Post by hdawg on Mar 22, 2016 8:57:50 GMT
Season 1
Greetings Squigs, Elves, and Ogres! Salutations to our most honored of viewers be ye Halfling, Stuntie, or Humie! To our Undeads, Orcs, and scaly Lizards... well, you’re welcome too, I guess. This is Channel-H News and we’re proud to bring you the very first Iron Phoenix Silver Cup playoffs. Want to know if your favorite team has made the cut? Interested in mindboggling Blood Bowl stats and records that would put even the most hyper of forest sprites to sleep? Or are you eager to see the next unfortunate lineman, skink, or peasant have his skull caved in? Well, then you’ve come to the right place. If you want all the best details then just sit back and relax. We’ve done all the work so you can spend more quality time reaping the rewards. So without further adieu, let’s get to it!
We’ll start with our leaderboard and cover what we at the studio have dubbed, the bottom hexad. No there’s no witches hexing players, there’s six names which won’t be appearing in this years playoff magazine. But that won’t stop us from taking a look at their trips through silver seasonal play. So come along with us for a trip down memory lane!
First up, the Gorland Monarchs. Ranking in at 10th place we’ve got some true Brettonian royalty here. You might recall these plucky scrappers from the Copper Cup. They bravely took to the field in silver, despite a gulf in Team Value. They were outclassed by almost a 300 point difference in some cases, but that never made these brave souls turn away from a fight! Sure, they didn’t do so hot overall, but if it’s raw spirit and emotion that counts, they have it in spades.
They began the season with a tight 2-1 loss against the Strikers followed by an injury-heavy 3-1 loss to the Banana Warriors. Their luck turned against the House of Eagles, inflicting more KO’s and injuries than their foes, but the avian team prevailed 2-1. In total they’d be on the receiving end of another 5 losses, and a 1-1 draw against House Zauvirr. True, a win proved elusive to the team this season, but four time MVPer Guy d’Artios literally had to carry his team mates on his back. Several times the Monarchs enlisted the aid of star player, The Mighty Zug, as several peasants, a blitzer, and a blocker were slain or critically injured. They ended the season with a 12-man roster, but with two positionals still unaccounted for. Experts point to a lack of funds holding back this team, because with limited cashflow from losses they were forced to start filling blocker and blitzer positions with untrained peasants. These men are downtrodden, but they stuck it out nine grueling rounds and we doubt we’ve seen the last of these brave souls! To the Monarchs of Gorland, we here at Channel-H salute you!
Next up, House Zauvirr. These Dark Elves slotted in at position 9 on the leaderboard, tied with the Seahawks with a seasonal record of 2-2-5. While their season didn’t turn out the way they wanted it to, they were up against some stiff competition. Their season started off strong with a 2-1 win over the Nailers. They were robbed of their win against the Strikers in the closing seconds of the match as Sir Baller tied it up for a 2-2 finish, but then House Zauvirr was back at it again, triumphing over the Fish Knights 2-1. From here on out the season took a downward turn for our elves in gold and black. They suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of the Supersonic Ducks. The score might have only been 2-1, but the apothecary’s notecard tells a different tale. With 3 KOs, 4 Injuries, and 2 Deaths it’s safe to say that the dark elves never fully recovered from the match. With their ranks devastated and morale low, they struggled on with an equally brutal 2-0 loss to the Carnivore Claws where they never laid hands on the ball all game. The Kaiser Seahawks were just as bad as the Ducks, these avian humies inflicting another 3 KOs, 2 Injuries, and another Death. They managed a draw against the Gorland Monarchs, but this late into the season the House’s fate was sealed. They wouldn’t be making playoffs, but they accounted for themselves well. With 9 members and a TV in the mid 1300‘s this team isn’t destined to be making an appearance in Gold League any time soon, but they could quite well give Silver another try in the season to come.
The Kaiser’s Seahawks finished in 8th place in the leaderboards and like many other teams in Silver, they took more than their fair share of poundings since moving up a division into Silver. They started off with a draw against the Fish Knights, but suffered back to back games against Lizard teams which left them with an unimpressive 0-1-2 record. They managed to earn some much needed gold, respect, and training from their 2-0 win over the Gorland Monarchs, but then disaster struck! In their match against the Strikers they were down a touchdown with 2 injuries, one already apothed, with several more KOs when Russel Wilson slipped and snapped his neck. He was pronounced dead on impact, but in a unprecedented act of oddness the thrower for the Strikers, Sir Lobbings, called off the game and insisted that Russel be rushed to the nearest hospital. It turns out he was still barely breathing, and he remained there overnight in critical condition before being revived. It was nothing short of a miracle, but the Seahawks were forced to concede the loss, 2-0. They came on strong after that with a win over House Zauvirr, and a tight 2-2 draw against the Copper Cup champions, the House of Eagles. In the end they would suffer a pair of painful defeats, but this team has all the makings of a first rate Silver Cup finalist. With Russel Wilson’s exceptional throwing arm, Richard Sherman and his steady hands, the brutish strength of Lynch, and the presence of Brandon Mebane they’re always going to be a team to be feared. We’ll be curious to see if they jump up to gold after 3 Iron Phoenix open matches of if they try and shed some weight and hang around in the Silver League.
Our next team that will unfortunately be forced to sit out the playoffs is none other than the Fish Knights under the legendary mentorship of such hall of fames as Nathan Bass and Norbert Fish! They end the season with a 2-3-4 record and what a season they had! Let’s take a look back, shall we? They faced familiar foes in round one, tying the Seahawks 1-1 and then were pitted against their fellow Brettonians, the House of Eagles. Though they were destined to lose that match 3-1 they did inflict some damage that game. Their next three games were decidedly rough on the Fish Knights, causing much unrest back home as fans watched their fabled heroes run up a three-loss streak. Unphased, Norbert Fish and Nathan Bass rallied their newer recruits and managed to break the spell with a tightly fought 1-0 win over the Gorland Monarchs. They followed that up with a 2-2 tie against the Strikers and another tie, this time 1-1, against the Carnivore Claws. Many sports analysts would have guessed that this late in the season they’d be unable to pull off such strong appearances after suffering heavily in the opening matches. Their results were not without a cost, however. Nathan Bass, long-time star blitzer was slain in their match against the Lizards, struck down by a cheeky skin. His death has caused the entire team to forgo their final match and instead mourn the loss of their team mate. The Banana Warriors were awarded the win and the team took a much needed break to hold a funeral for their deceased comrade. David Seahorse, a star blocker, was also badly injured, his collarbone smashed to bits. He insisted he could continue playing, but the doctors said he'd never regain his full strength and the Fish Knights were forced to let him go. They’ll no doubt start hunting for a prospective blocks in the off season. They don’t have the funds at present to hire a replacement, since most of their disposable cash went towards replacing Nathan Bass with Marty Mcflyinfish, but they’re still in very good shape with an entire bench of trained peasants. They’ll be a favorite in Gold Cup next season, we’re sure!
A new team to the league, the Stunties of The Naillers were quick to become fan favorites in this years Silver Cup and round-robin play. They ere our 6th place finishers with a 4-1-4 record. Some might recognize the name, hailing from the very same Head Coach who led the members of the Dominant Dragons to a 2nd place finish in last years Copper Cup. Many are still outraged at their final loss as they came dangerously close to a win that was only decided in a sudden death overtime. This season the coach decided to change gears to a slower and more reliable team. Though a bit less experienced compared to his Dragons, they were an excellent new addition to the league. The Naillers were out maneuvered in round one by the slippery Dark Elves of House Zauvirr and then despite being the dominant bashers they were forced into a 0-0 draw against the Supersonic Ducks. Their fortune didn’t improve much as they suffered a 1-0 loss to the Carnivore Claws and a 2-1 loss to the Fish Knights. Then at last, their luck turned. The Gorland Monarchs provided a first win and a stepping stone for more to come. Their next foes, the House of Eagles, cemented that thought with another dominant victory. But they weren’t done yet, not by a long shot. They went on to beat the Banana Warriors and send the Seahawks packing. Poised with a 4-1-3 record, they had a chance at the playoffs. It was a long shot, but if they won their match and the Banana warriors tied or lost their game, they’d be in the playoffs. Sadly, the Strikers managed a tight last second score. Even had they won, the Banana Warriors prevailed due to a concede and so ultimately the Stunties will be denied their chance to shine, for this season at least. But look for these players to make a flashy appearance on the scene in years to come. They boast the fastest Dwarf runner in all of Iron Phoenix, and Maaln can juke, dodge, and throw with the best of the elves. Their longbeards are all being trained in standing their ground against larger foes and they’ll be keen to prove they have what it takes to be champions.
Last, but not least, squeaking in at 5th place and narrowly missing a place in the playoffs are the underdogs- well, more like underducks, the Supersonic Ducks! Head Coach Wenteros may not have fielded a team for the Copper Cup, but his team was a veteran from the Copper Plate, a tournament that ran concurrently to the main cup. It turns out, yes- yes our sources are verifying now that the Ducks actually- no, no they didn't win. We're hearing they were undoubtedly IN the tournament though, so that's something. This human team took Silver Cup by storm. They ended with a 4-2-3 record, with most of their losses coming early on in the season. They were pitted against the House of Eagles early on and found it challenging to hold the agile blitzers at bay, losing 3-0. Next they were able to stave off defeat in a 0-0 bash fest where the Naillers had the humans backed into a corner. Next, the Strikers came along and they were forced to concede to prevent more injuries. A humiliating defeat, without a doubt, but it only enraged the Ducks. They battled back in the season, beating House Zauvirr and the Fish Knights in back to back games. They drew 1-1 against the Banana Warriors, a better result than the first time these two teams locked horns in the Copper Plate. These teams were both gunning for one another, inflicting together a combined total of 7 KOs 5 Injuries and 2 Deaths. There’s no love lost between these two! Though they lost to the Carnivore claws they ended their season in style with 3-0 wins against both the Gorland Monarchs and the Kaiser’s Seahawks. Mighty Zug and Griff Oberwald have each made an appearance on the Ducks’ roster during the course of Silver Cup and this team is destined for greatness. The main question is with so many members needing to be replaced during the mid-season, and with much of the team’s experience landing squarely on the shoulders of their blitzers, Balduck and Golduck, will they be keen to try and pad their team as much as possible with their remaining 170k in expendable cash? Or is it more likely that they might train up their fresh hires, Duck Duck’em Jr., New Duck, and Duck Ogre Jr. in order to give Silver Cup next season another try? We’ll have to wait and see!
So, what’s next you ask? You guessed it. ‘The Big Four.’ Securing slot #4 and the first of the playoff slots is the scaly Saurus and slippery Skinks of team Banana Warriors! Head Coach Parrigan might not be a strictly ‘new-to-sliver’ coach since like the Supersonic Ducks his team of cold blooded lizard were tearing it up in Copper Plate, but he certainly cut it very close to sneak in. He’s going to be faced with a tough challenge in the 4th seed spot as it’ll fall to him to face the league seasonal round robin champions, the Carnivore Claws, his fellow Lizardman team in the semi-finals of division A. They ended their season of play with a 5-1-3 record after having to deal with a first round mirror match against the much more developed Lizards. This coach and his players are no strangers to adversity and despite the difference in TV they challenged with a tight 2-1 loss despite the stronger lizards gaining a numbers advantage early. The winged banana fiends struck back fast and hard, racking up victories against three humie teams, besting the Gorland Monarchs, the Kaiser’s Seahawks, and the Strikers with dominant 3-1, 2-1, and 2-0 scores. Then came the blue and green roadblock. In the highest scoring game of ALL of Silver Cup the House of Eagles laid down the BashHammer. They were rocked with a 5-0 loss. The Lizards actually outblocked their foes, but the worst they managed to inflict were mostly KOs which later revived and sent the lizards packing. They never laid a claw on the ball and were simply obliterated. Still reeling from their loss, they managed a 1-1 draw against the Supersonic Ducks before suffering their third loss of the season against the Naillers. Their final matches were both victories, earning some much needed cash and free MVPs from a concede in round 9 against the Fish Knights. They’re going to have 120k in inducements for match one and they’re sitting on another 200k in their own cash going into the semis. Remember, it’s a best of 3 so they might need to save some of that for replacing injuries or deaths, but expect to see some wizards or star players popping up here to help the Warriors even the odds. Good luck to you, we here at Channel-H news have our on-the-field skink camera crews rooting for you!
Third place we’ve got the Brettonians that stand apart and above all others. The former Copper Cup Champions, boasting a full roster and star lineup, it’s Head Coach Cerumol’s House of Eagles! They were an impressive team in seasonal play, boasting a 5-2-2 record and the highest score count in the league. In total they racked up an astounding 21 touchdowns beating the Carnivore Claws who had 15, the Strikers with 14, and the Banana Warriors with 13. This is in no small part to their agile blitzers, Chiltern Deepblood and Henry Freshfeet who have scored a combined 20 touchdowns since the team’s creation. Almost half of their total of 43. The House of Eagles came out of the box strong with three wins against the Supersonic Ducks, The Fish Knights, and the Gorland Monarchs. They locked horns with the Lizards of the Carnivore Claws and managed a 1-1 draw. It was hailed as the best game of all of Silver Cup with an outnumbered and outgunned collection of the House of Eagles managing against the odds to hang on and beat back their opponent’s brutal offensive push. To prove it was no fluke, they dominated the Banana Warriors 5-0. But, in a surprising upset, the Naillers managed a 2-1 victory, giving the Brets their first lost in seven matches. Recovering from injuries they managed a 2-2 draw against the Kaiser’s Seahawks who kept 7 of their players off the pitch with KOs and an injury to boot. They certainly struggled in the late half of their season with a second loss to the Strikers who inflicted an unprecedented 6 KOs and 6 Injuries. These killer humies might have brought the hurt, but the Eagles rallied to squeeze out a final 3-1 win against the Dark Elves of House Zauvirr. Having just played the Strikers, they know what they’re up against. The humans have invested heavily in mighty blow and we suspect that the Eagle's peasants are going to be instrumental in creating living buffers for their star players. In a best of three there’s no guessing who might emerge victorious, but as those who watched the House of Eagles ‘steal’ the win out from under the snouts of The Dominant Dragons with a final overtime touchdown you know it’s never over until the fattest Krox roars!
Weighing in 2nd place is the battle tested humies of, well- somewhere in Reikland. Sure, they’re imperials, but no one seems to know where Hdawg’s Strikers call home. Some are convinced the team is a hodpodge of humies scattered across the empire lumped together to make a last second entry to Copper Cup. Their first season of play was less than stellar, but the team seemed to be well established at the very least with well trained throwers and catchers and a cadre of blitzers to help carry he other rookies on the roster. The Strikers ended the season with the same 5-2-2 record as the House of Eagles, but have a significantly lower TV. Their first opponents were the Gorland Monarchs and after a tight 2-1 victory the Strikers emerged victorious. Things were looking down for them in match two against House Zauvirr, but in a final turn that looked like it was guided by Nuffle Himself, star catcher, Sir Baller, managed a 1 turn score in the final seconds of the match to secure a 2-2 draw. They managed a win against the Supersonic Ducks with a solid defense in the first half denying a score from their avian opponents and scored with a gutsy drive down the sideline by Thrower, Sir Lobbings. The Strikers tasted a bitter defeat against the Banana Warriors who easily smashed their lines in a one sided 2-0 victory. They looked like they were poised to do the same in turn to the Kaiser’s Seahawks, but the game was called early due to an odd case of a mortally wounded thrower. It was ruled a concede by the refs and is still a bone of contention with hard-core Strikers fans. They were up with a 4 man advantage and had already scored early, but it seems there was a lot of respect between these two teams and the health of their foes’ thrower came first. Next, came the team’s first death. In a close 2-1 loss, their lineman Mr Backup was struck down. Next the Strikers tied their old friends and foes the Fish Knights 2-2 and finished up with a pair of 2-1 wins, both of which were very tight against the House of Eagles and the Naillers resulting in their 2nd death of the season. They’re going to be faced with an uphill best of three series against these former Champions from Copper, but if they’re to advance to the finals they’ve no other choice but to strike hard and strike fast!
Last, resting atop the pinnacle that is first place in Silver Cup seasonal play, we have the undisputed favorites to win this years finals. You know their names, you fear their mighty talons, they’re the Carnivore Claws! The Lizards who have single-handedly struck fear into the hearts of all the other teams in this division. They racked up a 7-2-0 record. That’s right, undefeated! The best these lizards have had to face are a pair of draws. No matter the team, no matter the situation, these reptiles have come out on top of the heap. They roll with a 14-man squad, sporting the standard 6 Saurus and Krox along with a whopping 6 skinks as the speed behind their muscle! The racked up three victories fast against their fellow lizards of the Banana Warriors, the humies of the Kaiser’s Seahawks, and the stunties of the Naillers. Their fourth match was a draw, but one where they were barely held off by the beleaguered House of Eagles. They proceeded to bash and slash their way to three more wins, beating the Srikers, House Zauvirr, and the Supersonic Ducks. Surprisingly enough their only other draw was to the Fish Knights who we’ll point out are Brettonians. Either due to the exceptional play of Norbert, Nathan and the rest of the boys or due to some other reason, their normally bashy nature was curtailed. Perhaps their weakness lays in the Brettonian on Lizard match up. There’s a lot of fend and wrestle for the big guys to deal with, and tackle is often plentiful on the blizters to prevent skinks from slipping through the gaps. Whatever the reason, they’re no doubt hoping the Strikers prevail in the other semi-final match up as they seemed the easier of the pair for their front line lizards to tear apart. The threat from the more agile Eagles cannot be stated enough. With everything going on the line for Tector’s Carnivores it’s all going to come down to how easily he can dispatch his fellow lizards. Will they go down easy, will they inflict some casualties on their way out, or will this 4th seed team have the dream series and cause an upset? Nothing is certain, and though undefeated in season play, it’s certainly not too late. That’s it for our coverage for now, and we’ll see you all on the pitch to watch these four teams go head to head to head to head! Till next time, this is Channel-H news signing out!