerumol) Vs Glade oaks (Tector):
"interesting, thank you Uegva. now next is the Match between the Glade oaks and the Scarrert, Manny is there with the glade oaks now." porky smiled, turning away from the orc as the screen faded and the orc sulked off.
"I ams hearing with Hirhain, who scoreds 2 toochdawns alones so he claimeds" manny smiled, holding the mic out to an elf who was coughing and spluttering into a handkerchief from the smell of the interviewer.
"it's not a claim, i don't need anyone in my team! i'm the star!" the elf grumbled, he looked extremely uncomfortable, his eyes filled with disgust.
"and howing" manny started before he was interrupted.
"no i can't do this you horrible, loathsome, filthy creature, go away." the elf barked, storming off. Manny remained smiling though
"overs to the stydio" he said calmly as it faded back to Porky, who was eating a large meat pie.
Tryhard mode activated (Squiggy McSquigginton) Vs Caledor Harlequins (Arthur Wynne):
"-om- dif if de -nom,nom- laft -gulp,om,nom- mash, efffs furf effs." the halfling mumbled, spitting rums everywhere as the screen switched to Manny stood with a tall dark elf.
"soing, Corpserail Pushiment" he started, unable to pronounce ether part of the elfs name. "your being one of the worstest teams ins there league, up theres wiss the Khemri and those vampheres, do you thinks youer still goting a chonce?" he asked smiling dozily.
The elf glared at the marauder, the evil stare going on for nearly a minute with manny not even noticing, eventually the elf sighed. "stupid thing, yes we've still got a chance you ******* stupid *******, we ******* invented Skill, we'll smash the other ******* ******* faces in!" he yelled angrily, before going to back hand the reporter, who stumbled back, the hit barely missing him. the Elf was clearly surprised, he couldn't tell whether it was a fluke or if Manny was just very agile, it did surprise him sufficiently he didn't try again.
"back to the stydio" Manny smiled, as the elf tried to get the horrible sticky feeling off his hand, to no avail.
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Post by jordionboy on Jan 6, 2016 23:57:52 GMT
MD5 rolls Wednesday Dec, 23rd, 23:59 GMT Please play by then. For BBM replays the section is Random Skill League (S2) Password: 123 Blood bowl channel two is sorry for the inconvenience, our imps have gone on strike, they demand a rise, but don't worry, we're working on beating them into their places again, we should be back MD6. The teams will still be playing however here is the schedule:Pitt Klan outcasts (shaunuthun) Vs LAPHTER Lab Rats (Weresquid)
CC Juicers (DocOz3000) Vs The Sandy Stormers (Jordionboy)
Wrandom Wrestlers (Ren Höek) Vs Scarrert Drivers (Cerumol)
Stitches & Splinters (Smakapotomus) Vs The Count of Monty Python (Gorgrael)
Tryhard mode activated (Squiggy McSquigginton) Vs General Scales' Finest (CourierDan)
Caledor Harlequins (Arthur Wynne)Vs Gobbo's of Foozball (Richdaweasel)
Orc justice (Tencoin) Vs Glade oaks (Tector) MD6 rolls Wednesday January 6th, 23:59 GMT Please play by then. For BBM replays the section is Random Skill League (S2) Password: 123
A rather nervous goblin was booted on screen followed by a large ogre in a bloodbowl official uniform. the oger placed his hands authoritatively onto the goblin's shoulders and scowled "wreed" he grumbled as the goblin nodded, holding out a piece of tattered paper.
"we goblinz iz sorry for da delay and tru'ble we 'az coz'd we waz wron' ta try get un raize. we won' do i' ag'n" he mumbled. the ogre kept hold of him for several seconds, with a distinct wet patch running down the goblin's trousers.
"guh, you can go." the ogre finally agreed, letting go of the goblin, who fled as fast as he could go. the camera faded out and back to the desk of Warrior and Porky, with the halfling taking a nap, with a finger jammed stupidly up his nose
LAPHTER Lab Rats (Weresquid) vs Orc justice (Tencoin):
"It was an amazing couple of days of matches!" warrior bellowed, his halfling co-commentator yelping in surprise his chair falling back into the floor loudly.
"yesterday the teams made an amazing spectacle, the likes of which human's rarely see, the ultimate expression of orc superiority the Orc Justice won another match, crushing last league's winners the Glade Oaks under their mighty fists. The Ultimate Warrior salutes you!!" warrior continued not breaking stride. "the pathetic Manny is on the scene!"
Manny was smiling inanely, as usual, it seemed nothing could take that smile away. "i ams hereing weth there Mork. . . morlck . . .morio . . . a bloke ork" manny eventually gave up trying to pronounce the orks name, each attempt sounding more like he was trying to tie his tongue in a bow than the last. "mr ork howing are you feels about the amakzing match, two ingerings and even a dead trees!" the feat amazed manny, that was quite astounding for a single match.
The ork blinked a few times. "well, ugh, dey call me fat. me not fat, it muzzle. so i show dem by hitting, dey not get up after." he said deliberately, tapping his forehead in an attempted aid to thinking.
"welling, there it is, not to be calling an ork fat or am you gets punched!" manny beamed, the ork looking over to the camera as manny turned to face it.
"hi mum" the orc chittered childishly, waving as the camera faded.
Caledor Harlequins (Arthur Wynne) vs Glade oaks (Tector)
Porky was sat back in his chair holding an ice pack to a rather large lump on his head, wincing every so often. "thank you manny, we now have the second matches results.
"Though the Harlequins and Gobbo's never played, due to both teams pulling a "sickie" and pretending they had been poisoned to draw their match." porky started.
Warrior interrupted though. "weren't they both throwing up purple, the purple of death lilly poisoning?"
"so?! they should have played! regardless we got an interview with the glade oaks instead." porky said smuggly, wincing again from his head pain.
The camera switched to manny, stood next to an elf war dancer weeping into their hands. "where here wath zeb-ear, one off these elves who's played there ork justices." manny explained as the elf wailed
"i-it, it was horrible, they were like monsters, they ripped through us like tissue paper." the traumatised elf grabbed manny's suit and shook hard. "do you know what it's like to have an entire team of those monsters on you alone?! the only man in their way!" the elf wailed, trying to let go of manny's suit, but only managing on a third, very hard yank, strands of sticky goo, not unlike sap trailing off the elfs fingers as she pulled away from the reporter.
"withings thet, baker to the studioh" manny smiled.
Tryhard mode activated (Squiggy McSquigginton) vs Gobbo's of Foozball (Richdaweasel)
As the camera cut back porky was throwing up and even the warrior had a look on his face that could possibly only be recreated if you let an egg rot for three thousand years, expose it to warpstone until it hatched then showed someone that abomination.
"The warrior is not sure the warrior can stomach that." he grumbled, pulling out a large bottle of Rummy Jack's Troll Spit and taking a large sip, there was a noticeable change in he orc as the almost crippling amount of alcohol rushed into his system, his eyes crossed and he fell limp, slouching in his chair for several seconds before pulling upright. " 'n noa an interfiew wid meny" the orc grunted, trying to sit up. tackleing an entire shot of troll spit was not suggested unless you had a deathwish.
"i ams with here these tryhird modes meth eel. meth, you kills a sking?" manny asked the elf, who was grinning like it had just got the cream.
"you're damn F***ing right i did, punch the limp wristed M********er in the F***ing face. then i F***ed his **** in the *** with ******* and **** then *** with a Nuffle damned cow" the elf smiled, making hand gestures that were also censored inducing one of his grabbing his wrist and wiggling his fingers.
"thanking you meth" manny said calmly, barely even fazed by the swearing, it was hard to tell if he had noticed it even.
Stitches & Splinters (Smakapotomus) vs General Scales' Finest (CourierDan)
the broadcast cut off here for a while, with a sign saying "seeking medical help" for which host was unclear though.
It was nearly an hour before the broadcast resumed but when it did both hosts were gone and in their place was a terrifying bearded Beastman, his eyes looked like they could stare into your soul every child could recognise the figure, Krampus claws. beside him was a troll with a blond wig in a pink tutu and sparkly wings on his back. This was a figure mostly known to green skins but some were familiar with, the Honorka fairy.
"welcome boys and girls to the Khornemas bloodbowl special. Have you been naughty or nice?" the beastman spoke in an ancient, horrible voice, a voice that could make mountains fall into hysterical, fearful sobbing.
the troll waved a wooden branch with a metal star on the end as sparkly subtitles appeared, they read. "Indeed, our next results are the frankly super showing of the Stitches and splinters against the Counts of Monty python."
"we sent the nice manny down to talk to one of the splinters, and chose the one who had pleased the blood god most, by killing a boy who had been very naughty"
"we are being heres with bjorn, mr nakid how do you feel about your last match?" manny asked. The werewolf was clutching his nose and his eyes were watering, one could only imagine how bad he must feel being so close to manny.
"was good." he managed, trying not to gag. it wasn't going well though. the werewolf tried to give a thumbs up but gagged again, clutching his hand to his mouth. after a moment though it was too much and the wolf fled to the bathrooms.
"well, thet is being stanger." manny mumbled as the camera switched again.
Scarrert Drivers (Cerumol) vs The Count of Monty Python (Gorgrael)
"thank you many, the blood god will reward you with that killdozer you desire. this is the arrangement" krampus growled in his deep earth cracking voice.
The honorka fairy nodded, more subtitles apparing as he made tinkling noices, like a little bell. "indeed, we have the Scarret Drivers and the Wrandom Wrestlers. both very skilled teams but they missed their match, apparently spent it arguing over who's holiday was better, that's not in the Honorka or Khornemas spirit."
"Indeed, however since it is Khornemas we have agreed not to hold this against the teams." Krampus agreed. "we sent manny to interview the naughty thrall that was killed from the count's team for the viewers."
manny was stood next to a decaying thrall, who was picking his nose. "we are beings here wid there thrall that were killer by bjorn, mr boy, howing are be dead?"
The zombie shrugged, his arm falling off. "well, it, it's okay i suppose, bit of a drag being dea' an all tha' but frankly it's nice to get the air on my bones you know wa' i'm sayin'? co'rse you do, co'rse you do." the zombie said quite chirpy.
"well, iting looks quate painsfall. ander aren't you stiff from rikormorties?" manny asked.
"well, 's betta than a poke in'e eye. it's nice t'be aat an 'baat." the zombie said cheerfully.
"canting get layed." manny said thoughfully
this seemed to be the straw the the zombie and he slouched dejectedly. "oh yeah, i s'pose it is a bit shite innit . . . bugger." he mumbled shuffling away slowly after picking his arm back up.
"well, bask to there studioh" manny said, grinning again.
CC Juicers (DocOz3000) vs Wrandom Wrestlers (Ren Höek)
"well, wasn't that nice? now we have the results of those dashing khemeri and those very entertaining and handsome CC juicers. we missed this last weak but the Stormers actually got a win on match day four. though it was assumed their tomb guard was dead, which got the coach in a lot of trouble until they got it sorted out." the troll fairy smiled.
"indeed, they killed the coach, and turned him into a skeleton, until the Fair-oh came back. but by then it was too late. when they finally went against the Juicers even their two new throw-ra's were no help and they lost again. an old injury of the coaches having reared up in his first game. they lost 4-0 in the end, quite a shameful showing." Krampus said simply.
Pitt Klan outcasts (shaunuthun) vs The Sandy Stormers (Jordionboy)
"last we had the two skaven teams getting very competitive, it was close, but their coach had done it again and the Pitt klan have won another match, 2-0. nuffle seemes to be really smiling on them." the troll tinkled, seemly unable to make any noises but the tinkling.
"The blood god would surely love a match between the Juicers and the Pitt clan, both teams are destroying their competition. to talk to someone from the outcasts we sent manny as usual." Krampus continued
Manny was adjusting his shirt lightly then turned to the rat he had with him. "mr Korky, doer youse thinking yours team willer continues to be rivalling the juicers?" manny asked warmly
the tallish rat smiled, adjusting his waistcoat. "of course, we play the human way as the juicers do, we are the only teams with the skills required for such a brutal game." the rat said poshly, rolling his r's quite eloquently.
"thanks your time for." manny smiled.
"no problem dear boy." the rat grinned, almost maliciously.
The camera switched back, to a large weapon rack, with tinsel round it and a small fake blood covered shrub with a decapitated head figurine atop it, below which were some boxes wrapped up in fancy coloured paper.
"a thank you from everyone at blood bowl channel 2 for your support this year. and hopefully for many more as we bring you the best bloodbowl entertainment not good enough for channel one." krampus read as fake snow rained over the set." and finally we wish you a Merry Khornemas and a Happy Honorka
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Post by jordionboy on Jan 7, 2016 0:02:30 GMT
«Morning, Quen' !» Quenethien smiles despite herself, as she takes a seat next to her friend of many years. Even in traction on a hospital bed, Lyfalien's cheer is irrepressible - and contagious. «It's good to see that you're getting along so well.» «Never felt better. How is everyone?» «Pretty psyched that we're doing so well in the league. We're in fourth place now, going on first if we win our next two matches. So everyone's putting 110% into training.» Quenethien pauses, frowning. «Just between you and me, I think Nalcarien might be taking it a bit too seriously. He's been sharpening the cleats on his boots and comparing notes with those Tryhard druchii... but, nevermind that. How are you?» «Perfectly fine, I'm just bored. Can't wait to get back on the pitch!» «Ah. Um. That's what I'm here about, actually.» Quenethien suddenly seems very interested in the sight of her shoes, but Lyfalien is undeterred. «You've talked to the apothecary? That's great! So – when can I get out of here?» «Tomorrow, if you like, but – Lyfalien, I don't know how to say this...» Lyfalien's grin freezes on her face. «What?» Quenethien looks up again, no longer smiling. «Your leg is safe to walk on - as recovered as it's going to get. But the knee was totally smashed, it won't ever heal completely. You can still do all the stuff you used to do – dance, perform, somersaults even. But for your own sake... I don't think you should play Blood Bowl anymore.» «That's bullshit! I'm part of the team, and if I'm as fine as you say I can still play! If I want to quit or not, that's up to me!» «I discussed it with the rest of the team. They all agree. If you take a hit like that again -and as much as people get knocked around in Blood Bowl it's just a matter of time- you could get crippled for life. Or it could be your neck that breaks next time. None of us want that, Lyfalien. It's for your own good.» «So... I'm fired?» «No, no, no, of course not! Nobody gets fired from the Harlequins. Especially not you. There's still a spot for you on the team, just... in a less dangerous position.» [Fire player: Catcher #8 Lyfalien (3/6 SPP, Niggling injury, MNG)] [Cheerleaders: 0 => 1]
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Post by jordionboy on Jan 7, 2016 0:04:24 GMT
MD7 rolls Wednesday January 13th, 23:59 GMT Please play by then. For BBM replays the section is Random Skill League (S2) Password: 123 Welcome back to bloodbowl RSL league, match day seven!" The peppy halfling commentator porky started with a huge smile on his face.
"Indeed, this last week has been a show of brute force like no other!" Ultimate warrior agreed "that week off really hit the spot. you should have seen my Honorka dinner, best roast squigg i've ever had!" the orc chuckled, still bellowing like a madman, nether seemed to remember the Khornemas fiasco.
LAPHTER Lab Rats (Weresquid) vs Tryhard mode activated (Squiggy McSquigginton)
"we have another breaking story, the Dark elves in "Tryhard" have managed to grab a win, destroying those foolish gobbos! if there is one kind of elf the Ultimate warrior likes, and there isn't, it's dark elves, bashing like a real orc!" warrior bellowed, he got a real kick out of seeing dodgy teams brought down a peg.
"indeed, we have sent many down to have a talk with one of the elves!" porky agreed, smiling as he began to devour a huge sandwich.
manny as usual was stood with that grin that even corrosive spider venom couldn't remove. " we's are heering with there tryhard again! Mr majer ho does you feeling about yours last metch?" Manny stumbled over his words drunkenly, holding out the microphone, the elf looked disturbed for a moment but decided to speak to this degenerate.
"we have turned this F**king S**t storm around, i have whipped these **** *** ***** maggots into real men, and in private Part's case a real genderless spidermonkey" the major growled, obviously not that pleased with the private.
"intertreeing" Manny agreed as the camera faded out.
Stitches & Splinters (Smakapotomus) vs Caledor Harlequins (Arthur Wynne)
"the next match was between the strong contending elves the Harlequin's and last league's winners the glade's" Porky tarted, looking a little uncomfortable.
warrior watched porky, waiting for something eyes narrowed. "indeed we have our first retirement of the -"
"yeah! Lyfalien has taken the cowards way out and be come a Chewerweeder!" porky spat, jumping up on the table. "the stupid, wussy elf has fled for fear of getting huwt!" the halfling derided.
"unfortunately Porky isn't the only one with this opinion as when the elf first stepped back onto the field for a practice session he was pelted with shoes, fruit and in one case someone threw a halfling. of course porky was in on the action and recorded it, since our boss was there too however this was let go" warrior sighed, for once actually not bellowing, though his voice was still very loud and boisterous
"yeah, we even made the wuss cry!" porky agreed
Scarrert Drivers (Cerumol) vs Orc justice (Tencoin)
"next we have" ultimate started, trying to let the incident go but porky interrupted
"we're not done with the elf, i have footage!" he protested, though ultimate was having none of it and picked up porky by the scruff of his neck and forced him down into his seat.
"the next match was between the Ork justice and the weak lab rats who managed to lose 2-0 to the tough steady orc power! none can stand against it!" warrior bellowed
Porky seemed almost frightened now and agreed "indeed, it was a stunning match, we sent many down to talk to one of the lab rats about their loss.
Manny was stood next to a gutter runner in a neck brace, with a cone attached. "howing are you feels abouting yor last metch remote crontelled?" manny asked, focusing on the rats name so he could manage to say it.
the rat looked quite down. "it hurts, and i want to bite my shoulder but the vet says no. the coach wouldn't even give me my anti depressants. they ummm, make me . . .feel better" the rat grumbled, scratching his shoulder as the shakes were starting to come back. he felt weak as a snotling.
"thanker you! now back to perkeh and Utirate warrerer!" Manny stammered into the mic
CC Juicers (DocOz3000) vs Glade oaks (Tector)
"gotta love a good beatdown match" porky admitted "next up is the match between the juicers and the wrestlers, who actually -" the halfling started before Warrior slammed his fists down onto and through the desk.
"KOOOOOOGAN DID NOT WIN! HIS VICTORY WAS AS HOLLOW AS THE HEAD OF THAT PATHETIC WEEEEEEAKLING! HIS WEAKNESS INFECTS HIS TEAM AND DRAGS THEM DOWN! I WILL DESTROY HIM AND PROVE THIS TO THE WORRRRRLD!" warrior bellowed standing and flexing, he pointed at the camera.
"HUK KOGAN, YOU MAY THINK THAT BECAUSE YOU WERE ONCE THE O(rc).W(restling).C(hampionship). CHAMPION YOU ARE THE BEST! BUT I HOWLD THE TITLE NOW, YOU WILL HAVE TO TAKE IT IN BLOOOOOODBOWL MANIA XXVX. YOU WILL FEEL THE PAIN BROUGHT THE THE WARRIOR'S SMACKDOWN! I AM THE SPIRIT OF THE WARRIOR, FEEEEEEEAR WHAT YOU CANNOT CONTROL!" Warrior continued, threatening the camera and reaching for the heavens before static interrupted the broadcast.
Pitt Klan outcasts (shaunuthun) vs Gobbo's of Foozball (Richdaweasel)
By the time the static had cleared the two commentators were both sat in their chairs and since the desk was in pieces it was clear they were bolted to them. Warrior however was now foaming at the mouth, yelling about hogan.
"next we have the match of the Pitt Klan outcasts against the sandy stomers, as has come to be expected the stormers lost. we sent Manny down to talk to the teams." porky said simply. glancing over to the foaming warrior with terror.
"inneedings. i ams here with the Makin cheeses. cheeses howere you feelsing abouts the mathers?" Manny asked simply.
The thrower blinked a couple times, pondering what he said, he didn't want to blow the cover. "we. have. begun to understand. how . . . the human's play and think, which is, umm, leading to a better, more unified whole!" he smiled, grinning with satisfaction.
"amzerings!" manny agreed. "anythings elses?" he asked.
The rat was caught off guard trying to sneak away. "ummm. well. we, hope for more. quality? matches from those brave enough to, ugh, face us, ummm, the team i mean! the . . .team, umm, our opponents were honorable, but too slow to deal with us i think." the rat nodded softly, before fleeing, under the threat of more questions.
The Sandy Stormers (Jordionboy) vs General Scales' Finest (CourierDan)
"interesting report, the last couple of matches were interesting, the stitches went against general scale's finest and managed to scare, ugh, score, hehehe, a good few points, we sent someone to talk to the teams." porky said simply, with a painted on smile that couldn't look faker if it tried.
manny beamed and held out his microphone to a small skink. "mr blek, how aring youse feel about there match?" he asked
"Xaniis, xcartic, zaan, zimblas, xizas zarr!" the skink chirps. the subtitles popped up as "i hate you, you're stupid and a bad reporter, i miss jack, jack was better. and i scored, twice, let's so you do that you human skum!"
Manny smiled, blinking twice "xim" he said through his teeth. "bites meing" the subtitles read.
Wrandom Wrestlers (Ren Höek) vs The Count of Monty Python (Gorgrael)
"Manny can speak lizardman?" both commentators said in unison, mirroring each others expression.
"umm, alright? well, the last match was another bloodbath, the scarrert drivers smashed the Count into dust." porky said, still very confused.
"yeah, manny's there with them." warrior grumbled, manny could barely speak the common tongue how could he speak any others?
"i ams heres withing jonno bull, jonno, hows areing you feeler about the matches?" manny asked.
"i am to smash vampire! smash thrall! smash ball!" the minotaur bellowed, repeating it's orders so as not to forget them.
"anything to add?" Manny asked.
"smash, ugh, fans!" the minotaur bellowed, not sure what else there was too smash.
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Post by jordionboy on Jan 7, 2016 0:05:08 GMT
Inside a warehouse that had fallen into disrepair by the docks several arguing voices could be heard arguing, growling and hissing at eachother. "Halfling Thing and Orc things and Manny things!" Makan Cheese the defacto leader of the Outcasts. "Trying to blow-reveal our cover!" He yelled towards his fellow Skaven who gave all gave him grunts of aproval all of them dressed in human clothing that was beginning to show ware with rips and dirt patches easy to spot throughout the group. "Korky say we Smash-Stab them at their Studio-Nest!" One of the rats yelled to another chorus of approval. "No Fool-Idiot. We must stay hidden-incognito so we not to gain wrath-anger of the manthings in this city-nest!" Another Skaven voice called back slightly lower in tone but he spoke much faster. "Cheesemong right. We need be quiet-sneaky from now on." Morty one of the few Stormervermins that had remained with the Pitt Klan spoke up. "But if cover blown-discovered. Bigkeeth will murder-kill us." Holston spoke up his voice muffeled but the scarf wrapped tightly round his head leaving only his eyes visable. "Bigkeeth not here. We do whatever we feel-want to do." The Punk Rocker rat retorted his pink Mohawk making him a good couple of inches taller than all but the two Stormervermin in the room. "We Attack-Assault tonight then. We demolish-burn Reporter things Studio-nest!" Makan shouted to the room. "Any problem-traitors?" The Skaven that had been opposed to the idea simply shrugged and began to join into the plans to attack their reporter nemesis. Later that night Makan walked up behind Nhijj who had been scouting the studio of Porky and the Warrior out. "What you see-learn? Any Guard things?" the leader asked his spy. "Yes Ogre things and Troll things. We need steal-snatch the food supply. They fight-kill over food if not fed soon." Nhijj looked up to see Morty and Wanderer on each flank of Makan. "Morty. Steal-Swipe the food of the Guard things. Wanderer take this." He handed the less agile of the stormervermin a small bomb. "When Ogre-things and Troll-things start to fight-riot throw this down sewer-drain. Will let other Skaven know when to attack-strike." Meanwhile in the sewers. "How much longer we wait-sit for?" Punk Rocker whined to Holsten and Korky. "Till we get signalled to move-go. then we Smash-crush the cameragoblin things." Korky whispered over his shoulder putting down the burlap sack filled with their equipment. "Keep it quiet-silent. We get crush-killed if Guard things find us." Holsten hissed at the two. After a few more minutes of waiting in silence the trio of Skaven heard a large crash from above them followed by a deep voice yelling. "YOUZ TROLLS BEEN AT OUR FOOD AGAIN! WE GONNA SMASH UR EADS IN!" "NUHHH FOOD LEFT... DU OGRE TASTE GOOD ROTGUT?" "UR HUR LETS EET EM..." All of this was followed by a scream and the sounds of fighting wich provided the perfect cover for the Stormervermin jump out of the window with a sack full of Steaks. Back down in the sewers the trio of Skaven tried in vain to stifle their laughter at the sounds of Ogres and Trolls attempting to eat eachother. From behind them they heard a bomb go off giving them the signal "Lets go now-fast. Next set of ladders to get into the Studio-Nest." Korky informed his partners whilst chuckling as he heard another crash from above. Climbing up into an empty hallway tearing the carpet that had covered the long forgotten about manhole the three Outcasts looked around checking both ends of the corridor before making their way up to the main broadcast room. "Ok we have small-little amount of time. You hav-" Holsten stopped when he was interrupted by the sound of a large snore coming from under the desk. "Shhh." He snuck closer to the desk to see the source of the snoring. Lying there unconscious and surrounded by wrappers of various foods was the Halfling broadcaster known as Porky. Holsten growled "Halfling thing. Sleeping under Desk-Nest" "No time to kill-snap the Halfling thing. We have to do what we came-ordered to do." Korky reminded his teammate. "How doing Punk?" "Almost done-finished. Need more paint-colours." Punk looked over his Mohawk getting flecks of paint in it as he defaced the studio with several rival team logos and mottos to try and avert attention from the Pitt Klan. "Ok now we burn-destroy the rooms over there." Korky pointed towards a door to the left and pulled a small barrel of oil from their supplies and headed towards it. Before he reached the door it swung open and an Ogre and Troll burst through brawling. "RUN-SCATTER!" Korky screamed dropping his oil and his two compatriots quickly followed him as he sprinted down a hallway. Neither the Ogre nor the Troll seemed to notice the three ratmen to pre occupied in trying to slay the other for a snack. "WHICH WAY WE RUN-FLEE!?" Punk shouted from behind the other two "LEFT!" Korky yelled back and quickly turned the corner to find a Troll sat next to an Ogres body chewing on the things leg. "BACK NOT THIS WAY! TROLL THING!" "OUT HERE! JUMP-FLY!" Holsten yelled from further down the corrider as he shattered a window and began to climb out. The Troll had noticed the three intruders and had began to walk over to them intent on making a meal out of the trio. "FAST-QUICK!" Punk screamed as he threw an empty can of paint at the troll who caught it and stuffed it into his mouth much to the horror of the Rats. Punk didn't even stop to look down as he flung himself out landing on top of his teammates two stories down. As the sounds of fighting continued within the studio the three stole away into the night. "We wasted-ruined that." Korky mumbled "We didn't burn-ruin the studio-nest. But I took-stole this on way out." Punk said as he pulled out a folder with the words 'RSL Teams' on it. "Contain Useful-good information me thinks-hopes." He looked at his allies who gave an approving nod. "Plus Guard things left big mess-trouble for janitor things to clean up." Holsten laughed as did the other two. In good spirts the trio headed back to their base.
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