Post by parrigan on Jul 17, 2018 16:28:51 GMT
Hi ho, merry coaches! Good to see ya! Looks like we're back at it again, but things look a bit different this time around. Last season we were rotten with elfies and bikinis, but for season 15 we're back to down to a reasonable 3 elf teams, and nary a bikini to be found. But boy howdy, do we have ogres! 3 teams of 'em, in fact, plus one big fella hangin' out with a bunch of dirty humans. And we have orcs, dorfs, nurgles - looks like lots and lots of smashy goodness this season.
Last season we had the inaugural Copper Death Counter, which made it all the way to 29 (pending the results of the S14 final), which was a respectable number. Our target this season, as set to us by Old Grandfather Bones, is to exceed that number. There's a lot more armor this season, but there's also lots of snots, gobbos, skinks, thralls, rats, and elfies to smash, so I think we can pull it off. Grandfather Bones says we better...
Death Counter: 2
Target: 30 (pending the S14 final - go get 'em, fellas!)
Please schedule your matches before 23.59GMT Friday, July 20 and play them before 23.59GMT Wednesday, July 25. Any admin results will be determined strictly based on what is posted here. If you schedule elsewhere, that's fine, but it's advisable for both coaches to still post the agreed upon time here on the forum.
The matchups:
Division 1:
Gorland Aquatics (LIZ) v Avalon's Army (PRO)
Gorbag1 v Nails
It looks like speed shall rule in our leadoff match. Not for these teams the slow plod up the pitch. Anything less than 4 total scores would be a disappointment. "Yesss... We'll ssscore 4 timesss," boasts Aquatic skink Ice. "Mossst likely it will be me ssscoring. But it definitely won't be thossse ssstupid pointy-earsss." Everyone has such confidence starting a new season... "It's cute that they think they're good," scoffs AA catcher Alexander. "But I mean, come on. Look at us. Clearly we're going to be scoring those 4 TDs. But still... cute." We wonder: dp they think those massive saur jaws are cute, too?
Royal Rumble (NUR) v Unwashed Beards (DWA)
Havol v Deano79
Speaking of plodding, but more importantly what is that stench? Nurgles are bad enough, but those filthy dwarves too? The stands will likely be filled with the undead - who else could survive an hour in that environment? "Oh yeeeeah!" shouts Rumble warrior Bam Bam. "We're so gonna rock this place! The fans are gonna love us!!! Wooo!!!" Love them? Perhaps. Survive that breath? Doubtful... "Those guys are gross, ain't dey?" spits Beard runner Ulaks as he picks his nose and inspects the treasure from within. "Don't worry, we'll teach 'em some manners. And beat 'em, too." Hmm... indeed.
Havol v Deano79
Speaking of plodding, but more importantly what is that stench? Nurgles are bad enough, but those filthy dwarves too? The stands will likely be filled with the undead - who else could survive an hour in that environment? "Oh yeeeeah!" shouts Rumble warrior Bam Bam. "We're so gonna rock this place! The fans are gonna love us!!! Wooo!!!" Love them? Perhaps. Survive that breath? Doubtful... "Those guys are gross, ain't dey?" spits Beard runner Ulaks as he picks his nose and inspects the treasure from within. "Don't worry, we'll teach 'em some manners. And beat 'em, too." Hmm... indeed.
Power Ogre-whelming (OGR) v Spite Pack Stitchers (GOB)
comfort_eagle v Weresquid
Well... that's a lot of green... A LOT. And so many little cretins scampering around. In this match, the first of our ogre teams is matched up against a pack of little cheaters. How fun! "Yuh," grunts Cloud Strife the ogre. "Dey cheats. Don't matter. We smash 'em anyways. We smash 'em good. You guys wanna see one o' dese little green dudes fly? It's funny, hur hur." No doubt it's very funny. "We don't cheat!" squawks Pack looney Gut Ripper. "We don't! What, dis? For openin' cans, you know, at lunchtime. When we're hungry. No, course I won't take it on the pitch. Sheesh." Uh-huh...
comfort_eagle v Weresquid
Well... that's a lot of green... A LOT. And so many little cretins scampering around. In this match, the first of our ogre teams is matched up against a pack of little cheaters. How fun! "Yuh," grunts Cloud Strife the ogre. "Dey cheats. Don't matter. We smash 'em anyways. We smash 'em good. You guys wanna see one o' dese little green dudes fly? It's funny, hur hur." No doubt it's very funny. "We don't cheat!" squawks Pack looney Gut Ripper. "We don't! What, dis? For openin' cans, you know, at lunchtime. When we're hungry. No, course I won't take it on the pitch. Sheesh." Uh-huh...
Snotlings are for Throwin (OGR) v Marvelous Villians XV (DAE)
Tencoin v CrypticKnight90
And more ogres! This promises to be a smashy season. But these ogres might find their elfy opponents pretty elusive. "Nah, it's ok," explains Tett the ogre. "We don't have to catch 'em all the same time, ya know? Usually we'd think about eatin' 'em, but you ever tried to eat dark elf? Yuck! Taste like rotten mushrooms." How vivid. "Catch us? Eat us?" cackles Mystique the witch. "That's rich! They clearly don't know the sort of power we wield. But it's fine. We shall dominate in stealth, until it's time to reveal our plans to the world!!! Um, I mean, good luck to them..." Yes, very sporting.
Tencoin v CrypticKnight90
And more ogres! This promises to be a smashy season. But these ogres might find their elfy opponents pretty elusive. "Nah, it's ok," explains Tett the ogre. "We don't have to catch 'em all the same time, ya know? Usually we'd think about eatin' 'em, but you ever tried to eat dark elf? Yuck! Taste like rotten mushrooms." How vivid. "Catch us? Eat us?" cackles Mystique the witch. "That's rich! They clearly don't know the sort of power we wield. But it's fine. We shall dominate in stealth, until it's time to reveal our plans to the world!!! Um, I mean, good luck to them..." Yes, very sporting.
Division 2:
Air Force Ogre (OGR) v Potato Skinz (ORC)
vonKotze v King Cann
And here we complete the trifecta with our Division 2 ogre team. These guys are going to get a real brawl to start their season, if the Skinz have anything to say about it. "Did you hear," laughs Charles Limbogre. "Those fellas think they're big. Look at 'em. Ooh, scaaaaary. That ones come up to here on me. This is going to be so fun." Leave to an ogre to call orcs small. "Yar, we's big," growls Tater Head the blorc. "And don't you forget it neither. Dere's only four of them big guys over there, but look at da rest. We gonna smash them so hard it ain't funny. But it is." Should be a riot.
Taintacular (NEC) v Myth Fortune (LIZ)
michaels v Parrigan Niall
We're back to the non-ogre portion of the schedule with our first look at some of the speed of Division 2. The wolves of Taintacular are looking to spread the fear and... perhaps something else? "We're gonna lick those scalies, is what we're gonna do!" warns Licky the golem. "Lick 'em hard, lick 'em mean, lick 'em til they beg for mercy." We're not sure what that means, but it sounds... unwholesome. "Thossse guysss are grosss," attests Bigfoot the saur. "You ssshould hear what they do to their locker roomsss. But don't worry, we'll ssstomp out the filth." Good luck with that.
Marvel at Me! (DAE) v Murderous Mist Marauders (VAM)
Nightwind v DocOz
Look what just came up from below the surface world! Another fine troop of dark elves, and some fancy vamps! Also lots of alliteration - can you say "MMMMMM?" "Just so you know, we're here to save the world," remarks Spiderman the blitzer. "I mean, we're going to win this Blood Bowl thing, too. After all, we're heroes and stuff. But save the world is priority one." Humility is such a nice quality. "Just so you know, we're here to destroy the world," says Count Wladimir. "Suck it dry, bring darkness, and so forth. What's Blood Bowl? Sounds yummy." This match could get interesting.
Every Villain Is Lemons! (HUM) v Cop a load of this (SKA)
ThreeofClubs v Ravers
Hey look, one more ogre! This one has surrounded himself with dirty humans, but to each their own, right? Appropriate they'd be matched up with filthy rats. "Hey there," exclaims Billy the Kumquat. "We're not dirty! We wash every week. Maybe a little fruity, but not dirty... Now those rats, they're dirty. And rotten. And we're gonna exterminate them." They're welcome to try... "Exterminate? Really?" sighs Kreeable the gutter runner. "Never heard that one before. I mean, come on, try a little harder, guy. Anyway, we're skaven. We're fast. We'll probably win. You know the drill." In fact, we do.
Air Force Ogre (OGR) v Potato Skinz (ORC)
vonKotze v King Cann
And here we complete the trifecta with our Division 2 ogre team. These guys are going to get a real brawl to start their season, if the Skinz have anything to say about it. "Did you hear," laughs Charles Limbogre. "Those fellas think they're big. Look at 'em. Ooh, scaaaaary. That ones come up to here on me. This is going to be so fun." Leave to an ogre to call orcs small. "Yar, we's big," growls Tater Head the blorc. "And don't you forget it neither. Dere's only four of them big guys over there, but look at da rest. We gonna smash them so hard it ain't funny. But it is." Should be a riot.
Taintacular (NEC) v Myth Fortune (LIZ)
michaels v Parrigan Niall
We're back to the non-ogre portion of the schedule with our first look at some of the speed of Division 2. The wolves of Taintacular are looking to spread the fear and... perhaps something else? "We're gonna lick those scalies, is what we're gonna do!" warns Licky the golem. "Lick 'em hard, lick 'em mean, lick 'em til they beg for mercy." We're not sure what that means, but it sounds... unwholesome. "Thossse guysss are grosss," attests Bigfoot the saur. "You ssshould hear what they do to their locker roomsss. But don't worry, we'll ssstomp out the filth." Good luck with that.
Marvel at Me! (DAE) v Murderous Mist Marauders (VAM)
Nightwind v DocOz
Look what just came up from below the surface world! Another fine troop of dark elves, and some fancy vamps! Also lots of alliteration - can you say "MMMMMM?" "Just so you know, we're here to save the world," remarks Spiderman the blitzer. "I mean, we're going to win this Blood Bowl thing, too. After all, we're heroes and stuff. But save the world is priority one." Humility is such a nice quality. "Just so you know, we're here to destroy the world," says Count Wladimir. "Suck it dry, bring darkness, and so forth. What's Blood Bowl? Sounds yummy." This match could get interesting.
Every Villain Is Lemons! (HUM) v Cop a load of this (SKA)
ThreeofClubs v Ravers
Hey look, one more ogre! This one has surrounded himself with dirty humans, but to each their own, right? Appropriate they'd be matched up with filthy rats. "Hey there," exclaims Billy the Kumquat. "We're not dirty! We wash every week. Maybe a little fruity, but not dirty... Now those rats, they're dirty. And rotten. And we're gonna exterminate them." They're welcome to try... "Exterminate? Really?" sighs Kreeable the gutter runner. "Never heard that one before. I mean, come on, try a little harder, guy. Anyway, we're skaven. We're fast. We'll probably win. You know the drill." In fact, we do.
Get it on!