Post by parrigan on Aug 22, 2018 23:52:01 GMT
I'm baaaaaaack! Been a while, yeah? You thought you were rid of me, but you should be so lucky. I have some death counts to update - let's see what you kids have been up to, anyway...
Death Counter: 13?!!!
Target: 30
The matchups:
Division 1:
Marvel at Me! (DAE) v Air Force Ogre (OGR)
Nightwind v vonKotze
Ah, the classic contrast: bash v dash. Based on the work of these two teams so far, it would seem we need to give the advantage to dash... but any given game could be the last game for rats. And who likes rats anyway? "I hates rats," pronounces orc blitzer Spudnik. "I hates em real good. But I loves smashing em. And I kinda loves eating em too. And you know dey're dumb cause they don't wear no armor. 'Cept for them two guys anyways. But still dumb." Seems like an informed opinion, that. "Yes, we're so dumb that we're at the bottom of the standings," scoffs stormvermin Al Coppone. "Wait no - that's them. We're what you call contenders. And soon we'll be what you call champions. And those orcs? They're what you call stupid." Seems some vermin are hauling around quite the chip...
Myth Fortune (LIZ) v Murderous Mist Marauders (VAM)
Parrigan Niall v DocOz
Smoke? Mirrors? Ritual sacrifice? How are these lizards doing this? And what can the Marauders do to slow them down? "What'sss the big deal?" asks Critical Myth. "They pay usss to play thisss game and win, we play thisss game and win, and everyone actsss like it'sss sssomething ssspecial going on. Jussst doing our jobsss, ya know?" We don't think these guys realize it's not supposed to be that easy, but you know what they say: better lucky than good. "We'll see about that," challenges Baron Bruce. "They're lucky, sure. But we're good. We're soooo good. I mean, look at us. So yeah. Better good than lucky. You can take that to the blood bank." Oh yay, a pun. The vampires have puns.
Kill! KILL!!!
Death Counter: 13?!!!
Target: 30
Wait, what?!! Only 13 deaths? This is unacceptable! Get on with the killing!
Please schedule your matches before 23.59GMT Friday, August 24 and play them before 23.59GMT Wednesday, August 29. Any admin results will be determined strictly based on what is posted here. If you schedule elsewhere, that's fine, but it's advisable for both coaches to still post the agreed upon time here on the forum.
The matchups:
Division 1:
Avalon's Army (PRO) v Unwashed Beards (DWA)
Nails v Deano79
Top of the table! Elf v dorf! This match has a little something for everybody. Speed? Check. Smashy goodness? Check. The Beards are trotting out an almost elf-like pair of runners, but don't let them hear you say it. "Wuzzat?" spits Araak. "I know you ain't call me no elf. Elfs smell like trees and other nastiness. Them boys never take a proper charcoal bath. And their dirty butts are gonna lose, too." Seems we've learned a little something about dorf hygiene today. "Those oafs don't even know what scented oil is." scoffs Avalon the blitzer. "And they certainly don't know the proper way to play Blood Bowl. But we'll be happy to provide them lessons on both subjects." Sounds like this one will be one for the books.
Spite Pack Stitchers (GOB) v Gorland Aquatics (LIZ)
Weresquid v Gorbag1
There'll be lotsa little squirts scooting around the pitch in this one. On the one hand we have green squirts once again trying to cheat their way to victory, on the other hand blue squirts running all over the place. Might come down to what the un-squirts in this match do. "We ain't cheat!!" shrieks pogoer Toe Stealer. "You always says we cheat, we ain't NEVER cheat! You cheat! Now hand Gutty that saw." Ah, the protests of pure innocence. "They cheat," declares saurus Bouncer. "We know. Don't matter. We'll sssmoosssh em anyway. Heh. Sssmoossshing little greeniesss isss fun. Try it." Sure thing, big fella. Gonna get right on that.
Marvelous Villians XV (DAE) v Royal Rumble (NUR)
CrypticKnight90 v Havol
And here it is: this week's mystery match. We've searched high and low for the mythical Villians, but they have yet to be seen on the pitch. Or in the locker room. Or on the bus. Rumors abound as to the reason for their obfuscation. Perhaps their plot is so nefarious, runs so deep and wide, that it would blow our minds. "Or maybe they're just scared," rasps Rumbler Big John Studd. "everyone is scared. I mean, look at us. We're scary as all hell. You know it's true. Now run, little reporter man! Run before I EAT YOU!!!" Can do. Better part of valor and all that.
Snotlings are for Throwin (OGR) v Power Ogre-whelming (OGR)
Tencoin v comfort_eagleOh yeah! Here it is! The match we've been waiting to see all season! Hot ogre on ogre action, woo! It promises to be violent, stupid, gross, basically everything but pretty. "We pretty too," grumps... some ogre. Kinda hard to tell them apart, honestly. "Dem guys over dere is jealous of how pretty we is. Cause dems ugly. And dum. Real dum. And ugly too." We won't argue, but we bet we know someone who will. "DEY dum," shouts... some other ogre. "And stupid. And ugly. We smart. And pretty. And super cool. Dey dem. Dum dum dum ugly." Scintillating banter, to be sure. The match promises to be much more amusing.
Division 2:
Nightwind v vonKotze
Both these teams have struggled in the standings, but this one still looks like a mismatch. If the Marvels can pull off the win, they'll be right back in the playoff mix. If AFO wins, well, good on them. "Obviously we're going to win," announces Jean Gray. "I mean, look at us, and look at them. Now look at us again. Keep looking. Yeah, you like what you see. And those guys are ogres..." That they are. Better keep away from those fists, though. "Huh huh, we gonna smash," says Amelia Ear-Ripper. "Smashing is fun. And theys small. Look good for smashing. What's Blood Bowl?" Razor sharp focus on these guys.
Taintacular (NEC) v Every Villain Is Lemons! (HUM)
michaels v ThreeofClubs
Both these contenders are scuffling for playoff position, so this match should be especially fun. The necros had a rough go last week to slip down to the #4 seed and are looking to regain their perch. "Nnnng," groans Nub the golem. "Those guys got lucky last week. That's all. This week, no lucky for these lemon creatures. What is a lemon, anyway? Something we can lick?" Sure, something like that. Talk about one-track minds. "Lick, eh?" asks Billy the Kumquat. "Not the first time I've been asked. Probably won't be the last. Doesn't mean it ain't gross. Um, also, since you asked, yeah, we're totally gonna win this week. We're more interesting in scoring than licking. No, not that kind of scoring. Well, yeah, that too, but not during the match. Sheesh." Somebody's mind's in the gutter, is all we're saying.
Potato Skinz (ORC) v Cop a load of this (SKA)
King Cann v RaversAh, the classic contrast: bash v dash. Based on the work of these two teams so far, it would seem we need to give the advantage to dash... but any given game could be the last game for rats. And who likes rats anyway? "I hates rats," pronounces orc blitzer Spudnik. "I hates em real good. But I loves smashing em. And I kinda loves eating em too. And you know dey're dumb cause they don't wear no armor. 'Cept for them two guys anyways. But still dumb." Seems like an informed opinion, that. "Yes, we're so dumb that we're at the bottom of the standings," scoffs stormvermin Al Coppone. "Wait no - that's them. We're what you call contenders. And soon we'll be what you call champions. And those orcs? They're what you call stupid." Seems some vermin are hauling around quite the chip...
Myth Fortune (LIZ) v Murderous Mist Marauders (VAM)
Parrigan Niall v DocOz
Smoke? Mirrors? Ritual sacrifice? How are these lizards doing this? And what can the Marauders do to slow them down? "What'sss the big deal?" asks Critical Myth. "They pay usss to play thisss game and win, we play thisss game and win, and everyone actsss like it'sss sssomething ssspecial going on. Jussst doing our jobsss, ya know?" We don't think these guys realize it's not supposed to be that easy, but you know what they say: better lucky than good. "We'll see about that," challenges Baron Bruce. "They're lucky, sure. But we're good. We're soooo good. I mean, look at us. So yeah. Better good than lucky. You can take that to the blood bank." Oh yay, a pun. The vampires have puns.
Kill! KILL!!!